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When I was growing up, I delighted in breaking all of the layers of security my parents loaded up the computers in the house with. I never relented when they tr

When I was growing up, I delighted in breaking all of the layers of security my parents loaded up the computers in the house with. I never relented when they tried to block something and they only escalated things, including physically locking away electronics (which also didn't work, I learned how to pick locks and gained access to electronics in other ways), then even further escalations ensued. The main effect of this was not that I couldn't access content they didn't like, but that our relationship soured to the point where I moved out two days after turning 18 and none of us spoke for a few years. Blocking things will only encourage your son to try harder to get at them and to become more secretive with you, and will have lasting damage on your relationship, especially if you double down when he inevitably works around your blocks. You cannot control him, and he is not yours to control. Remember, your son is an entirely independent person who is growing up much faster than you realize.

mercutio2 9y ago
Your story saddened me to read. Reminded me of one of my favorite poems: Your children are not your children. They are sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself. They come through you but not from you. And though they are with you yet they belong not to you. You may give them your love but not your thoughts, For they have their own thoughts. You may house their bodies but not their souls, For thir souls dwell in the house of tomorrow, which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams. You may strive to be like them, but seek not to make them like you.
sathackr 9y ago
My intent is protection, not control. Each situation is different. Even though things turned out the way they did for you, can you say they would have been different if they had just allowed you to blatantly disregard their rules? Can you say with certainty that none of the stuff they blocked that you accessed regardless did not harm you? Could they have had the foresight to know for sure if you would or would not have been harmed? I won't get into a discussion on whether things such as nudity or pornography are truly harmful, that's a can of worms. But they are not accepted in the society we live in, and my son has to be able to function in that society, with its rules, controls, and monitors. We have collectively decided on these and I would be failing as a parent if I didn't try to give my child the tools to function in this environment. Would you care to elaborate on these things that your parents didn't like that were blocked? Did they explain to you and try to get you to understand why they didn't like them? And why you didn't respect them enough to abide by their rules(not saying that you should have respected them, they may have not deserved it)? It sounds like there may have been some deeper issues there.
- Sir_Cmpwn 9y ago
  >Could they have had the foresight to know for sure if you would or would not have been harmed? There are endless things in this world that can harm your child. It's natural to be scared of these things, but folly to try and address them all. Each one you address adds another layer of restrictions to your child's psyche, but barely moves the dail on how dangerous this world is. The tradeoff is steep. >I didn't try to give my child the tools to function in this environment You didn't give your kid the tools to function around pornography, you did the opposite. You futily attempted to remove pornography from the equation entirely without giving your kid any tools with which to face it. He will seek it out and he will find it, you've only made that fact certain. Only now, you have become the adversary, and when your son does seek these things out he won't ask you for help in understanding them for fear of retribution for breaking your rules. Remember this axiom: you cannot stop your kid from viewing this content. He is smarter than you. If you cannot block this content but try to anyway, all you're left with is the negative effects. >can you say they would have been different if they had just allowed you to blatantly disregard their rules? You don't respect your child's autonomy by setting these rules. You can make endless excuses for your rules being just, but step into your son's shoes. "Dad says 'my house, my rules' but it's not like I can move out." What is your kid's recourse in this situation? Again, if you think your filters are effective you're delusional. All you do is disrespect your child by doing this. >Would you care to elaborate on these things that your parents didn't like that were blocked? Did they explain to you and try to get you to understand why they didn't like them? And why you didn't respect them enough to abide by their rules(not saying that you should have respected them, they may have not deserved it)? It sounds like there may have been some deeper issues there. I would be happy to discuss this privately, my email is in my profile.

mercutio2 9y ago

Your story saddened me to read. Reminded me of one of my favorite poems: Your children are not your children. They are sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself. They come through you but not from you. And though they are with you yet they belong not to you. You may give them your love but not your thoughts, For they have their own thoughts. You may house their bodies but not their souls, For thir souls dwell in the house of tomorrow, which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams. You may strive to be like them, but seek not to make them like you.

sathackr 9y ago

My intent is protection, not control. Each situation is different. Even though things turned out the way they did for you, can you say they would have been different if they had just allowed you to blatantly disregard their rules? Can you say with certainty that none of the stuff they blocked that you accessed regardless did not harm you? Could they have had the foresight to know for sure if you would or would not have been harmed? I won't get into a discussion on whether things such as nudity or pornography are truly harmful, that's a can of worms. But they are not accepted in the society we live in, and my son has to be able to function in that society, with its rules, controls, and monitors. We have collectively decided on these and I would be failing as a parent if I didn't try to give my child the tools to function in this environment. Would you care to elaborate on these things that your parents didn't like that were blocked? Did they explain to you and try to get you to understand why they didn't like them? And why you didn't respect them enough to abide by their rules(not saying that you should have respected them, they may have not deserved it)? It sounds like there may have been some deeper issues there.

Sir_Cmpwn 9y ago
>Could they have had the foresight to know for sure if you would or would not have been harmed? There are endless things in this world that can harm your child. It's natural to be scared of these things, but folly to try and address them all. Each one you address adds another layer of restrictions to your child's psyche, but barely moves the dail on how dangerous this world is. The tradeoff is steep. >I didn't try to give my child the tools to function in this environment You didn't give your kid the tools to function around pornography, you did the opposite. You futily attempted to remove pornography from the equation entirely without giving your kid any tools with which to face it. He will seek it out and he will find it, you've only made that fact certain. Only now, you have become the adversary, and when your son does seek these things out he won't ask you for help in understanding them for fear of retribution for breaking your rules. Remember this axiom: you cannot stop your kid from viewing this content. He is smarter than you. If you cannot block this content but try to anyway, all you're left with is the negative effects. >can you say they would have been different if they had just allowed you to blatantly disregard their rules? You don't respect your child's autonomy by setting these rules. You can make endless excuses for your rules being just, but step into your son's shoes. "Dad says 'my house, my rules' but it's not like I can move out." What is your kid's recourse in this situation? Again, if you think your filters are effective you're delusional. All you do is disrespect your child by doing this. >Would you care to elaborate on these things that your parents didn't like that were blocked? Did they explain to you and try to get you to understand why they didn't like them? And why you didn't respect them enough to abide by their rules(not saying that you should have respected them, they may have not deserved it)? It sounds like there may have been some deeper issues there. I would be happy to discuss this privately, my email is in my profile.