From a random keyboard in a small town in the Midwest, my heart goes out to you, Internet stranger. I'm so sorry that you have had to endure this kind of suffer

From a random keyboard in a small town in the Midwest, my heart goes out to you, Internet stranger. I'm so sorry that you have had to endure this kind of suffering. I had fairly severe depression for several years (although probably not as bad as yours), and it affected my self-esteem, like yours seems to be affecting you. It's just not your fault, friend. Easy for me to say, right? But go easy on yourself. You didn't ask for the combination of genes & environment that has predisposed you to this. I'm sure you have professionals to advise you on the best course of treatment, but for what it's worth, regular exercise has helped me tremendously, as much as medication and self-acceptance.