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I'll tell you what I did: I always told them not to go into programming. Now two out of three have a skyrocketing career in startups, and the third is a math t

by raarts 9y ago

I'll tell you what I did: I always told them not to go into programming. Now two out of three have a skyrocketing career in startups, and the third is a math teacher who can build websites but doesn't...

dpflan 9y ago
Interesting. What motivated two of them go into programming? When did they not heed your advice?
- raarts 9y ago
  I think there are two drivers in how you as a parent influence your children: what you say, and what you do. The latter usually is stronger. Compare for example how often parents who smoke themselves, succeed in keeping their children off of it.. Also: I guess there's a SO, that person has just as much an influence as you do (including showing passion for something). And of course there are others too. I think their main motivation was them seeing my passion. And of course: advice are only words, actions speak louder. In my opinion setting a strong example is the best you can do. Show them your passion. And accept that you will not - and should not - decide how they'll lead their life.
  - dpflan 9y ago
    I understand your position: talking/speaking is even a subset "actions", so it makes sense that the actions are more affective and informative - either directly or over time when your children reach different stages in life and understanding. I do have eureka moments about my parents' behavior at times, but sometimes hearing them say why behaved as they did / acted as they did / setting an example or a construct for me to live in, is very useful. It can be a fun conversation. It's as though you wait until the words will be truly meaningful.
    - raarts 9y ago
      Upon re-reading I realize my last sentence did not come out exactly as I wanted to say it. What I really meant was that in the end (when they left the house) I realized that you both have and haven't a lot of influence on your children. And even though I'm really happy with the way they turned out, and we like patting ourselves on the back for that, it's just as true that things could have gone sideways so easily due to bad luck, circumstances, things not under our control. And all the good intentions beforehand notwithstanding: people have their faults, have bad days, can be unlucky. Love, understanding, empathy, and humility make life so much better for everyone.

by raarts 9y ago

dpflan 9y ago

Interesting. What motivated two of them go into programming? When did they not heed your advice?

raarts 9y ago
I think there are two drivers in how you as a parent influence your children: what you say, and what you do. The latter usually is stronger. Compare for example how often parents who smoke themselves, succeed in keeping their children off of it.. Also: I guess there's a SO, that person has just as much an influence as you do (including showing passion for something). And of course there are others too. I think their main motivation was them seeing my passion. And of course: advice are only words, actions speak louder. In my opinion setting a strong example is the best you can do. Show them your passion. And accept that you will not - and should not - decide how they'll lead their life.
- dpflan 9y ago
  I understand your position: talking/speaking is even a subset "actions", so it makes sense that the actions are more affective and informative - either directly or over time when your children reach different stages in life and understanding. I do have eureka moments about my parents' behavior at times, but sometimes hearing them say why behaved as they did / acted as they did / setting an example or a construct for me to live in, is very useful. It can be a fun conversation. It's as though you wait until the words will be truly meaningful.
  - raarts 9y ago
    Upon re-reading I realize my last sentence did not come out exactly as I wanted to say it. What I really meant was that in the end (when they left the house) I realized that you both have and haven't a lot of influence on your children. And even though I'm really happy with the way they turned out, and we like patting ourselves on the back for that, it's just as true that things could have gone sideways so easily due to bad luck, circumstances, things not under our control. And all the good intentions beforehand notwithstanding: people have their faults, have bad days, can be unlucky. Love, understanding, empathy, and humility make life so much better for everyone.