5 ms·

the thing that always surprises me when reading my texts from decades ago, is how similar they were to my current thoughts. Circumstances are very different, I'

the thing that always surprises me when reading my texts from decades ago, is how similar they were to my current thoughts. Circumstances are very different, I'm not. I've had the exact opposite experience. I blush at the posts I see on facebook from what I've posted 2-3 years back, and that's stuff that I had given a little thought to, before posting. If I kept a diary/journal, I'd be perpetually embarrassed of my past trail of thoughts.

jm__87 9y ago
I'm more or less in the same boat as you :). But to look at it in a more positive light, that discomfort at looking at your past self just shows how far you've come. So it can also be an indicator you're on the right track.
da_chicken 9y ago
Hm. I used to be the same, but now I look back and I'm no longer embarrassed. I'm already so hard on myself about everything, I really don't want yet another thing to beat myself up about. What's the use in being upset because I was wrong in the past? I'm wrong about things every day. All I can do is try to do better. I think one key was that I have gone back and read something that I wrote which I no longer remember writing that genuinely impresses me. I've stumbled upon my own answers on, say, StackOverflow, or found old posts on discussion boards before for topics I find interesting, or found some old scripts I wrote long ago that do something I now have need of. When I've had a question that needed an answer and discovered that my own answer from years ago is the best one I can find, it feels pretty good. When the argument I've used in the past is still well-reasoned, that also feels pretty good. When the code I used in the past was correct and complete and well commented, that really feels good. No, not everything I've done before has been good quality, but it's a lot of fun to stumble on your own things that are good quality. It also makes it easier to forgive yourself for all the errors that you've made in your life.
- deleted 9y ago
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- skunkworks 9y ago
  Agree wholeheartedly. I've posted my fair share of cringeworthy things over the years, but that has improved as my sense of self-identity has stabilized and my insecurities have faded. What makes me cringe is usually not the content of the message but the way that I say it -- a tone of superiority, condescension, anger, self-pity, or attention seeking. Without being too reductive, my feelings about myself have changed and that's made it easier to be nicer to myself and by extension to others.
orbitur 9y ago
From age 12 to 17, I was a super prolific "poet." I had four binders full of looseleaf pages of all kinds of writing. I had also kept every note that my girlfriends had given to me during that time. Around age 22, I found them in my closet, and I was overcome with shame and embarrassment. I immediately burned them all. More than a decade after burning them, there's a little bit of me that wishes I hadn't, but the feeling of embarrassment is so strong, I'm cringing thinking about some lines now. I would never want to show them to anyone. I clearly remember writing some of it, the environment where I wrote it, the events that inspired the writing, the path my brain took (and how that path was determined) for the lines I wrote, the pain in my hand from gripping the pen too tight for too long. I remember exactly how I felt then. But I am not that person. I don't like who that person was. I envy anyone who isn't ashamed of their previous writing.

jm__87 9y ago

I'm more or less in the same boat as you :). But to look at it in a more positive light, that discomfort at looking at your past self just shows how far you've come. So it can also be an indicator you're on the right track.

da_chicken 9y ago

Hm. I used to be the same, but now I look back and I'm no longer embarrassed. I'm already so hard on myself about everything, I really don't want yet another thing to beat myself up about. What's the use in being upset because I was wrong in the past? I'm wrong about things every day. All I can do is try to do better. I think one key was that I have gone back and read something that I wrote which I no longer remember writing that genuinely impresses me. I've stumbled upon my own answers on, say, StackOverflow, or found old posts on discussion boards before for topics I find interesting, or found some old scripts I wrote long ago that do something I now have need of. When I've had a question that needed an answer and discovered that my own answer from years ago is the best one I can find, it feels pretty good. When the argument I've used in the past is still well-reasoned, that also feels pretty good. When the code I used in the past was correct and complete and well commented, that really feels good. No, not everything I've done before has been good quality, but it's a lot of fun to stumble on your own things that are good quality. It also makes it easier to forgive yourself for all the errors that you've made in your life.

deleted 9y ago
[deleted]
skunkworks 9y ago
Agree wholeheartedly. I've posted my fair share of cringeworthy things over the years, but that has improved as my sense of self-identity has stabilized and my insecurities have faded. What makes me cringe is usually not the content of the message but the way that I say it -- a tone of superiority, condescension, anger, self-pity, or attention seeking. Without being too reductive, my feelings about myself have changed and that's made it easier to be nicer to myself and by extension to others.

orbitur 9y ago

From age 12 to 17, I was a super prolific "poet." I had four binders full of looseleaf pages of all kinds of writing. I had also kept every note that my girlfriends had given to me during that time. Around age 22, I found them in my closet, and I was overcome with shame and embarrassment. I immediately burned them all. More than a decade after burning them, there's a little bit of me that wishes I hadn't, but the feeling of embarrassment is so strong, I'm cringing thinking about some lines now. I would never want to show them to anyone. I clearly remember writing some of it, the environment where I wrote it, the events that inspired the writing, the path my brain took (and how that path was determined) for the lines I wrote, the pain in my hand from gripping the pen too tight for too long. I remember exactly how I felt then. But I am not that person. I don't like who that person was. I envy anyone who isn't ashamed of their previous writing.