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What consequences could you imagine a parent should allow a 10 year old to experience? The consequences of an abnormal sexual development or an unhealthy attit

What consequences could you imagine a parent should allow a 10 year old to experience? The consequences of an abnormal sexual development or an unhealthy attitude towards females due to stumbling across hardcore porn and becoming addicted to it at a young age? The consequences of mistaking someone on the internet as a friend and giving them your full address and name so they could bring you ice cream? There are things on the internet that a young mind is not sufficiently developed to handle, and the consequences of exposure can last a lifetime. Hell, there are things on the internet that most adult minds are not capable of handling. Some things cannot be 'unseen'. By installing a monitoring and filtering system and informing my child of this and developing in him an idea of what is acceptable and appropriate and what is not and protecting him from potentially life-altering harm.

jackvalentine 9y ago
> By installing a monitoring and filtering system and informing my child of this and developing in him an idea of what is acceptable and appropriate and what is not and protecting him from potentially life-altering harm. I think OP's point though is at what cost? It's a given that protecting kids from harm is good, but to be convincing in your case I want to see that you can enumerate the downsides and state why they're good tradeoffs. Too often do I see courses of action being advocated for because they're short term "obviously" right.
- sathackr 9y ago
  I don't conduct a fully peer-reviewed study for each parenting decision I make. It seems to me, for my particular situation and this particular child, that this is the best course of action. Obviously it may not be the best course for every situation or every child. Hopefully each parent can make their own decisions based upon their knowledge and values. Nobody can say 'all kids won't be harmed if they watch porn' or 'every kid who watches porn will have developmental issues'. That's what makes a parent. You apply your best judgement to the situation and try to effect the best outcome.
  - jackvalentine 9y ago
    What downsides did you personally consider and discard?
malnourish 9y ago
>The consequences of an abnormal sexual development or an unhealthy attitude towards females due to stumbling across hardcore porn and becoming addicted to it at a young age? Do you have evidence/sources to back this claim?
- Veelox 9y ago
  Would you really let your 10 year old watch porn?
  - ceejayoz 9y ago
    Would your 10 year old really watch porn?
    - circlefavshape 9y ago
      +1 To someone without a sex drive, porn is yucky and boring
  - zAy0LfpBZLC8mAC 9y ago
    Why not? (I mean, assuming you aren't talking about forcing them to, which you probably would have to to get them to?)
- idrios 9y ago
  Here are two cherry-picked articles from a popular website[1] among users of a popular self-help reddit page for overcoming porn addiction[2]. Example of porn linked to abnormal sexual development https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5039517/ https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5039517/ Example of unhealthy attitudes towards females https://www.researchgate.net/publication/38041887_Pornography_and_Attitudes_Supporting_Violence_Against_Women_Revisiting_the_Relationship_in_Nonexperimental_Studies https://www.researchgate.net/publication/38041887_Pornograph... [1a] https://www.yourbrainonporn.com/ https://www.yourbrainonporn.com/ [1b] https://www.yourbrainonporn.com/studies-reported-relationships-between-porn-use-or-porn-addictionsex-addiction-and-sexual https://www.yourbrainonporn.com/studies-reported-relationshi... [1c] https://www.yourbrainonporn.com/studies-linking-porn-use https://www.yourbrainonporn.com/studies-linking-porn-use [2] https://www.reddit.com/r/NoFap/ https://www.reddit.com/r/NoFap/ [EDIT] Formatting is hard
Mononokay 9y ago
It might just be a generational thing, but how stupid do you think ten year olds are? It's silly to think that even an eight year old is as naive as you're describing - you should just tell your child what he shouldn't do, and let him go on those guidelines.
- danaris 9y ago
  I think most eight- or ten-year-olds of my acquaintance (present or former) would, if simply told, "Don't do X," be strongly inclined to immediately go out and do X. If, however, they were told, "It's not a good idea to do X, because Y," they'd be much more likely to think twice about it.
  - Mononokay 9y ago
    That's what I was meaning, yeah.
- sathackr 9y ago
  Just recently in the news: tl;dr: 10 year old girl talks to a man on a game, tells him where she lives, leaves a note to her parents saying she went to a friend's house. He picks her up, takes her to a motel and rapes her. http://www.theledger.com/news/20180329/polk-county-sheriffs-office-man-kidnapped-sexually-abused-girl-10 http://www.theledger.com/news/20180329/polk-county-sheriffs-... I bet those parents wish they had been paying more attention to what she was doing online. Not every 10 year old is that naive and not every 10 year old would do something like that. But some 10 year olds are, and someone who does not know the child is not qualified to discern the child's level of naivete. As a parent, I feel I am qualified to discern this and apply the appropriate safeguards to the child's environment to mitigate the dangers until the child is capable of handling the risks himself.
neap24 9y ago
Allowing a kid to experience consequences necessitates open dialogue with them about issues they may encounter. Sadly, many parents choose to monitor rather than discuss because it's easier. Many kids will still run into the things you state above...even with over-protective parents.
- sathackr 9y ago
  I think you have a preconception on how I interact with my stepson that is not correct. Monitoring and discussion are not mutually exclusive.
  - jjeaff 9y ago
    Trust but verify.
michaelgrafl 9y ago
That's what makes parenting hard. You have to make those decisions. Ideally, you protect your child from things that will damage them permanently, but let them enough freedom to experiment and get hurt, so they can have a true learning experience. For example, I don't think a 10 year old will develop an unhealthy attitude towards females just because of watching porn. I would guess you can talk about gender issues and even porn with a 10 year old to offset the effect of it. Essentially, if you have good communication with your child and keep him or her busy with healthy activities, he or she won't have much reason to do stupid stuff on the Internet. So your made up scenarios kind of predicate subpar parenting to begin with.
- amerkhalid 9y ago
  Personally, I am not too worried about porn. What worries me is disturbing news and sometimes gory details along with them. These things bother me for days as an adult. I cannot imagine what would happen to a young developing brain if a child read such things.
- sathackr 9y ago
  > Ideally, you protect your child from things that will damage them permanently, but let them enough freedom to experiment and get hurt, so they can have a true learning experience. Exactly what I'm trying to do by allowing most things that may be considered inappropriate and only blocking the worst. > For example, I don't think a 10 year old will develop an unhealthy attitude towards females just because of watching porn. I would guess you can talk about gender issues and even porn with a 10 year old to offset the effect of it. There are many studies that say otherwise. Also not every 10 year old is the same. There are certainly some that could watch porn without being affected, and others that should not. That's also my job as a parent -- to assess the childs capability to deal with something and tailor their environment to best match that, while addressing any deficiencies. > Essentially, if you have good communication with your child and keep him or her busy with healthy activities, he or she won't have much reason to do stupid stuff on the Internet. So your made up scenarios kind of predicate subpar parenting to begin with. In the nature vs nurture field, there is far more nature than I ever thought. He has not been significantly involved with his biological father for the majority(95%+) of his life, yet I see many of his father's behaviors in him. Childrens' behavior is a product of their environment, their parenting, as well as their genes. I can't say whether I'm a good parent or subpar, but I feel like I'm doing a much better job than many others that I see. Sure, I'm not perfect, but none of us are. The child I'm dealing with today is a result of my parenting, his mother's parenting, his parent's genes, and the environment he grew up in.

jackvalentine 9y ago

> By installing a monitoring and filtering system and informing my child of this and developing in him an idea of what is acceptable and appropriate and what is not and protecting him from potentially life-altering harm. I think OP's point though is at what cost? It's a given that protecting kids from harm is good, but to be convincing in your case I want to see that you can enumerate the downsides and state why they're good tradeoffs. Too often do I see courses of action being advocated for because they're short term "obviously" right.

sathackr 9y ago
I don't conduct a fully peer-reviewed study for each parenting decision I make. It seems to me, for my particular situation and this particular child, that this is the best course of action. Obviously it may not be the best course for every situation or every child. Hopefully each parent can make their own decisions based upon their knowledge and values. Nobody can say 'all kids won't be harmed if they watch porn' or 'every kid who watches porn will have developmental issues'. That's what makes a parent. You apply your best judgement to the situation and try to effect the best outcome.
- jackvalentine 9y ago
  What downsides did you personally consider and discard?

malnourish 9y ago

>The consequences of an abnormal sexual development or an unhealthy attitude towards females due to stumbling across hardcore porn and becoming addicted to it at a young age? Do you have evidence/sources to back this claim?

Veelox 9y ago
Would you really let your 10 year old watch porn?
- ceejayoz 9y ago
  Would your 10 year old really watch porn?
  - circlefavshape 9y ago
    +1 To someone without a sex drive, porn is yucky and boring
- zAy0LfpBZLC8mAC 9y ago
  Why not? (I mean, assuming you aren't talking about forcing them to, which you probably would have to to get them to?)
idrios 9y ago
Here are two cherry-picked articles from a popular website[1] among users of a popular self-help reddit page for overcoming porn addiction[2]. Example of porn linked to abnormal sexual development https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5039517/ https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5039517/ Example of unhealthy attitudes towards females https://www.researchgate.net/publication/38041887_Pornography_and_Attitudes_Supporting_Violence_Against_Women_Revisiting_the_Relationship_in_Nonexperimental_Studies https://www.researchgate.net/publication/38041887_Pornograph... [1a] https://www.yourbrainonporn.com/ https://www.yourbrainonporn.com/ [1b] https://www.yourbrainonporn.com/studies-reported-relationships-between-porn-use-or-porn-addictionsex-addiction-and-sexual https://www.yourbrainonporn.com/studies-reported-relationshi... [1c] https://www.yourbrainonporn.com/studies-linking-porn-use https://www.yourbrainonporn.com/studies-linking-porn-use [2] https://www.reddit.com/r/NoFap/ https://www.reddit.com/r/NoFap/ [EDIT] Formatting is hard

Mononokay 9y ago

It might just be a generational thing, but how stupid do you think ten year olds are? It's silly to think that even an eight year old is as naive as you're describing - you should just tell your child what he shouldn't do, and let him go on those guidelines.

danaris 9y ago
I think most eight- or ten-year-olds of my acquaintance (present or former) would, if simply told, "Don't do X," be strongly inclined to immediately go out and do X. If, however, they were told, "It's not a good idea to do X, because Y," they'd be much more likely to think twice about it.
- Mononokay 9y ago
  That's what I was meaning, yeah.
sathackr 9y ago
Just recently in the news: tl;dr: 10 year old girl talks to a man on a game, tells him where she lives, leaves a note to her parents saying she went to a friend's house. He picks her up, takes her to a motel and rapes her. http://www.theledger.com/news/20180329/polk-county-sheriffs-office-man-kidnapped-sexually-abused-girl-10 http://www.theledger.com/news/20180329/polk-county-sheriffs-... I bet those parents wish they had been paying more attention to what she was doing online. Not every 10 year old is that naive and not every 10 year old would do something like that. But some 10 year olds are, and someone who does not know the child is not qualified to discern the child's level of naivete. As a parent, I feel I am qualified to discern this and apply the appropriate safeguards to the child's environment to mitigate the dangers until the child is capable of handling the risks himself.

neap24 9y ago

Allowing a kid to experience consequences necessitates open dialogue with them about issues they may encounter. Sadly, many parents choose to monitor rather than discuss because it's easier. Many kids will still run into the things you state above...even with over-protective parents.

sathackr 9y ago
I think you have a preconception on how I interact with my stepson that is not correct. Monitoring and discussion are not mutually exclusive.
- jjeaff 9y ago
  Trust but verify.

michaelgrafl 9y ago

That's what makes parenting hard. You have to make those decisions. Ideally, you protect your child from things that will damage them permanently, but let them enough freedom to experiment and get hurt, so they can have a true learning experience. For example, I don't think a 10 year old will develop an unhealthy attitude towards females just because of watching porn. I would guess you can talk about gender issues and even porn with a 10 year old to offset the effect of it. Essentially, if you have good communication with your child and keep him or her busy with healthy activities, he or she won't have much reason to do stupid stuff on the Internet. So your made up scenarios kind of predicate subpar parenting to begin with.

amerkhalid 9y ago
Personally, I am not too worried about porn. What worries me is disturbing news and sometimes gory details along with them. These things bother me for days as an adult. I cannot imagine what would happen to a young developing brain if a child read such things.
sathackr 9y ago
> Ideally, you protect your child from things that will damage them permanently, but let them enough freedom to experiment and get hurt, so they can have a true learning experience. Exactly what I'm trying to do by allowing most things that may be considered inappropriate and only blocking the worst. > For example, I don't think a 10 year old will develop an unhealthy attitude towards females just because of watching porn. I would guess you can talk about gender issues and even porn with a 10 year old to offset the effect of it. There are many studies that say otherwise. Also not every 10 year old is the same. There are certainly some that could watch porn without being affected, and others that should not. That's also my job as a parent -- to assess the childs capability to deal with something and tailor their environment to best match that, while addressing any deficiencies. > Essentially, if you have good communication with your child and keep him or her busy with healthy activities, he or she won't have much reason to do stupid stuff on the Internet. So your made up scenarios kind of predicate subpar parenting to begin with. In the nature vs nurture field, there is far more nature than I ever thought. He has not been significantly involved with his biological father for the majority(95%+) of his life, yet I see many of his father's behaviors in him. Childrens' behavior is a product of their environment, their parenting, as well as their genes. I can't say whether I'm a good parent or subpar, but I feel like I'm doing a much better job than many others that I see. Sure, I'm not perfect, but none of us are. The child I'm dealing with today is a result of my parenting, his mother's parenting, his parent's genes, and the environment he grew up in.