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I am the same as you, alas I cannot afford not to work the hours I do (for which I have copped quite a bit of flack on HN about). I do wonder why people who ca

I am the same as you, alas I cannot afford not to work the hours I do (for which I have copped quite a bit of flack on HN about). I do wonder why people who can afford to spend time with their family and not work 60-70 hours per week, actually do. I can only imagine it would be that they really enjoy their work that much, or their in a culture such as here in Japan where you stay until the boss leaves - or else. (Not my situation, I'm a chef, stupid hours in my industry).

psyc 9y ago
I'm terrified of letting people into my life, and the biggest reason is I'm afraid they'll cut into my work time. Now, sure, there's probably a bunch of Freudian damage that's gone into this. But however I got this way, I am this way, and I don't mind.
- phkahler 9y ago
  >> But however I got this way, I am this way, and I don't mind. You might want to work on that stuff before it catches up to you in ways you don't anticipate.
- KozmoNau7 9y ago
  I couldn't imagine living like that, with no room for friends and leisure.
- wu-ikkyu 9y ago
  May I ask what you do for work? And how fulfilled you are by it?
  - psyc 9y ago
    Game programmer. 8/10 fulfillment and climbing.
    - wu-ikkyu 9y ago
      How is your relationship with your coworkers?
      - psyc 9y ago
        I mostly work alone, as of the past few years. Occasionally take consulting work or contracts. When I do have coworkers, my relationship with them is typically good to very good.
phkahler 9y ago
>> I do wonder why people who can afford to spend time with their family and not work 60-70 hours per week, actually do. I've found that being unhappy at home can lead to working late (even subconsciously). The thing is, these things are often related in subtle ways. If I were to over-generalize I might say that having poor boundaries is part of why they stay late, and a part of the problems they are avoiding at home.
- jodrellblank 9y ago
  I won't say I /work/ 60 hours a week, but there's times I spend 60 hours a week at work because it's simply more pleasant than anything else I have. And that's not subconscious, it's a very present tension between "ugh I shouldn't be here so much (but it's easy)" and "ugh I don't want to go home and face the reality I'm avoiding".
  - phkahler 9y ago
    IMHO fixing your world is better (and harder) than avoiding it, but we all deal with our crap in our own time.
- davidjnelson 9y ago
  Boundaries are surprisingly powerful!
milesvp 9y ago
I suspect a lot of the long hours is actually a sort of productivity blindness. I've seen some research that suggests the people who most believe they're being effective working >40hrs/wk for more than 6 week stretches are the least likely to have positive net value after 40hrs. Worse is this compounds, such that working less hours in the short term do tend to result in less productivity, until one can recover from overwork. Sadly, I'm not sure it translates well to industries like yours, where there is just a lot of physical labor involved, and long door hours. My understanding, is that one of the problems is simply the hours in the restaurant business require chef's attention for long hours each day, coupled with the vital need that the kitchen's output is consistent. Hopefully you're thinking of ways to not have to be present, or ways to spend money instead of time, or just simplifying the menu to be less labor intensive. My heart goes out to you though, I know some chefs, and they are a special breed.
- deleted 9y ago
  [deleted]
watwut 9y ago
After you spent some time working that much, you forget what to do when you are not working. You will forget how to socialize out of work, you will not know activities you might like, you will loose friends and family will be alienated and used to live without you (you being suddenly at home will be distracting to them). You come home and it is empty and lonely - you can watch tv or play game, but it likely feels pointless. Staying long in work allows you to drown the pointless feeling, at least you can feel good about yourself.

psyc 9y ago

I'm terrified of letting people into my life, and the biggest reason is I'm afraid they'll cut into my work time. Now, sure, there's probably a bunch of Freudian damage that's gone into this. But however I got this way, I am this way, and I don't mind.

phkahler 9y ago
>> But however I got this way, I am this way, and I don't mind. You might want to work on that stuff before it catches up to you in ways you don't anticipate.
KozmoNau7 9y ago
I couldn't imagine living like that, with no room for friends and leisure.
wu-ikkyu 9y ago
May I ask what you do for work? And how fulfilled you are by it?
- psyc 9y ago
  Game programmer. 8/10 fulfillment and climbing.
  - wu-ikkyu 9y ago
    How is your relationship with your coworkers?
    - psyc 9y ago
      I mostly work alone, as of the past few years. Occasionally take consulting work or contracts. When I do have coworkers, my relationship with them is typically good to very good.

phkahler 9y ago

>> I do wonder why people who can afford to spend time with their family and not work 60-70 hours per week, actually do. I've found that being unhappy at home can lead to working late (even subconsciously). The thing is, these things are often related in subtle ways. If I were to over-generalize I might say that having poor boundaries is part of why they stay late, and a part of the problems they are avoiding at home.

jodrellblank 9y ago
I won't say I /work/ 60 hours a week, but there's times I spend 60 hours a week at work because it's simply more pleasant than anything else I have. And that's not subconscious, it's a very present tension between "ugh I shouldn't be here so much (but it's easy)" and "ugh I don't want to go home and face the reality I'm avoiding".
- phkahler 9y ago
  IMHO fixing your world is better (and harder) than avoiding it, but we all deal with our crap in our own time.
davidjnelson 9y ago
Boundaries are surprisingly powerful!

milesvp 9y ago

I suspect a lot of the long hours is actually a sort of productivity blindness. I've seen some research that suggests the people who most believe they're being effective working >40hrs/wk for more than 6 week stretches are the least likely to have positive net value after 40hrs. Worse is this compounds, such that working less hours in the short term do tend to result in less productivity, until one can recover from overwork. Sadly, I'm not sure it translates well to industries like yours, where there is just a lot of physical labor involved, and long door hours. My understanding, is that one of the problems is simply the hours in the restaurant business require chef's attention for long hours each day, coupled with the vital need that the kitchen's output is consistent. Hopefully you're thinking of ways to not have to be present, or ways to spend money instead of time, or just simplifying the menu to be less labor intensive. My heart goes out to you though, I know some chefs, and they are a special breed.

deleted 9y ago
[deleted]

watwut 9y ago

After you spent some time working that much, you forget what to do when you are not working. You will forget how to socialize out of work, you will not know activities you might like, you will loose friends and family will be alienated and used to live without you (you being suddenly at home will be distracting to them). You come home and it is empty and lonely - you can watch tv or play game, but it likely feels pointless. Staying long in work allows you to drown the pointless feeling, at least you can feel good about yourself.