4 ms·

It's not so much about the breach of trust than about raising independent, well-functioning individuals. There's good evidence than sheltering kids and not allo

It's not so much about the breach of trust than about raising independent, well-functioning individuals. There's good evidence than sheltering kids and not allowing them to experiment on their own terms, including by experiencing the consequences of their own actions, does not create well adapted adults. Parents who install monitoring systems are prioritizing their own short-term well-being and peace of mind at the expense of their child's future. They're eating their marshmallow right away. "My house, my rules" arguments are absurd when it comes to raising kids, and totally disregards the end goal of raising independent individuals.

knd775 9y ago
Exactly! Not quite the same thing, but related: When I was growing up, my parents would make me do all of my homework on their schedule and under their supervision. They reasoned that I wouldn't do it otherwise. That ended up being a self-fulfilling prophecy and now I struggle with time management issues and procrastination.
- michaelgrafl 9y ago
  I can relate to that, but it's very possible that your parents wanted you to do your homework on their schedule because they realized you'd fail in school otherwise. I also struggle with time management and focus and always have. If my parents hadn't put a lot of energy into my doing my homework, I wouldn't have made it past elementary school. It was a mess really, and I'm thankful that I have a lot more resources to look up how to deal with such a thing than my parents, and I hope I can navigate my children through school with less pain.
sathackr 9y ago
What consequences could you imagine a parent should allow a 10 year old to experience? The consequences of an abnormal sexual development or an unhealthy attitude towards females due to stumbling across hardcore porn and becoming addicted to it at a young age? The consequences of mistaking someone on the internet as a friend and giving them your full address and name so they could bring you ice cream? There are things on the internet that a young mind is not sufficiently developed to handle, and the consequences of exposure can last a lifetime. Hell, there are things on the internet that most adult minds are not capable of handling. Some things cannot be 'unseen'. By installing a monitoring and filtering system and informing my child of this and developing in him an idea of what is acceptable and appropriate and what is not and protecting him from potentially life-altering harm.
- jackvalentine 9y ago
  > By installing a monitoring and filtering system and informing my child of this and developing in him an idea of what is acceptable and appropriate and what is not and protecting him from potentially life-altering harm. I think OP's point though is at what cost? It's a given that protecting kids from harm is good, but to be convincing in your case I want to see that you can enumerate the downsides and state why they're good tradeoffs. Too often do I see courses of action being advocated for because they're short term "obviously" right.
  - sathackr 9y ago
    I don't conduct a fully peer-reviewed study for each parenting decision I make. It seems to me, for my particular situation and this particular child, that this is the best course of action. Obviously it may not be the best course for every situation or every child. Hopefully each parent can make their own decisions based upon their knowledge and values. Nobody can say 'all kids won't be harmed if they watch porn' or 'every kid who watches porn will have developmental issues'. That's what makes a parent. You apply your best judgement to the situation and try to effect the best outcome.
    - jackvalentine 8y ago
      What downsides did you personally consider and discard?
- malnourish 9y ago
  >The consequences of an abnormal sexual development or an unhealthy attitude towards females due to stumbling across hardcore porn and becoming addicted to it at a young age? Do you have evidence/sources to back this claim?
  - Veelox 9y ago
    Would you really let your 10 year old watch porn?
weego 9y ago
My house my rules is perfectly fine. Any policy is bad if you're a parent with trust and empathy issues

knd775 9y ago

Exactly! Not quite the same thing, but related: When I was growing up, my parents would make me do all of my homework on their schedule and under their supervision. They reasoned that I wouldn't do it otherwise. That ended up being a self-fulfilling prophecy and now I struggle with time management issues and procrastination.

michaelgrafl 9y ago
I can relate to that, but it's very possible that your parents wanted you to do your homework on their schedule because they realized you'd fail in school otherwise. I also struggle with time management and focus and always have. If my parents hadn't put a lot of energy into my doing my homework, I wouldn't have made it past elementary school. It was a mess really, and I'm thankful that I have a lot more resources to look up how to deal with such a thing than my parents, and I hope I can navigate my children through school with less pain.

sathackr 9y ago

What consequences could you imagine a parent should allow a 10 year old to experience? The consequences of an abnormal sexual development or an unhealthy attitude towards females due to stumbling across hardcore porn and becoming addicted to it at a young age? The consequences of mistaking someone on the internet as a friend and giving them your full address and name so they could bring you ice cream? There are things on the internet that a young mind is not sufficiently developed to handle, and the consequences of exposure can last a lifetime. Hell, there are things on the internet that most adult minds are not capable of handling. Some things cannot be 'unseen'. By installing a monitoring and filtering system and informing my child of this and developing in him an idea of what is acceptable and appropriate and what is not and protecting him from potentially life-altering harm.

jackvalentine 9y ago
> By installing a monitoring and filtering system and informing my child of this and developing in him an idea of what is acceptable and appropriate and what is not and protecting him from potentially life-altering harm. I think OP's point though is at what cost? It's a given that protecting kids from harm is good, but to be convincing in your case I want to see that you can enumerate the downsides and state why they're good tradeoffs. Too often do I see courses of action being advocated for because they're short term "obviously" right.
- sathackr 9y ago
  I don't conduct a fully peer-reviewed study for each parenting decision I make. It seems to me, for my particular situation and this particular child, that this is the best course of action. Obviously it may not be the best course for every situation or every child. Hopefully each parent can make their own decisions based upon their knowledge and values. Nobody can say 'all kids won't be harmed if they watch porn' or 'every kid who watches porn will have developmental issues'. That's what makes a parent. You apply your best judgement to the situation and try to effect the best outcome.
  - jackvalentine 8y ago
    What downsides did you personally consider and discard?
malnourish 9y ago
>The consequences of an abnormal sexual development or an unhealthy attitude towards females due to stumbling across hardcore porn and becoming addicted to it at a young age? Do you have evidence/sources to back this claim?
- Veelox 9y ago
  Would you really let your 10 year old watch porn?

weego 9y ago

My house my rules is perfectly fine. Any policy is bad if you're a parent with trust and empathy issues