4 ms·

I am 26, and I suffered depression and other mental health issues for many years. I have to tell you: it is hard to survive. Till this day, 1 year after my firs

I am 26, and I suffered depression and other mental health issues for many years. I have to tell you: it is hard to survive. Till this day, 1 year after my first attempt, I still cannot recover from my mental illness. I am back to school studying neuroscience and psychology, but ironically I still end up being depressed. No words can describe the hardship a mental illness patient has to endure. It sucks and it sucks so much I have been cutting myself constantly again. Bipolar, depression, personality disorder. I have them. I overdose and continue to abuse my psychotic drugs on a regular basis in order to stabilize my mood and sleep schedule. As I am typing this, I am already losing my mind but I will be fine in a few hours, but the cycle will repeat. I feel like I am The Boy Who Cries Wolf, but in reality, I am not. Can I die? No. I am 26 and I have been hospitalized several times already. Friends will leave, family will be worried, and I can lose my job. On social media, I either have to stay positive or just keep my mouth shut so no one needs to see the negativity. I guess the reason I want to express my struggle in public from time to time is to because I want to outside of my social circle. I have pretty much abandoned social media in general. I depend on approvals and romantic love to substation my self-worth because I have none. I compensate my insecurities and lack of self identity by trying to be other people's "savior". If you have a family or a friend who is suffering some form of mental illness, yeah, give them constant reassurance. It's very difficult to find someone to talk to without being judged and offer advice such as "you have to control your mind." I can't when I am not in control of my mind. I feel possessed and that's what mental illness is. It's a possession of an uncontrolled mind. No need to report to my ex-employer / future employer. I am safe, and currently I am not employed anyway (well just resigned).

mr_overalls 9y ago
From a random keyboard in a small town in the Midwest, my heart goes out to you, Internet stranger. I'm so sorry that you have had to endure this kind of suffering. I had fairly severe depression for several years (although probably not as bad as yours), and it affected my self-esteem, like yours seems to be affecting you. It's just not your fault, friend. Easy for me to say, right? But go easy on yourself. You didn't ask for the combination of genes & environment that has predisposed you to this. I'm sure you have professionals to advise you on the best course of treatment, but for what it's worth, regular exercise has helped me tremendously, as much as medication and self-acceptance.
adamsea 9y ago
One step at a time, man :). Said With compassion and sympathy.
alangpierce 9y ago
Thanks for sharing, I think it's important for the world to get better at understanding these sorts of problems. I've dealt with plenty of mental health issues myself, and can definitely empathize with the frustration you're feeling. I hope things get better for you.
RobertRoberts 9y ago
Make tiny steps every day, eventually you will climb out of it. Remind yourself what the truth is all the time so your overwhelming feelings don't lead you to bad decisions. Pay attention to how your mood and actions affects others negatively, use this to motivate yourself to do something, anything, to make permanent change in your life. Many of us here have dealt with this, you are not alone. Resist the urge to feel bad for yourself, it's a vicious cycle. Find someone else to take care of or help, it will give you a little boost and remind you to not slip back into despair. And be careful about talking with others that are depressed about your experiences, as I felt like it was two drowning people holding onto eachother while they sank lower. (my personal experience, yours may vary if you are both fighting it together) Find things to smile about, think about good things to look forward to, fight against this.

mr_overalls 9y ago

From a random keyboard in a small town in the Midwest, my heart goes out to you, Internet stranger. I'm so sorry that you have had to endure this kind of suffering. I had fairly severe depression for several years (although probably not as bad as yours), and it affected my self-esteem, like yours seems to be affecting you. It's just not your fault, friend. Easy for me to say, right? But go easy on yourself. You didn't ask for the combination of genes & environment that has predisposed you to this. I'm sure you have professionals to advise you on the best course of treatment, but for what it's worth, regular exercise has helped me tremendously, as much as medication and self-acceptance.

adamsea 9y ago

One step at a time, man :). Said With compassion and sympathy.

alangpierce 9y ago

Thanks for sharing, I think it's important for the world to get better at understanding these sorts of problems. I've dealt with plenty of mental health issues myself, and can definitely empathize with the frustration you're feeling. I hope things get better for you.

RobertRoberts 9y ago

Make tiny steps every day, eventually you will climb out of it. Remind yourself what the truth is all the time so your overwhelming feelings don't lead you to bad decisions. Pay attention to how your mood and actions affects others negatively, use this to motivate yourself to do something, anything, to make permanent change in your life. Many of us here have dealt with this, you are not alone. Resist the urge to feel bad for yourself, it's a vicious cycle. Find someone else to take care of or help, it will give you a little boost and remind you to not slip back into despair. And be careful about talking with others that are depressed about your experiences, as I felt like it was two drowning people holding onto eachother while they sank lower. (my personal experience, yours may vary if you are both fighting it together) Find things to smile about, think about good things to look forward to, fight against this.