This is exactly where the "suicide warning" on anti-depressants come from. The "I want to die" thought and the "my shotgun is loaded" thought are at their core

This is exactly where the "suicide warning" on anti-depressants come from. The "I want to die" thought and the "my shotgun is loaded" thought are at their core, the same "I don't want to live". However, the later has motive and intent behind it. The whole goal of anti-depressants is basically to give you motive and intent. In many cases, that can be really good but it also means you have motive for the suicidal thoughts that still linger around.