> step back from identarianism and recognize that members of both genders are disproportionately afflicted ... it would be more constructive to put aside this '

> step back from identarianism and recognize that members of both genders are disproportionately afflicted ... it would be more constructive to put aside this 'which gender is a greater victim' competition (Aside: ALL genders. Just wanted to get that out of the way :D) Yes! Gender politics is a double edged sword in that way: in attempting to point out inequity it's easy to unintentionally reinforce gender dynamics even more (through defensiveness, raising the stakes, etc). To be clear, I see Bumble pointing out inequity, but not so much dismantling notions about gender, which I think is where most conversations about this stuff fall short. What I find is that the people who most vehemently disagree (and most thoughtfully oppose) my point of view on this often are gesturing at the same point on the horizon as I am: a future where gender just doesn't play as much of a role. But to get there we have to train ourselves to see all these "maladies," as you say. > Inherent in that comment is the supposition that there is something toxic about masculinity itself. Not quite. There is something toxic about certain traditionally masculine behaviors. That's why I was careful to use the as it's practiced in corporate culture language. Of course there are toxic feminine behaviors as well: IIRC former Uber engineer Susan Fowler's HR rep (a woman IIRC) gaslighted her, saying something like "the common thread here is you." > you imply that Tinder is a part of [a gendered power structure] Dude, the entire culture is entangled with a gendered power structure! But re: dating apps, I pretty specifically called out what's gendered about that experience i.e. an imabalance of abusive behavior. > *don't gas light anyone who recognizes [a women run company] as a form of tribalism. Not saying anyone's crazy to think that women-run is a kind of tribalism, I'm actually advocating for "stepping back from identarianism" as you say. People (esp. men in my experience) seem quick to defend against any kind of gendered accusation or even relatively benign discussion around gender, even if they don't personally have any skin in the game. It's as if the very topic presents an existential threat.