4 ms·

This makes sense. I became a much happier person when I exited high school and realized that I actually could get positive outcomes from being weird. The "Mask"

This makes sense. I became a much happier person when I exited high school and realized that I actually could get positive outcomes from being weird. The "Mask" is more like a script imo, and it's good to be able to drop it when needed. The examples of girls with autism trying to fit in with other girls was sad. I remember in middle school how my nerdy coed friend group got bullied for sitting together at lunch. The guys got called gay and the girls were shunned by other girls. There was a lot of explicit peer group pressure to only associate by gender. Fortunately most people grew out of this by high school. Personally, I think I tended towards associating with males more often because I enjoyed competitive games (yugioh, magic, etc) and they were more likely to play. I always preferred hobbies with explicit rules to the comparative anarchy of navigating social circles. It's a shame that so many other girls get pressured by family and peers to avoid predominantly male social hobbies. I think they actually help improve self-confidence and create meaningful friendships far more easily for autistic folks than typical sleepovers or gossiping or whatever.

ikeyany 9y ago
> Fortunately most people grew out of this by high school. But did they?
- sudosteph 9y ago
  Well, they started sitting at tables with people of the opposite sex at least. By that measurement at least, I presumed so.
  - deleted 9y ago
    [deleted]
  - ikeyany 9y ago
    That's true. Originally I had the " men and women can't be good friends unless there's an ulterior motive" line you see in adulthood.
    - badosu 9y ago
      Well, is there friendship without an ulterior motive at all?
      - reitanqild 9y ago
        Of course. That's one of the main points of real friends.
        badosu 9y ago
        What you call 'real' friends maybe are friends to which you assign a high value due to cooperative behaviour that's sustainable long term. As soon as this behaviour expectation is broken, you'd probably not consider them 'real' friends.
- opportune 9y ago
  You can self-select yourself away from them. Most people probably don't grow out of that by high school, but then most people aren't worth your time anyway
- kpil 9y ago
  No. I'm living in Sweden. The cultural elite and the whole country behaves like a insecure high-school class where everyone is anxiously watching what everyone else is doing, what's 'right' and what's 'out'. We are extremely conformist. The topic of immigration and integration is obvious, but also extreme feminism, environmental issues is on the list. People even dress the same.
deleted 9y ago
[deleted]
bitexploder 9y ago
I am older now and go to FNM (Friday Night Magic), mostly, for my son who got me back into it. There are a couple of regulars, one of which is a girl that reminds me a lot of you and the other ladies in this article. When she is concentrating on her turn and play more of her tells come out as she focuses. I try to do two things 1.) Don't make small talk (unless they initiate with something specific) and 2.) Since we it is a card game and there is a pretense not to, I don't make eye contact. She actually talks /lot/ more of I do those two things. The guy in the group has a kind of opposite problem and rambles a lot but his train of thought is funny (genuinely funny/witty) to me and my son so w e don't mind. Our group is also (super male heavy) but very nice and in a more liberal area. It is a great to get out and be nerdy and give everyone a social thing where everyone has immediate common ground. Age 12-50. It really is cool. Not sure I had much of a point and I had already figured most of this out (we have a niece who is on the spectrum), but.. I didn't realize quite how deep it could go with the practice social things / mask. Being not so great at social things myself I just find it exhausting to do more normal social stuff, but I don't have to practice, I am just an introvert.
a888 9y ago
I was an uninhibited schizoid when I was in secondary school. Loud, disruptive, annoying, trashed a lot of potential of friendship and acceptance, basked in name-calling. It was probably my most mentally liberated time of my life. But ever since I left, I wonder if I've learned to conceal these behaviours to maintain the life and career I currently have. So the article kind of unnerves me, leaves me wondering I falling into the same mental traps described. Either that, or maybe I've learned to manage by behaviour in a different way. Self knowledge is a fickle thing.

ikeyany 9y ago

> Fortunately most people grew out of this by high school. But did they?

sudosteph 9y ago
Well, they started sitting at tables with people of the opposite sex at least. By that measurement at least, I presumed so.
- deleted 9y ago
  [deleted]
- ikeyany 9y ago
  That's true. Originally I had the " men and women can't be good friends unless there's an ulterior motive" line you see in adulthood.
  - badosu 9y ago
    Well, is there friendship without an ulterior motive at all?
    - reitanqild 9y ago
      Of course. That's one of the main points of real friends.
      - badosu 9y ago
        What you call 'real' friends maybe are friends to which you assign a high value due to cooperative behaviour that's sustainable long term. As soon as this behaviour expectation is broken, you'd probably not consider them 'real' friends.
opportune 9y ago
You can self-select yourself away from them. Most people probably don't grow out of that by high school, but then most people aren't worth your time anyway
kpil 9y ago
No. I'm living in Sweden. The cultural elite and the whole country behaves like a insecure high-school class where everyone is anxiously watching what everyone else is doing, what's 'right' and what's 'out'. We are extremely conformist. The topic of immigration and integration is obvious, but also extreme feminism, environmental issues is on the list. People even dress the same.

deleted 9y ago

[deleted]

bitexploder 9y ago

I am older now and go to FNM (Friday Night Magic), mostly, for my son who got me back into it. There are a couple of regulars, one of which is a girl that reminds me a lot of you and the other ladies in this article. When she is concentrating on her turn and play more of her tells come out as she focuses. I try to do two things 1.) Don't make small talk (unless they initiate with something specific) and 2.) Since we it is a card game and there is a pretense not to, I don't make eye contact. She actually talks /lot/ more of I do those two things. The guy in the group has a kind of opposite problem and rambles a lot but his train of thought is funny (genuinely funny/witty) to me and my son so w e don't mind. Our group is also (super male heavy) but very nice and in a more liberal area. It is a great to get out and be nerdy and give everyone a social thing where everyone has immediate common ground. Age 12-50. It really is cool. Not sure I had much of a point and I had already figured most of this out (we have a niece who is on the spectrum), but.. I didn't realize quite how deep it could go with the practice social things / mask. Being not so great at social things myself I just find it exhausting to do more normal social stuff, but I don't have to practice, I am just an introvert.

a888 9y ago

I was an uninhibited schizoid when I was in secondary school. Loud, disruptive, annoying, trashed a lot of potential of friendship and acceptance, basked in name-calling. It was probably my most mentally liberated time of my life. But ever since I left, I wonder if I've learned to conceal these behaviours to maintain the life and career I currently have. So the article kind of unnerves me, leaves me wondering I falling into the same mental traps described. Either that, or maybe I've learned to manage by behaviour in a different way. Self knowledge is a fickle thing.