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You should be asking the opposite question. Why does anyone choose to have children? The answer as far as I can tell for most people is that they didn't actual
by BugsJustFindMe 9y ago
You should be asking the opposite question. Why does anyone choose to have children?
The answer as far as I can tell for most people is that they didn't actually choose after careful consideration of merits. They either just kinda felt like they wanted kids or were told that they needed to have kids or kids just kinda happened, or some combination of the three. But so much of the terrible part of having kids is hidden from potential parents that few people ever get to make a well-informed decision.
Have you ever looked at someone with young children? I mean really looked them in the eyes? They look miserable. Every single one of them. They deny it up down and sideways, but it's true except for rare brief moments. It's just that the rare joyful moments are they ones they remember because our brains suppress trauma. And it lasts for years; that miserable look doesn't go away until they've burned all of their youth. Do they love their children? Yes. Would they do anything for their children? Usually. And so would many pet owners. Are they proud of what their children grow into? Mmm...sometimes. Are they glad that they had children? Mmm...sometimes. Would they do it again if given the chance to turn back the clock? Mmm...sometimes. That's the dirty secret that you're not supposed to talk about.
Not having children makes everything less stressful, and by everything I mean literally every last little thing. Every single moment of every day of your entire life is cheaper and easier without children. Every decision you make involves fewer obligations. Want to DuoLingo for a couple months and then burn some cash and move to a foreign country for a while? Go for it. But good luck integrating an 8-year-old into elementary school on a one year tourist visa.
My mother and father had a bunch of amazing life adventure stories. None of them were from after I was born.
No regrets so far.
- thebooktocome 9y agoThere was already a recent Ask HN on why people have children. https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=16509949 https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=16509949
- BugsJustFindMe 9y ago> There was already a recent Ask HN on why people have children. That's ok. If you read past my first line you'll see that I'm answering the question asked in _this_ one.
- thebooktocome 9y agoMaybe if you read the other thread you'll have a more informed opinion on the issue.
- BugsJustFindMe 9y agoYou mean the one where the first line of the top comment says "Notice that most of the comments here are describing post-hoc how having children has been fulfilling/great/worth it. Which isn't really the question - it's not asking if having children was a good move in retrospect."? Yeah. I read that thread. Did you?
- thebooktocome 9y agoI'm really getting mixed signals regarding your opinions on reading past the first line of a text.
- andrenth 9y agoYou’re lucky your parents didn’t share your thoughts. As a father of a two year old boy, what you’re saying is bullshit. It may satisfy your need to rationalize your decision to not have children, but it’s still bullshit.
- fghtr 9y agoNothing except denial in your words. Sounds like you confirm what the parent said then... We are here at HN to argue, not to deny.
- andrenth 9y agoYes, denial. Having a child is unbelievable, it’s the most amazing thing I could have experienced in my life. The parent weights that against... having time for duolingo. Go figure.
- deleted 9y ago[deleted]
- BugsJustFindMe 9y agoIt sounds like you're very angry about something. Want to talk about it?
- andrenth 9y agoBullshitters make me angry.
- montrose 9y agoThe look you're seeing is fatigue, not misery. There's a class of things that make you tired but happy, and small children are one of them. When I need to smile because I'm having my picture taken, I just think of my kids.
- dr_win 9y ago> You should be asking the opposite question. Why does anyone choose to have children? I would think that the opposite question does not need much explanation because we have some DNA programming to spread our genes and to "make offsprings". Assuming a healthy person and all the social/cultural/economical/philosophical influences aside if one decided not to have children, they must fight their own hormones in the first place. And to do that successfully they must have a strong reason and be able to stick to it because that signal is pretty strong. That's why the question "why not" is more interesting for me.
- BugsJustFindMe 9y agoEverything you've said is right, but giving in to biological imperative isn't really the same as choosing, is it?
- deleted 9y ago[deleted]
- dwaltrip 9y agoIt's not just a biological imperative. There are strong cultural influences as well.