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I thought I must have misunderstood the story, because after skimming it I had the same impression. The author came across as having superiority + victim comple

by psyc 9y ago

I thought I must have misunderstood the story, because after skimming it I had the same impression. The author came across as having superiority + victim complex, and I got the impression that yes, the team has problems, but the author was toxic.

AstralStorm 9y ago
Congratulations, you've labelled the author exactly as she did other people. (Labelled, pigeonholed, same thing.) This is how these things get started, people label each other in a bad way then force them to stick to labels. (In a soft way or more explicitly.) There is no good way out of such situation. If you point it out you're labelled as disruptive, because status quo is God. Even more so if you escalate. If you take initiative, get labelled toxic and evil. If you quit, you're a quitter or job hopper.
- DoreenMichele 9y ago
  There are good ways out. The fact that she and you have no idea what they are notwithstanding.
  - AstralStorm 9y ago
    Please name a few of them. specifically ones that will result in a good situation for all involved. I'm actually interested and not being obtuse here.
    - DoreenMichele 9y ago
      You decline to fit the label. You decline to accuse the labeler. You treat it as a communication problem. You starve the drama of attention. You prove them wrong by failing to be guilty of the accusation. You assume the first several incidents are unfortunate happenstance.
      - diyseguy 9y ago
        "Starve the drama of attention". Love it.
    - psyc 9y ago
      DoreenMichele already indicated what she could have done, and what she shouldn't have. She did not take the high road. She demonstrated that she had a chip on her shoulder and chose to express that in her behavior. I'd have raised the issue with the manager in a non-confrontational, constructive way. If that proved impossible or ineffective, I'd have accepted it or quit. Even the author freely admits nothing good came of her approach, but she failed to realize that put her in the wrong, because she had a superiority complex.
    - diyseguy 9y ago
      It's all about intention. Her intention was to set up and take down others. Her intention was to hurt, not heal. When it gets to this point, you're not a team player anymore. You are a saboteur. I've seen people get like this when the stress is way too high (which is common in the tech field). Arguably, there is a time to not forgive, e.g. 'Three Billboards'. But that level of line in the sand stuff should only be used rarely, not on a regular basis.

by psyc 9y ago

AstralStorm 9y ago

Congratulations, you've labelled the author exactly as she did other people. (Labelled, pigeonholed, same thing.) This is how these things get started, people label each other in a bad way then force them to stick to labels. (In a soft way or more explicitly.) There is no good way out of such situation. If you point it out you're labelled as disruptive, because status quo is God. Even more so if you escalate. If you take initiative, get labelled toxic and evil. If you quit, you're a quitter or job hopper.

DoreenMichele 9y ago
There are good ways out. The fact that she and you have no idea what they are notwithstanding.
- AstralStorm 9y ago
  Please name a few of them. specifically ones that will result in a good situation for all involved. I'm actually interested and not being obtuse here.
  - DoreenMichele 9y ago
    You decline to fit the label. You decline to accuse the labeler. You treat it as a communication problem. You starve the drama of attention. You prove them wrong by failing to be guilty of the accusation. You assume the first several incidents are unfortunate happenstance.
    - diyseguy 9y ago
      "Starve the drama of attention". Love it.
  - psyc 9y ago
    DoreenMichele already indicated what she could have done, and what she shouldn't have. She did not take the high road. She demonstrated that she had a chip on her shoulder and chose to express that in her behavior. I'd have raised the issue with the manager in a non-confrontational, constructive way. If that proved impossible or ineffective, I'd have accepted it or quit. Even the author freely admits nothing good came of her approach, but she failed to realize that put her in the wrong, because she had a superiority complex.
  - diyseguy 9y ago
    It's all about intention. Her intention was to set up and take down others. Her intention was to hurt, not heal. When it gets to this point, you're not a team player anymore. You are a saboteur. I've seen people get like this when the stress is way too high (which is common in the tech field). Arguably, there is a time to not forgive, e.g. 'Three Billboards'. But that level of line in the sand stuff should only be used rarely, not on a regular basis.