6 ms·

Ask HN: For those who don't have children, what do you do during your free time?

37 points by polote 9y ago

jryan49 9y ago
Nothing
ineedasername 9y ago
I have 3 kids, i often ask myself this in a slightly different form: what the heck did I do with all my time before I had kids? I don't know. It's like a mental block. I know it involved a lot more reading for fun and videogames, but that's a vague piece of knowledge that lacks detailed memories. I have a lot more fun now though, with the kids. I laugh a lot more.
- grigjd3 9y ago
  Yeah, I never feel lonely now. I remember feeling lonely all time before my daughter.
- AndrewKemendo 9y ago
  I'm in exactly the same boat. The conclusion I have come to is that we got way more efficient at doing pretty much everything, or eliminating things that we felt were just a complete waste of time. Which is probably why everything feels rushed all the time (at least to me).
  - ineedasername 9y ago
    Yep, it definitely enforces a lot of streamlining
grigjd3 9y ago
So before I was a father, I incorrectly thought I was quite busy. Mostly though, I would hang out with friends, travel, go see movies, etc.
clearly 9y ago
Climbing, running, playing guitar, reading, hanging out.
Madmallard 9y ago
Video games and occasionally programming since becoming ill. Before that add cycling and rhythm games to the picture. Life is hard.
kgraves 9y ago
Just implementing algorithms for my side projects when I get the time to. I don't do much else, maybe watch movies with a few friends or YouTube.
ndstephens 9y ago
Over the last 6 months? Study and teach myself programming (attempting a career change). Outside of that...hiking, kayaking, some socializing at bars etc, short road-trips. Still have many of the same "life-chores" as parents (cooking, cleaning, errands), but they probably aren't as stressful or come with the same time crunch. I think children can be great, but i'm not sure i'm cut out for it 24/7.
pentagonpapers 9y ago
Booze
emerged 9y ago
Work, side programming projects, fitness, home improvement / yard work, art and music, travel, spend time with other family, video games. I schedule my days because there are endless things to do in this life. Boredom makes absolutely no sense to me.
__mp 9y ago
Social events, the occasional book/movie, tech-related stuff, photography and sports: Hiking and mountainbiking in summer, and splitboarding in winter.
andrewl-hn 9y ago
Just overwork and paid extra for that. Gotta make some buck while I can.
greenleafjacob 9y ago
Self improvement: reading and writing math, coding, and playing Starcraft.
kyleperik 9y ago
Working on side projects. Teaching my Chinchillas tricks is also a very time consuming task, and it helps me learn how their minds work and also how similar they are to my mind sometimes. Those adorable stubborn balls of fur.
Endy 9y ago
Tabletop RPGs & board games. I sort of have a pipe dream of writing and publishing my own game someday.
sametmax 9y ago
In no particular order: Reading, cooking, handing out with friends, traveling, sleeping, working on personal projects, running, meditating, trying a new life habit, taking a break, organizing, fixing, improving, hiking, rock climbing, creating a new company, catching up on my field of expertise, cleaning, calling people I like, going to the cinema, going to a show, watching tv shows, testing a different tool, meeting new people, doing something that takes time but saves money, going to an event or a party, going to a museum, doing live escape games, playing laser tags, diner with friends, varying on sex, going to a health specialist, caring for my skin or hairs, choosing second hand cool clothes in a thrift shop, working more hours, helping friends with something... Kids has nothing to do with what I do though. It's a matter of time. Some people without kids still don't have time. They work a lot, or have a hobby that fill up the day or just do things very slowly to enjoy the moment, or live in area where everything takes more time, or have a big commute. Some people do have kids but have a lot of money and don't wish to spend time with them, hiring somebody to do it. Other just neglect the kids. So the thing is more: you created a life with kids, you decided to take care of those kids, you agreed it would take a lot of time to make it the way you think it should be done (e.g: they being sane and healthy) and allocated that time to those kids. Basically it's just like anything else: you decided to add something, here taking care of the kids, that takes time instead of something else. Kids is just a label to it and is no better, or worse, than any other activity.
- JeanMarcS 9y ago
  I agree with you, it's a matter of time. Yet, there are a lot of those things you can still do with kids around without neglect them. That's a part (in my opinion) of education to involve them in your activities. Of course, it's not true on their first years, but when they start to grow, that's something you can do. For example, last December I went with my wife and my 7yo twins to a 10 days vacation in NYC. They enjoyed visiting the Met or the natural history museum, probably not in the same way my wife and I did, but still. And it was a great time for all of us. And kids go to sleepl early (for their well being), ours are in bed at 7:30pm, so there's still a lot of time to do plenty of stuff :-)
- AndrewKemendo 9y ago
  So the thing is more: you created a life with kids, you decided to take care of those kids, you agreed it would take a lot of time to make it the way you think it should be done (e.g: they being sane and healthy) and allocated that time to those kids. This attributes way more intentionality onto having children than actually is the case, in almost half of cases. In 2011, 45% of all pregnancies in the US were unintended, and 18% of all pregnancies being unwanted [1]. That means that for the nearly 4 Million births in the US yearly (using 2011 numbers), the intentions you state about how to think about time management with the additional kid likely does not apply for about 1.8 Million of them. Speaking as a father of three, your statement is discounting a number of things - including personality type - and I find that those with kids who do a lot are predisposed to doing so, how they manage that with kids varies by their predispositions. So its naiive to equivocate having kids to taking on a new hobby or a job - for various social, legal and ethical reasons. They just aren't the same. [1] https://www.guttmacher.org/fact-sheet/unintended-pregnancy-united-states https://www.guttmacher.org/fact-sheet/unintended-pregnancy-u...
billconan 9y ago
reading, hiking, skiing, drawing, deep learning
trixie_ 9y ago
A question asked by someone who was single once so already knows the answer... This is patronizing, sorry if you don’t realize it.
- ken 9y ago
  Many people have children when they're young, and don't know an adult life without them. Or the question may have simply been intended to find out what unexpected activities other people have. I don't see how it's "patronizing" at all.
- louiswilbrink 9y ago
  I don’t see how this question reaches the level of patronizing. Kids take time. Not having them frees up that time — OP is curious how people spend it. What leap of logic am I missing?
  - foobarchu 9y ago
    It's patronizing because the asker did not always have children. Unless they started having kids at a very young age, they clearly have experienced the same kind of 'free time' anyone without kids has. With modern entertainment, it's not hidden knowledge what kinds of activities people do in their leisure time. That, coupled with the question, offers the implication that they already know what the answers will be and simply want validation that the way they spend their time is superior. That's textbook patronizing. OP may not have meant it that way, but it's pretty easy for it to come off that way, hence why the question sounds kind of patronizing.
influnza 9y ago
Composing and recording music, songs, painting, various crafts, reading, rarely programming, playing video games (though I have less time for them in the last year). I noticed I have much more time available if my husband is away, so hanging out with him too. I have 2 cats, they require some attention too. I would hire someone to deal with kids.
bobbytherobot 9y ago
I'm curious, was OP never childless?
deleted 9y ago
[deleted]
gigama 9y ago
hack, make, learn...
chriskanan 9y ago
Free time? I'm faculty member at a university. I run a large research lab, and have big dreams and goals with regard to what I want my lab to accomplish. There is always more to do, so I don't really have any "free time." I have found that it is necessary to make time to relax or I'll get severely burnt out. For example, I'll typically stop working 2-4 hours before bed, and I'll occasionally take a weekend off, especially after deadlines. When I take time off, I spend it with my wife if she is around (two-body problem), I watch shows/movies, cook, and play PC games. I also go to the gym for about 5 hours per week, which I enjoy and find useful for both mental and physical health. To flip the question around, "If or when I have kids, how am I going to still preserve my career ambitions and maintain my productivity as well as maintain a happy family?" This question has been on my mind a lot lately. Some of my friends with children and who are academics report feeling guilty a lot: Neglecting their career, neglecting their graduate students, neglecting their families, and neglecting their children. There are only so many hours in the day. People tell me that you become more efficient once you have children and/or that you just sleep even less. I've heard others kind of criticize others' success in academia as being due to "not having children," and anecdotally it does seem like many of the most successful academics don't have children, have them after they have already achieved significant success and built a strong reputation, or have stay-at-home spouses.
- daly 9y ago
  I am also childless these days and doing research. Research is like skin. You never get away from it. But, then, who would want to?
lurquer 9y ago
Practice making children.
Overtonwindow 9y ago
I sleep and read a lot. Unless it's going out with friends, or some event. Occasionally partake in marijuana.
nitai 9y ago
All the things that you did before you had kids :)

37 points by polote 9y ago

Nothing

I have 3 kids, i often ask myself this in a slightly different form: what the heck did I do with all my time before I had kids? I don't know. It's like a mental block. I know it involved a lot more reading for fun and videogames, but that's a vague piece of knowledge that lacks detailed memories. I have a lot more fun now though, with the kids. I laugh a lot more.

grigjd3 9y ago
Yeah, I never feel lonely now. I remember feeling lonely all time before my daughter.
AndrewKemendo 9y ago
I'm in exactly the same boat. The conclusion I have come to is that we got way more efficient at doing pretty much everything, or eliminating things that we felt were just a complete waste of time. Which is probably why everything feels rushed all the time (at least to me).
- ineedasername 9y ago
  Yep, it definitely enforces a lot of streamlining

grigjd3 9y ago

So before I was a father, I incorrectly thought I was quite busy. Mostly though, I would hang out with friends, travel, go see movies, etc.

clearly 9y ago

Climbing, running, playing guitar, reading, hanging out.

Madmallard 9y ago

Video games and occasionally programming since becoming ill. Before that add cycling and rhythm games to the picture. Life is hard.

kgraves 9y ago

Just implementing algorithms for my side projects when I get the time to. I don't do much else, maybe watch movies with a few friends or YouTube.

ndstephens 9y ago

Over the last 6 months? Study and teach myself programming (attempting a career change). Outside of that...hiking, kayaking, some socializing at bars etc, short road-trips. Still have many of the same "life-chores" as parents (cooking, cleaning, errands), but they probably aren't as stressful or come with the same time crunch. I think children can be great, but i'm not sure i'm cut out for it 24/7.

pentagonpapers 9y ago

Booze

emerged 9y ago

Work, side programming projects, fitness, home improvement / yard work, art and music, travel, spend time with other family, video games. I schedule my days because there are endless things to do in this life. Boredom makes absolutely no sense to me.

__mp 9y ago

Social events, the occasional book/movie, tech-related stuff, photography and sports: Hiking and mountainbiking in summer, and splitboarding in winter.

andrewl-hn 9y ago

Just overwork and paid extra for that. Gotta make some buck while I can.

greenleafjacob 9y ago

Self improvement: reading and writing math, coding, and playing Starcraft.

kyleperik 9y ago

Working on side projects. Teaching my Chinchillas tricks is also a very time consuming task, and it helps me learn how their minds work and also how similar they are to my mind sometimes. Those adorable stubborn balls of fur.

Endy 9y ago

Tabletop RPGs & board games. I sort of have a pipe dream of writing and publishing my own game someday.

sametmax 9y ago

In no particular order: Reading, cooking, handing out with friends, traveling, sleeping, working on personal projects, running, meditating, trying a new life habit, taking a break, organizing, fixing, improving, hiking, rock climbing, creating a new company, catching up on my field of expertise, cleaning, calling people I like, going to the cinema, going to a show, watching tv shows, testing a different tool, meeting new people, doing something that takes time but saves money, going to an event or a party, going to a museum, doing live escape games, playing laser tags, diner with friends, varying on sex, going to a health specialist, caring for my skin or hairs, choosing second hand cool clothes in a thrift shop, working more hours, helping friends with something... Kids has nothing to do with what I do though. It's a matter of time. Some people without kids still don't have time. They work a lot, or have a hobby that fill up the day or just do things very slowly to enjoy the moment, or live in area where everything takes more time, or have a big commute. Some people do have kids but have a lot of money and don't wish to spend time with them, hiring somebody to do it. Other just neglect the kids. So the thing is more: you created a life with kids, you decided to take care of those kids, you agreed it would take a lot of time to make it the way you think it should be done (e.g: they being sane and healthy) and allocated that time to those kids. Basically it's just like anything else: you decided to add something, here taking care of the kids, that takes time instead of something else. Kids is just a label to it and is no better, or worse, than any other activity.

JeanMarcS 9y ago
I agree with you, it's a matter of time. Yet, there are a lot of those things you can still do with kids around without neglect them. That's a part (in my opinion) of education to involve them in your activities. Of course, it's not true on their first years, but when they start to grow, that's something you can do. For example, last December I went with my wife and my 7yo twins to a 10 days vacation in NYC. They enjoyed visiting the Met or the natural history museum, probably not in the same way my wife and I did, but still. And it was a great time for all of us. And kids go to sleepl early (for their well being), ours are in bed at 7:30pm, so there's still a lot of time to do plenty of stuff :-)
AndrewKemendo 9y ago
So the thing is more: you created a life with kids, you decided to take care of those kids, you agreed it would take a lot of time to make it the way you think it should be done (e.g: they being sane and healthy) and allocated that time to those kids. This attributes way more intentionality onto having children than actually is the case, in almost half of cases. In 2011, 45% of all pregnancies in the US were unintended, and 18% of all pregnancies being unwanted [1]. That means that for the nearly 4 Million births in the US yearly (using 2011 numbers), the intentions you state about how to think about time management with the additional kid likely does not apply for about 1.8 Million of them. Speaking as a father of three, your statement is discounting a number of things - including personality type - and I find that those with kids who do a lot are predisposed to doing so, how they manage that with kids varies by their predispositions. So its naiive to equivocate having kids to taking on a new hobby or a job - for various social, legal and ethical reasons. They just aren't the same. [1] https://www.guttmacher.org/fact-sheet/unintended-pregnancy-united-states https://www.guttmacher.org/fact-sheet/unintended-pregnancy-u...

billconan 9y ago

reading, hiking, skiing, drawing, deep learning

trixie_ 9y ago

A question asked by someone who was single once so already knows the answer... This is patronizing, sorry if you don’t realize it.

ken 9y ago
Many people have children when they're young, and don't know an adult life without them. Or the question may have simply been intended to find out what unexpected activities other people have. I don't see how it's "patronizing" at all.
louiswilbrink 9y ago
I don’t see how this question reaches the level of patronizing. Kids take time. Not having them frees up that time — OP is curious how people spend it. What leap of logic am I missing?
- foobarchu 9y ago
  It's patronizing because the asker did not always have children. Unless they started having kids at a very young age, they clearly have experienced the same kind of 'free time' anyone without kids has. With modern entertainment, it's not hidden knowledge what kinds of activities people do in their leisure time. That, coupled with the question, offers the implication that they already know what the answers will be and simply want validation that the way they spend their time is superior. That's textbook patronizing. OP may not have meant it that way, but it's pretty easy for it to come off that way, hence why the question sounds kind of patronizing.

influnza 9y ago

Composing and recording music, songs, painting, various crafts, reading, rarely programming, playing video games (though I have less time for them in the last year). I noticed I have much more time available if my husband is away, so hanging out with him too. I have 2 cats, they require some attention too. I would hire someone to deal with kids.

bobbytherobot 9y ago

I'm curious, was OP never childless?

deleted 9y ago

[deleted]

gigama 9y ago

hack, make, learn...

chriskanan 9y ago

Free time? I'm faculty member at a university. I run a large research lab, and have big dreams and goals with regard to what I want my lab to accomplish. There is always more to do, so I don't really have any "free time." I have found that it is necessary to make time to relax or I'll get severely burnt out. For example, I'll typically stop working 2-4 hours before bed, and I'll occasionally take a weekend off, especially after deadlines. When I take time off, I spend it with my wife if she is around (two-body problem), I watch shows/movies, cook, and play PC games. I also go to the gym for about 5 hours per week, which I enjoy and find useful for both mental and physical health. To flip the question around, "If or when I have kids, how am I going to still preserve my career ambitions and maintain my productivity as well as maintain a happy family?" This question has been on my mind a lot lately. Some of my friends with children and who are academics report feeling guilty a lot: Neglecting their career, neglecting their graduate students, neglecting their families, and neglecting their children. There are only so many hours in the day. People tell me that you become more efficient once you have children and/or that you just sleep even less. I've heard others kind of criticize others' success in academia as being due to "not having children," and anecdotally it does seem like many of the most successful academics don't have children, have them after they have already achieved significant success and built a strong reputation, or have stay-at-home spouses.

daly 9y ago
I am also childless these days and doing research. Research is like skin. You never get away from it. But, then, who would want to?

lurquer 9y ago

Practice making children.

Overtonwindow 9y ago

I sleep and read a lot. Unless it's going out with friends, or some event. Occasionally partake in marijuana.

nitai 9y ago

All the things that you did before you had kids :)