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> Alternately, they could also just learn how to validate and be with women's emotions (and their own). That would mean unlearning every single thing society t

> Alternately, they could also just learn how to validate and be with women's emotions (and their own). That would mean unlearning every single thing society tells us not to do. I would ask you listen to this: https://www.npr.org/2018/03/19/594719471/guys-we-have-a-problem-how-american-masculinity-creates-lonely-men https://www.npr.org/2018/03/19/594719471/guys-we-have-a-prob... Humans are emotional creatures, modern men get that beaten out of them. If you're female I'd ask that you talk to some of the men you know and ask them if they've been emotional around women in the past and how that went. This is a societal problem and if we keep treating men as both the problem and the source of their own problem, its never going to change. As it stands I highly doubt anything will change in America in my generation or the next two at the very least. Until it becomes a problem that can't be ignored this will continue to be ignored.

knightofmars 9y ago
Thank you for posting this. I have attempted to explain this very issue in the past. Women's verbal and non-verbal responses to men are extremely formative in how men learn to behave.
ada1981 9y ago
I studied PUA for a decade, coached it (and even saved the marriage of one of the all time most famous "gurus"). I was a master of shutting down my emotions, acting like a guy with avoidant attachment in order to trigger a womans anxious attachment. I slept with tons of women and also couldn't sustain a "relationship" once any sort of actual intimacy was demanded of me. Finally, after being at the brink of suicide, I realized that my emotions were deeply valuable things and that I needed to develop a relationship with them -- all of them, and stop trying to run from sadness or rage or jealousy or rejection. Once that internal process reached a critical mass, I then began the work of retraining my nervous system to be oriented towards people who were more secure and able to be with others honest expression of emotion. This meant telling the truth and often feeling like shit when people did, in fact, reject me. I regained my ability to feel, however, along with my ability to be with others feelings. Now, I'm engaged to an incredible woman and have a coaching practice full of all sorts of folks seeking guidance on how to have real relationships. Some of my clients read HN, others run the companies you work for, star in the movies you stream or build the products you use. It's hard work, but highly recommended and required if we are going to emerge into a new paradigm of human relating. Gratuitous engagement video shot with drones on a remote tropical island that we are planning to turn into a village for visionaries like all of you here ;) >> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gEiW-Jee2eI https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gEiW-Jee2eI

knightofmars 9y ago

Thank you for posting this. I have attempted to explain this very issue in the past. Women's verbal and non-verbal responses to men are extremely formative in how men learn to behave.

ada1981 9y ago

I studied PUA for a decade, coached it (and even saved the marriage of one of the all time most famous "gurus"). I was a master of shutting down my emotions, acting like a guy with avoidant attachment in order to trigger a womans anxious attachment. I slept with tons of women and also couldn't sustain a "relationship" once any sort of actual intimacy was demanded of me. Finally, after being at the brink of suicide, I realized that my emotions were deeply valuable things and that I needed to develop a relationship with them -- all of them, and stop trying to run from sadness or rage or jealousy or rejection. Once that internal process reached a critical mass, I then began the work of retraining my nervous system to be oriented towards people who were more secure and able to be with others honest expression of emotion. This meant telling the truth and often feeling like shit when people did, in fact, reject me. I regained my ability to feel, however, along with my ability to be with others feelings. Now, I'm engaged to an incredible woman and have a coaching practice full of all sorts of folks seeking guidance on how to have real relationships. Some of my clients read HN, others run the companies you work for, star in the movies you stream or build the products you use. It's hard work, but highly recommended and required if we are going to emerge into a new paradigm of human relating. Gratuitous engagement video shot with drones on a remote tropical island that we are planning to turn into a village for visionaries like all of you here ;) >> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gEiW-Jee2eI https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gEiW-Jee2eI