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> Long ago I had a co-worker who would slap me on the back in an "attaboy" sort of way. Firm and solid, but not physically damaging. I politely asked him to sto
by badosu 9y ago
> Long ago I had a co-worker who would slap me on the back in an "attaboy" sort of way. Firm and solid, but not physically damaging. I politely asked him to stop and he gave me two more whacks in reply, saying "You big kidder, you're always joking around." and continued his behavior until he left for another job.
Not to say what you should do, but saying: that is pretty disrespectful and you should have stood your ground, if you can't deal with a simple situation like this you won't learn how to deal with more difficult and subtler ones.
Verbal communication can be much more insidious and harmful, getting rid of physical touch will not mitigate harassment on the workplace, just cripple good old human behaviour and move the bad parts somewhere else.
As a native from Brazil I cannot imagine feeling comfortable at a workplace where normal behaviour must be monitored.
- minikites 9y ago>if you can't deal with a simple situation like this you won't learn how to deal with more difficult and subtler ones So it's my fault and I deserved it? It was my first "adult" job and lots of people put up with a lot more in order to keep their job. Have you only ever worked in positions of privilege? Can you not see the power dynamics in play here?
- Y_Y 9y agoMaybe assigning a "fault" is a bad way to model this. GP was trying to give advice that you can take or leave, but in their estimation you could have had a better outcome by following the advice. Do you deserve it if you might have been able to stop it but didn't try? I'd say such a "deserving" isn't a useful concept in this instance. I try to just think about making a judgement on what action will turn out best, and not prevent myself doing so because of what it might "mean".
- gowld 9y agominikites explicitly explained that they did try. Stop blaming the victim of mistreatment for their mistreatment.
- badosu 9y agoI did not blame anyone, just gave advice to be more firm on your social boundaries. As someone who was mistreated many times in the start of my career this is the advice I wish I had heard.
- Y_Y 9y agoIs that comment addressed to me? I don't think I've blamed anyone for anything, and furthermore I don't see how you could think so. Why would I want to? In the hopes of getting back on topic, I think that the more isolating society gets, the more unpleasant that people are comfortable with being to one another, and that produces a negative feedback loop. We've all seen it in online discussion, but I think there's definitely a meatspace analogue.
- badosu 9y ago> So it's my fault and I deserved it? I am not saying that, I am saying that you should demand respect from others, this helps you respect yourself.