I've pretty much been smashed down to a Flatland version of Maslow's bottom levels so the deeper philosophical ideas of how to fix anything seem beyond me. I ha

I've pretty much been smashed down to a Flatland version of Maslow's bottom levels so the deeper philosophical ideas of how to fix anything seem beyond me. I have no idea what there is left in that regard because even those closest to me who supposedly loved me and have seen what I have suffered have all worn down into that distancing/victim blaming thing that seems to common in long term suffering. Were it not for a few amazing people I have met over my lifetime, only one of which who was family and who is deceased, I would not find it easy to believe anyone really cared about others. I am aware enough to know my views aren't all knowing fact...I just don't see how this country is going to change given how emotionally deep and how ingrained in personal identity the national culture is for so many. What brings me happiness? All sorts of things. Seeing my cat play. Seeing good people happy and healthy. Being warm and having a lower pain day. A good book. In the past I loved exploring and travel and was very active. Losing physical health was a major blow and I found the greatest happiness I have ever known in a long hike or run, or days wandering through a new city non-stop, where I was able to push myself physically and mentally to exhaustion, yet not suffer lasting pain for it...I miss that vitality so much it hurts. But perhaps what i miss most of all is the belief I had countless options before me, and no matter what life brought it would work out and I would have my loved ones around me. The innocent naivete of youth.