7 ms·

> It feels like one of those things which creeps on you, and before you know it, you aren't attending social events, you don't have much energy or confidence, y

> It feels like one of those things which creeps on you, and before you know it, you aren't attending social events, you don't have much energy or confidence, your perception of others becomes skewed, and it all seems pretty helpless. "How did you get lonely?" "Gradually, then suddenly." ... I wonder if there aren't many aspects of life like this.

hestipod 9y ago
"Gradually then suddenly" This phrase, it's context, and your follow up thought have affected me in a raw and uncomofortable way I wasn't expecting today.
- drdeadringer 9y ago
  And similar to yours to me. Many thanks.
- marnett 9y ago
  In what ways? I'm interested to hear what it made you think of.
  - hestipod 9y ago
    It just connected with the losses and changes of getting older and less self sufficient, and how those have been magnified in me since I was struck down before 30 with serious health issues so I experienced them earlier than I should have. It's hard to believe how long its been looking back. I feel my life sort of froze in many ways and the wounds most definitely haven't healed with time. "Gradually, then suddenly" just seems to fit this and so many aspects of life. I suspect many people can relate.
    - marnett 9y ago
      Given that perspective it is quite a somber phrase. Assuming you are living in America, do you feel like the standard 'things you should care about' package offered to us by government, cultural-shaping institutions, and the economy-shaping institutions is rather lack-luster when the standard distractions do not apply? I guess more specifically, given the variance off the 'standard american life' you have experienced, most of the 'escapes' don't quite fit the mold of your experiences. I know there isn't really a question there - I guess, if you don't mind, I'd like to hear your thoughts on those ideas.
      - hestipod 9y ago
        I'm always afraid of the negative attention with such political statements, but I most definitely feel left behind by America and am not a fan of it's priorities. I did what I was "supposed" to, paid into the system, worked hard, and when I needed help it wasn't there and common things available to me before, like medical care/insurance, were suddenly out of reach. I find that incomprehensible in a first world nation. I have seen friends in similar positions in countries with robust social systems rebuild their lives and live/contribute again in ways not possible without that healthcare/education/living support. I lived abroad for some time and was able to access medical care there I simply cannot afford here but wasn't able to emigrate fully. The "rugged individualism" attitude of the culture doesn't seem to have much room for people once they lose their independence whether it's their fault or not...which frankly I don't think should matter...but especially hurts since I am not at fault for my situation. I gave up arguing about it a long time ago as I've never succeeded in changing anyone's view and just get depressed at the debate. Only suffering it directly seems to ever change people, and some of those people still seem to attack other victims rather than the cause of the issue. It's a bigger problem than I can affect but I hope one day people aren't left behind in such ways.
        marnett 9y ago
        Thank you for sharing your thoughts, although I didn't intend, specifically, for them to seem political. I think your statements lie at the core of American society. My asking was more a sociological inquiry than a political one, largely because I agree with you, the problem is one that stems from all U.S. institutions with any large amount of power. Unfortunately I think inciting any large scale change is impossible. So that brings me to my next inquiry, aside from possibly planting seeds in the minds of others to think about the world from a vastly different perspective, what is there left? Many live comfortably never paying any attention to the spectacle that is our life, our society, our value - unfortunately, as you pointed out, many people will not look for more substance unless their life derails from 'how it is supposed to go' (the very norm of which is pitched from said institutions with influencing power). What is it that brings you happiness or awe? Satisfying your curiosity for knowledge? Writing out your thoughts on the world? I am of the increasing position that happiness can only be rooted in things of great depth, substance, and near-cosmic importance. I'm just curious to your thoughts.
legulere 9y ago
I checked this out as I heard the phrase before. "Gradually, then suddenly" seems to be originally a quote from Hemmingway in The Sun Also Rises about bankrupcy: “How did you go bankrupt?" - "Two ways. Gradually, then suddenly.” It is quoted then in the context of depression in the movie Prozac Nation: "Gradually, then suddenly." That's how depression hits. You wake up one morning, afraid that you're gonna live.
- marnett 9y ago
  Hemmingway's The Sun Also Rises is an amazing novel for anyone who has not read it. Some truly amazing characters and social dynamics are laid out in that book. I finished it in one sitting when I read it a few years back, it was a page-turner in a weird, unmatched kind of way.
- trophycase 9y ago
  Interesting little piece of trivia. I'm on vacation and just finished reading The Sun Also Rises 2 days ago and I'm now reading "The Awakening" by Kate Chopin and just encountered this passage: "They became intimate and friendly by imperceptible degrees, and then by leaps." Which reads very similar to the Hemmingway passage. Maybe he stole it ;)

hestipod 9y ago

"Gradually then suddenly" This phrase, it's context, and your follow up thought have affected me in a raw and uncomofortable way I wasn't expecting today.

drdeadringer 9y ago
And similar to yours to me. Many thanks.
marnett 9y ago
In what ways? I'm interested to hear what it made you think of.
- hestipod 9y ago
  It just connected with the losses and changes of getting older and less self sufficient, and how those have been magnified in me since I was struck down before 30 with serious health issues so I experienced them earlier than I should have. It's hard to believe how long its been looking back. I feel my life sort of froze in many ways and the wounds most definitely haven't healed with time. "Gradually, then suddenly" just seems to fit this and so many aspects of life. I suspect many people can relate.
  - marnett 9y ago
    Given that perspective it is quite a somber phrase. Assuming you are living in America, do you feel like the standard 'things you should care about' package offered to us by government, cultural-shaping institutions, and the economy-shaping institutions is rather lack-luster when the standard distractions do not apply? I guess more specifically, given the variance off the 'standard american life' you have experienced, most of the 'escapes' don't quite fit the mold of your experiences. I know there isn't really a question there - I guess, if you don't mind, I'd like to hear your thoughts on those ideas.
    - hestipod 9y ago
      I'm always afraid of the negative attention with such political statements, but I most definitely feel left behind by America and am not a fan of it's priorities. I did what I was "supposed" to, paid into the system, worked hard, and when I needed help it wasn't there and common things available to me before, like medical care/insurance, were suddenly out of reach. I find that incomprehensible in a first world nation. I have seen friends in similar positions in countries with robust social systems rebuild their lives and live/contribute again in ways not possible without that healthcare/education/living support. I lived abroad for some time and was able to access medical care there I simply cannot afford here but wasn't able to emigrate fully. The "rugged individualism" attitude of the culture doesn't seem to have much room for people once they lose their independence whether it's their fault or not...which frankly I don't think should matter...but especially hurts since I am not at fault for my situation. I gave up arguing about it a long time ago as I've never succeeded in changing anyone's view and just get depressed at the debate. Only suffering it directly seems to ever change people, and some of those people still seem to attack other victims rather than the cause of the issue. It's a bigger problem than I can affect but I hope one day people aren't left behind in such ways.
      - marnett 9y ago
        Thank you for sharing your thoughts, although I didn't intend, specifically, for them to seem political. I think your statements lie at the core of American society. My asking was more a sociological inquiry than a political one, largely because I agree with you, the problem is one that stems from all U.S. institutions with any large amount of power. Unfortunately I think inciting any large scale change is impossible. So that brings me to my next inquiry, aside from possibly planting seeds in the minds of others to think about the world from a vastly different perspective, what is there left? Many live comfortably never paying any attention to the spectacle that is our life, our society, our value - unfortunately, as you pointed out, many people will not look for more substance unless their life derails from 'how it is supposed to go' (the very norm of which is pitched from said institutions with influencing power). What is it that brings you happiness or awe? Satisfying your curiosity for knowledge? Writing out your thoughts on the world? I am of the increasing position that happiness can only be rooted in things of great depth, substance, and near-cosmic importance. I'm just curious to your thoughts.

legulere 9y ago

I checked this out as I heard the phrase before. "Gradually, then suddenly" seems to be originally a quote from Hemmingway in The Sun Also Rises about bankrupcy: “How did you go bankrupt?" - "Two ways. Gradually, then suddenly.” It is quoted then in the context of depression in the movie Prozac Nation: "Gradually, then suddenly." That's how depression hits. You wake up one morning, afraid that you're gonna live.

marnett 9y ago
Hemmingway's The Sun Also Rises is an amazing novel for anyone who has not read it. Some truly amazing characters and social dynamics are laid out in that book. I finished it in one sitting when I read it a few years back, it was a page-turner in a weird, unmatched kind of way.
trophycase 9y ago
Interesting little piece of trivia. I'm on vacation and just finished reading The Sun Also Rises 2 days ago and I'm now reading "The Awakening" by Kate Chopin and just encountered this passage: "They became intimate and friendly by imperceptible degrees, and then by leaps." Which reads very similar to the Hemmingway passage. Maybe he stole it ;)