4 ms·

you know what I don't like? I don't like not knowing if a person is genuinely interested or just being polite. I mean, the last thing I want to do is to trap

by lsc 16y ago

you know what I don't like? I don't like not knowing if a person is genuinely interested or just being polite. I mean, the last thing I want to do is to trap someone into a boring (to them) conversation. I'd much rather they tell me they aren't interested. On the other hand, I don't want to avoid talking to people out of unfounded fear. Really, the best solution is to have people leave when they are no longer interested in talking to me. (I mean, it'd be even better if I could get actual feedback so I'd know if they were bored or if they have other things to do but that sounds like too much to ask.) I mean, I try to leave people places in the conversation where they can leave if they aren't interested in my 'tales from the computer janitor' or whatever, but that's hard to do without sounding like I'm not interested in talking to them, so really it works out best when people are direct. So yeah, speaking as someone without much by way of social skills, I depend on people leaving, or as you said "ditching" me when they are bored with me- I mean, sure there are subtle signals the socially skilled send so others can tell when someone else is bored. Sometimes I can pick up on those... but sometimes I can't. Like I said, I'm not very socially skilled.

dkarl 16y ago
You speak a minority language and will never persuade the majority to learn yours. On the other hand, it takes two to tango, and if they can't extricate themselves from an unwanted conversation with you, then either they aren't trying very hard (because they're passive-aggressive) or their social skills have limits just like yours. Either way, it's a combination of their weakness with yours that leads to awkwardness. By all means keep working on your skills, but try to see "normal" people as falling into a spectrum of social ability that you also fall into (deep in one end, apparently, but you'll be surprised how close some "normal" people come.)
- lsc 16y ago
  I agree. I'm just trying to explain that this assumption that other people will break off the conversation if they are not interested is central to how I've overcome my own social anxiety.

by lsc 16y ago

dkarl 16y ago

You speak a minority language and will never persuade the majority to learn yours. On the other hand, it takes two to tango, and if they can't extricate themselves from an unwanted conversation with you, then either they aren't trying very hard (because they're passive-aggressive) or their social skills have limits just like yours. Either way, it's a combination of their weakness with yours that leads to awkwardness. By all means keep working on your skills, but try to see "normal" people as falling into a spectrum of social ability that you also fall into (deep in one end, apparently, but you'll be surprised how close some "normal" people come.)

lsc 16y ago
I agree. I'm just trying to explain that this assumption that other people will break off the conversation if they are not interested is central to how I've overcome my own social anxiety.