3 ms·

I'm curious, what do you think is the right age to give full access?

marsrover 9y ago
I haven't really decided yet. Right now I'm leaning toward 15. Hopefully by then we have mapped out a vast majority of the sites she actually uses and it's not much of a transition.
- jonmb 9y ago
  I imagine it's less about the number -- her age -- and more about her maturity and personality. I think your approach would work well, though she may need wider access to Google search results when doing homework.
- zAy0LfpBZLC8mAC 9y ago
  I would think that is way too late unless she turns out to be an idiot without any interest in anything. You cannot reasonably research anything with a whitelist.
  - marsrover 9y ago
    I disagree. Wikipedia has a lot of information.
    - zAy0LfpBZLC8mAC 9y ago
      Erm ... mind naming one hobby where Wikipedia has more than 1% of what there is to know about that hobby?
Someone1234 9y ago
After they've gone through puberty and we've talked about difficult topics like safe sex. A lot of filters cannot help but block access to USEFUL sex ed information while aggressively trying to limit pornography access. While I'd prefer they limit their porn access as a teenager, plenty of well adjusted people didn't and came out fine. I am far more concerned about "sexting" (and having it shared around at school/used to bully), and authorities trying to prosecute underage kids for having pictures of their own (and their love interest's) bodies on a device they own. The whole "porn is a public health emergency" thing is largely bullshit. Unhealthy attitudes to sex and an overreaction by authority figures might be a "health emergency" though. Particularly as a lot of parents will happily let teenagers watch people get blown apart in movies and on TV, but suddenly two people lovingly touching each other naked is just a step too far! It is hypocritical. Particularly with shows like GoT that they're going to watch because everyone else is (and we are).
- jessaustin 9y ago
  A lot of this seems so much later than I would expect. My parents discussed most of this stuff with my siblings and me at like five years old. What happened? 3/4 happily married, the fourth engaged. No STDs, no rapes, no children out of wedlock.
- hackeraccount 9y ago
  I've got a kid and I am not an expert. That said, I don't know about the concept behind "The Talk". Anymore then saying waiting until a kid has gone through Puberty. My thought is that this isn't a light switch - it's a process. And the really important information you need to convey isn't mechanics. I mean, if the kid has mechanic questions go ahead and answer them but despite what everyone says I don't think that's what causes problems. The things you really teach your kid - the things they really need to learn - are the things that you say to them and do in front of them over and over and over for years. It starts when they come into your life. And you keep teaching them when you want to. And you keep teaching them when you don't want to. This is a terribly depressing world view I realize. I'm more or less convinced that there's nothing I can do to stop screwing up my kid. My one hope is that my wife is pretty competent and luckily enough to the degree that she's not I think I compliment her. We'll see.
- mercutio2 9y ago
  You should have ongoing talks with your daughter about sex long, long before puberty. Contraception should be a conversation you have with, approximately, a six year old, when they ask you how babies are made exactly, and why they were born (it’s not just “your parents had sex”, it’s “your parents stopped using contraception” that caused you to be born). Safe sex, as in, “STIs exist, be cautious but not terrified”, and “intimate partner violence exists, don’t stand for or create cruelty or boundary crossing in intimate relationships” is a conversation for eight or nine year olds. Young children aren’t yet embarrassed about their bodies or your body, it is much easier (and healthier for all concerned) to get open, loving, accurate information about sex and relationships at the moment it’s requested, well before puberty. Before and during puberty, when the urge to separate from parents is beginning and body shame frequently begins to set in, is a much worse time to have such conversations.

I haven't really decided yet. Right now I'm leaning toward 15. Hopefully by then we have mapped out a vast majority of the sites she actually uses and it's not much of a transition.

jonmb 9y ago
I imagine it's less about the number -- her age -- and more about her maturity and personality. I think your approach would work well, though she may need wider access to Google search results when doing homework.
zAy0LfpBZLC8mAC 9y ago
I would think that is way too late unless she turns out to be an idiot without any interest in anything. You cannot reasonably research anything with a whitelist.
- marsrover 9y ago
  I disagree. Wikipedia has a lot of information.
  - zAy0LfpBZLC8mAC 9y ago
    Erm ... mind naming one hobby where Wikipedia has more than 1% of what there is to know about that hobby?

Someone1234 9y ago

After they've gone through puberty and we've talked about difficult topics like safe sex. A lot of filters cannot help but block access to USEFUL sex ed information while aggressively trying to limit pornography access. While I'd prefer they limit their porn access as a teenager, plenty of well adjusted people didn't and came out fine. I am far more concerned about "sexting" (and having it shared around at school/used to bully), and authorities trying to prosecute underage kids for having pictures of their own (and their love interest's) bodies on a device they own. The whole "porn is a public health emergency" thing is largely bullshit. Unhealthy attitudes to sex and an overreaction by authority figures might be a "health emergency" though. Particularly as a lot of parents will happily let teenagers watch people get blown apart in movies and on TV, but suddenly two people lovingly touching each other naked is just a step too far! It is hypocritical. Particularly with shows like GoT that they're going to watch because everyone else is (and we are).

jessaustin 9y ago
A lot of this seems so much later than I would expect. My parents discussed most of this stuff with my siblings and me at like five years old. What happened? 3/4 happily married, the fourth engaged. No STDs, no rapes, no children out of wedlock.
hackeraccount 9y ago
I've got a kid and I am not an expert. That said, I don't know about the concept behind "The Talk". Anymore then saying waiting until a kid has gone through Puberty. My thought is that this isn't a light switch - it's a process. And the really important information you need to convey isn't mechanics. I mean, if the kid has mechanic questions go ahead and answer them but despite what everyone says I don't think that's what causes problems. The things you really teach your kid - the things they really need to learn - are the things that you say to them and do in front of them over and over and over for years. It starts when they come into your life. And you keep teaching them when you want to. And you keep teaching them when you don't want to. This is a terribly depressing world view I realize. I'm more or less convinced that there's nothing I can do to stop screwing up my kid. My one hope is that my wife is pretty competent and luckily enough to the degree that she's not I think I compliment her. We'll see.
mercutio2 9y ago
You should have ongoing talks with your daughter about sex long, long before puberty. Contraception should be a conversation you have with, approximately, a six year old, when they ask you how babies are made exactly, and why they were born (it’s not just “your parents had sex”, it’s “your parents stopped using contraception” that caused you to be born). Safe sex, as in, “STIs exist, be cautious but not terrified”, and “intimate partner violence exists, don’t stand for or create cruelty or boundary crossing in intimate relationships” is a conversation for eight or nine year olds. Young children aren’t yet embarrassed about their bodies or your body, it is much easier (and healthier for all concerned) to get open, loving, accurate information about sex and relationships at the moment it’s requested, well before puberty. Before and during puberty, when the urge to separate from parents is beginning and body shame frequently begins to set in, is a much worse time to have such conversations.