4 ms·

I guess it depends on what version of the social contact you think we're all operating with. I'd say the quite minor inconvenience of someone ahead of you in li

by gradys 9y ago

I guess it depends on what version of the social contact you think we're all operating with. I'd say the quite minor inconvenience of someone ahead of you in line trying to start a conversation is part of what you sign up for when you go out in public. That is, as long as the initiator is prepared to take the hint when it's clear you don't want to talk.

currymj 9y ago
friendly conversation, sure, but there's enough people who refuse to take a hint that their romantic overture is unwanted. they might even retaliate with really aggressive, angry behavior. this is rare, but i think it has poisoned the well in some places -- especially for women, these unusual but very frightening situations can make the whole thing have a negative expected value.
hokus 9y ago
I take it as a design question. Do we want a society designed for people who like to interact or do we want to design it after the desire for limiting interaction as much as possible? One time, on a crowded train, an elderly lady just started talking about her visit to her lovely grandchildren and what they had been up to since her last visit. It wasn't a short story and to her it was the most fascinating experience in the world. While telling it she turned her head towards anyone who wasn't looking at her. She had quite the powerful gaze. She wasn't screaming but had a loud voice. Eventually someone rudely interrupted her to ask her if she could stop talking. She just bluntly told him to go sit some place else. "The train is full of people silently gazing out of the window, people who forgot how to talk with others. What are you waiting for? Off you go?" At that point the laughter made it apparent that people sitting really far away were also listening to her. She kept staring at him and kept telling him to just go away, go be miserable some place else, don't expect us to share your misery. Being made the center of attention everyone else was also looking at him. Eventually he just got up and left (producing even more laughter) The moment he got up she continued her story exactly where she left of with a tone of voice as if the entire incident never happened. The most interesting thing I took from the experience was how confident she was that a person who doesn't like to talk with strangers also doesn't talk back when ordered to piss off. Her involving 30 random strangers in her monologue also ruled out any physical retaliation. After the story about her visit to the grandchildren she told us she always talked to strangers, she did this her entire life and wasn't about to stop. She got to know many nice people. She didn't like how the last few decades this made her the center of attention but felt obligated to remind us things weren't always like this. We shouldn't let people like the guy who just left force us to stop talking. They are overstepping the bounds. It isn't for them to decide who you can or cant talk to. "Who does he think he is being so disrespectful to an elderly lady?" When she grew up one would listen to what older people had to say. They've been around, you might learn something. It was a hilarious experience. I've been talking to random strangers ever since. At times you run into introvert people who obviously didn't talk with anyone for years. Without saying anything they reinforce the idea we should keep doing this. Trust me, you can PM anyone you like on irc. If they say you can't do that you just tell them you just did. The funniest resolve for the protesters you inevitably run into when doing this has to be.... https://memecrunch.com/meme/20XL1/come-at-me-bro-bruce-lee https://memecrunch.com/meme/20XL1/come-at-me-bro-bruce-lee
- expertentipp 9y ago
  > She kept staring at him and kept telling him to just go away, go be miserable some place else, don't expect us to share your misery From my experience it’s females are more likely to use this argumentation to marginalize the enemy - “nobody wants you, you are alone, go away loser”, etc. Someone might not want to share your misery some time in the future, elderly lady.
  - morgtheborg 9y ago
    Yes, those pesky "females" always ruining the good times of people who just want them to shut the hell up.
  - jschwartzi 9y ago
    My god, what will they do next? Start wearing clothes?
- odiroot 9y ago
  > Do we want a society designed for people who like to interact or do we want to design it after the desire for limiting interaction as much as possible? Personally I would prefer the first one. Like most of people in here, I'd risk a guess. On the other hand I don't think it's good to have people like your "elderly lady" just casually imposing themselves on a train full of others. There's a balance in everything.
  - jschwartzi 9y ago
    The point of the story was that she wasn't actually imposing. It's just that the kid she told off was acting like he was representing the other 30 people. The rest of them were probably either indifferent or were entertained by her which is how most people are when you actually talk to them like human beings. Setting the standard that telling people about your day or telling them about yourself is "imposing" is exactly the kind of thinking that's producing our society where nobody ever has a real conversation unless it's via introduction by a third party and an app first.
duxup 9y ago
I've signed that part of the contract. Other people haven't, but if they're irked or just shy, stuff happens. There's no good way to be sure. Maybe we could employ some sort of thing we could all wear if we're ok with a random conversation or something?
- Yahivin 9y ago
  > Maybe we could employ some sort of thing we could all wear if we're ok with a random conversation or something? It's called a smile. :)
  - carlmr 9y ago
    Germany is the nation of not smiling. I still strike up conversations and 70% are receptive (and then start smiling). Smiling is not universal.

by gradys 9y ago

currymj 9y ago

friendly conversation, sure, but there's enough people who refuse to take a hint that their romantic overture is unwanted. they might even retaliate with really aggressive, angry behavior. this is rare, but i think it has poisoned the well in some places -- especially for women, these unusual but very frightening situations can make the whole thing have a negative expected value.

hokus 9y ago

I take it as a design question. Do we want a society designed for people who like to interact or do we want to design it after the desire for limiting interaction as much as possible? One time, on a crowded train, an elderly lady just started talking about her visit to her lovely grandchildren and what they had been up to since her last visit. It wasn't a short story and to her it was the most fascinating experience in the world. While telling it she turned her head towards anyone who wasn't looking at her. She had quite the powerful gaze. She wasn't screaming but had a loud voice. Eventually someone rudely interrupted her to ask her if she could stop talking. She just bluntly told him to go sit some place else. "The train is full of people silently gazing out of the window, people who forgot how to talk with others. What are you waiting for? Off you go?" At that point the laughter made it apparent that people sitting really far away were also listening to her. She kept staring at him and kept telling him to just go away, go be miserable some place else, don't expect us to share your misery. Being made the center of attention everyone else was also looking at him. Eventually he just got up and left (producing even more laughter) The moment he got up she continued her story exactly where she left of with a tone of voice as if the entire incident never happened. The most interesting thing I took from the experience was how confident she was that a person who doesn't like to talk with strangers also doesn't talk back when ordered to piss off. Her involving 30 random strangers in her monologue also ruled out any physical retaliation. After the story about her visit to the grandchildren she told us she always talked to strangers, she did this her entire life and wasn't about to stop. She got to know many nice people. She didn't like how the last few decades this made her the center of attention but felt obligated to remind us things weren't always like this. We shouldn't let people like the guy who just left force us to stop talking. They are overstepping the bounds. It isn't for them to decide who you can or cant talk to. "Who does he think he is being so disrespectful to an elderly lady?" When she grew up one would listen to what older people had to say. They've been around, you might learn something. It was a hilarious experience. I've been talking to random strangers ever since. At times you run into introvert people who obviously didn't talk with anyone for years. Without saying anything they reinforce the idea we should keep doing this. Trust me, you can PM anyone you like on irc. If they say you can't do that you just tell them you just did. The funniest resolve for the protesters you inevitably run into when doing this has to be.... https://memecrunch.com/meme/20XL1/come-at-me-bro-bruce-lee https://memecrunch.com/meme/20XL1/come-at-me-bro-bruce-lee

expertentipp 9y ago
> She kept staring at him and kept telling him to just go away, go be miserable some place else, don't expect us to share your misery From my experience it’s females are more likely to use this argumentation to marginalize the enemy - “nobody wants you, you are alone, go away loser”, etc. Someone might not want to share your misery some time in the future, elderly lady.
- morgtheborg 9y ago
  Yes, those pesky "females" always ruining the good times of people who just want them to shut the hell up.
- jschwartzi 9y ago
  My god, what will they do next? Start wearing clothes?
odiroot 9y ago
> Do we want a society designed for people who like to interact or do we want to design it after the desire for limiting interaction as much as possible? Personally I would prefer the first one. Like most of people in here, I'd risk a guess. On the other hand I don't think it's good to have people like your "elderly lady" just casually imposing themselves on a train full of others. There's a balance in everything.
- jschwartzi 9y ago
  The point of the story was that she wasn't actually imposing. It's just that the kid she told off was acting like he was representing the other 30 people. The rest of them were probably either indifferent or were entertained by her which is how most people are when you actually talk to them like human beings. Setting the standard that telling people about your day or telling them about yourself is "imposing" is exactly the kind of thinking that's producing our society where nobody ever has a real conversation unless it's via introduction by a third party and an app first.

duxup 9y ago

I've signed that part of the contract. Other people haven't, but if they're irked or just shy, stuff happens. There's no good way to be sure. Maybe we could employ some sort of thing we could all wear if we're ok with a random conversation or something?

Yahivin 9y ago
> Maybe we could employ some sort of thing we could all wear if we're ok with a random conversation or something? It's called a smile. :)
- carlmr 9y ago
  Germany is the nation of not smiling. I still strike up conversations and 70% are receptive (and then start smiling). Smiling is not universal.