4 ms·

Try to see the best in humanity, and not the worst. For every person that acts ridiculous, there are ten that aren't making any noise. You have to recognize th

by johnfn 16y ago

Try to see the best in humanity, and not the worst. For every person that acts ridiculous, there are ten that aren't making any noise. You have to recognize this. Look on your local news channel. There's always something going wrong. Someone's house is burning down, someone got robbed, someone got murdered. Why, then, isn't the world burning down or going to anarchy? It's because people look to see the outliers, and not the average. Average people are just that: average. They don't stand out. So the way to solve your problem is just to change how you see things. Take some time to look for the normal people, the people who subtly improve the world you live in.

jacquesm 16y ago
Yes, but we're not talking about accidents or major crime here. This is the 'low key' friction that people create between them and the rest of the world on an ongoing basis and while I wished it was 'outlier' behaviour (so we could ignore it) in fact it is a rather large amount of people that participate in this.
- patio11 16y ago
  Are you sure confirmation bias is not rearing its ugly head? In every position I have ever been in, problems are basically Pareto'ed: 10% of the people cause 90% of them. (In my experience as a businessman, not CS employee, something like 1% causes 60%.)
  - jacquesm 16y ago
    No, I'm not sure. But we even have a name for it here, we call it the 'klaagcultuur', people bitching about every little thing in their lives all the time and in general having a fairly negative attitude towards themselves and towards others. Of course I can't know how it was 'before', but my mom, who was born during World War II (in the midst of what they call the hunger winter here) says that in the period just after the war people had lots to complain about, but hardly anybody did and in general people were not petty towards each other in the way described by the OP.
  - todayiamme 16y ago
    You see, those are the visible trouble makers. I have observed around me that most people tend to degrade to that level once you unhook the social chains holding them back. You would be surprised how people behave when they believe that no one's looking. Moreover, isn't the internet an example of this? On the other hand, there are selection biases too. I never ever face this on a daily basis because I stay aloof and most of the people I talk to tend to be pretty different from the norm. I bet that a bouncer at a nightclub might have different stories to tell. There is an experiment I want to conduct sometime. I plan to hire cab drivers and pay them a small amount to write down the number of jerks they come across every day and I am going to do the same with frequent customers. Basically, I think that if we take situation in which random interaction is inherent then we might get some pretty good data.
    - philh 16y ago
      >Moreover, isn't the internet an example of this? The internet certainly feels to me like assholes are a small minority.
    - johnfn 16y ago
      > Moreover, isn't the internet an example of this? Isn't the Internet an example of how this isn't true? After all, wouldn't websites like Wikipedia just fall apart if there were more trolls than contributors? Wouldn't HN be overtaken by spammers if there weren't normal people willing to take their own time to flag posts? The Internet just gives a faster medium to share stories about how a small minority of obnoxious people bothers a larger majority.
- johnfn 16y ago
  What I'm trying to say is that we accentuate things that aren't normal - especially negative things - they stand out in our mind. Go into a coffee shop or something, and just sit there for an hour, and watch the interactions. (I've done this several times - people watching is always interesting.) For any person with a 'sense of entitlement', many, many more go by without a hassle. Another possible reason that obnoxious people stand out is because they take up much more time than the quiet people that quickly shuffle by.
todayiamme 16y ago
I actually used to believe in this, but today it just hit home. It's so rare to see people who subtly improve the world. Who silently bear all. I try to look out for such people, but the ratio isn't looking promising. What's even more tricky is that these people are outliers in the sense that they had an abnormally large sense of entitlement, but there are others who are silent and just as vicious as them given the right opportunity. So, now I want to look at the problem and, perhaps, find a way to solve it. If it's intractable next time I will just smile and move on, but I want to be sure.

by johnfn 16y ago

jacquesm 16y ago

Yes, but we're not talking about accidents or major crime here. This is the 'low key' friction that people create between them and the rest of the world on an ongoing basis and while I wished it was 'outlier' behaviour (so we could ignore it) in fact it is a rather large amount of people that participate in this.

patio11 16y ago
Are you sure confirmation bias is not rearing its ugly head? In every position I have ever been in, problems are basically Pareto'ed: 10% of the people cause 90% of them. (In my experience as a businessman, not CS employee, something like 1% causes 60%.)
- jacquesm 16y ago
  No, I'm not sure. But we even have a name for it here, we call it the 'klaagcultuur', people bitching about every little thing in their lives all the time and in general having a fairly negative attitude towards themselves and towards others. Of course I can't know how it was 'before', but my mom, who was born during World War II (in the midst of what they call the hunger winter here) says that in the period just after the war people had lots to complain about, but hardly anybody did and in general people were not petty towards each other in the way described by the OP.
- todayiamme 16y ago
  You see, those are the visible trouble makers. I have observed around me that most people tend to degrade to that level once you unhook the social chains holding them back. You would be surprised how people behave when they believe that no one's looking. Moreover, isn't the internet an example of this? On the other hand, there are selection biases too. I never ever face this on a daily basis because I stay aloof and most of the people I talk to tend to be pretty different from the norm. I bet that a bouncer at a nightclub might have different stories to tell. There is an experiment I want to conduct sometime. I plan to hire cab drivers and pay them a small amount to write down the number of jerks they come across every day and I am going to do the same with frequent customers. Basically, I think that if we take situation in which random interaction is inherent then we might get some pretty good data.
  - philh 16y ago
    >Moreover, isn't the internet an example of this? The internet certainly feels to me like assholes are a small minority.
  - johnfn 16y ago
    > Moreover, isn't the internet an example of this? Isn't the Internet an example of how this isn't true? After all, wouldn't websites like Wikipedia just fall apart if there were more trolls than contributors? Wouldn't HN be overtaken by spammers if there weren't normal people willing to take their own time to flag posts? The Internet just gives a faster medium to share stories about how a small minority of obnoxious people bothers a larger majority.
johnfn 16y ago
What I'm trying to say is that we accentuate things that aren't normal - especially negative things - they stand out in our mind. Go into a coffee shop or something, and just sit there for an hour, and watch the interactions. (I've done this several times - people watching is always interesting.) For any person with a 'sense of entitlement', many, many more go by without a hassle. Another possible reason that obnoxious people stand out is because they take up much more time than the quiet people that quickly shuffle by.

todayiamme 16y ago

I actually used to believe in this, but today it just hit home. It's so rare to see people who subtly improve the world. Who silently bear all. I try to look out for such people, but the ratio isn't looking promising. What's even more tricky is that these people are outliers in the sense that they had an abnormally large sense of entitlement, but there are others who are silent and just as vicious as them given the right opportunity. So, now I want to look at the problem and, perhaps, find a way to solve it. If it's intractable next time I will just smile and move on, but I want to be sure.