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> It really just came from others’ negative reactions to certain behaviors I would do Isn't this how everyone learns social skills? Maybe for you (and me) this

> It really just came from others’ negative reactions to certain behaviors I would do Isn't this how everyone learns social skills? Maybe for you (and me) this just occurs a little later in life than most.

draw_down 9y ago
Maybe. It just seemed to me as a child that I would rather often do things that other kids wouldn't think to do in the first place, and then get mildly made fun of for it.
- sudosteph 9y ago
  I can relate. I think kids are actually much better at grasping when something is "off" with other kids than adults are. They know who the weird ones are, and they'll definitely let you know if it's you... though if you're like me you may be oblivious to a lot of it. The worst was always when they would pretend to be nice so they could get you to make an even bigger fool of yourself when you finally felt safe enough to be yourself :(
watwut 9y ago
To some extend. Neurotypical people do this without effort or thinking, it happens "automaticaly". You might even be unaware of the process, you just sorta kinda feel weird or bad after doing whatever caused negative reaction previously. Autistic have to think about situation and memorize it the same way as normal people memorize writers and their books for school.
- fps 9y ago
  I don't believe you. Either that or I've never in my life encountered a "neurotypical" child. Figuring out which behaviors are appropriate/inapproriate and changing accordingly, through self awareness and peer feedback, is most of what growing up is. Some people don't outwardly display as much effort, but it requires effort from everyone.
  - watwut 9y ago
    All the kids I know pick huge amount of behaviours the way I described. Not all of it, not complicated stuff, but definitely a lot. They also tend to like what other kids like - without them trying to imitate interest as strategy. It just happen naturally. Especially things like smiling or crying to get something (depending on circumstances) etc - they do it before they have logic and before they have ability to plan. Two years old has tendency to do stuff adults around find cute and react to, but it is not conscious plan. Autistic kid won't or will to lesser extend.
  - Consultant32452 9y ago
    It's not just effort vs no effort. Here's my personal anecdote with autism. Every conversation I have I run every input someone says through a decision tree to determine what the appropriate response is. I do this in my conscious mind. I didn't realize this wasn't normal until much later in life. Unless you're displaying a caricature of "happy" or "sad" emotional expressions I have no idea what your emotional state is. I'm completely blind to it. I have to consciously analyze the shape of your mouth, where your eyebrows are, compare it to the context, etc. to try to determine your emotional state. Not only am I blind to other peoples' nonverbal communication I don't express my own naturally. Every emotion I express through non-verbal means is largely "acting" on my part. I have to consciously make my expressions match my emotional state. My anecdote may not match exactly what another person's with autism, but that's the kind of difference that's meant by doing things "automatically."
    - gt_ 9y ago
      Yes, and I will add the more cumulative result is more one of being judged, unincluded, and isolated, not one of acknowledgement that the communication was impaired. When I have a conversation or a job interview and someone asks me how it went, I never can say. I can speak to practical and obvious fumbles or difficult questions to which I am proud of having known the answer but this seems to not be what is means when I am asked how it went. I literally have no idea how it went and saying I did would be just as well done with a roll of dice. For most of my life, I thought I knew, but I was just working from what I had. Without very explicit novelty displays of preference or emotion, I would just assume things are fine. This is a very bad road to travel.
- opportune 9y ago
  I've never been diagnosed with autism, and if I am on the spectrum it is only barely, but I'm pretty sure all people experience the "can't fall asleep because thinking about embarrassing social-interaction" phenomenon. What might differentiate neurotypical from autistic people in this regard is the sheer amount of information that they are able to glean from a social interaction. That is, a neurotypical person will remember body language, facial cues, and coded language (e.g. "oh.. that's interesting...") as being significant parts of that social interaction to a greater extent than people on the spectrum.
  - deleted 9y ago
    [deleted]
SolaceQuantum 9y ago
Not necessarily. People with autism tend to score very low in recognizing social expressions for example, lending reason as to why they cannot learn social skills the same as others. Neurotypical people tend to be able to pick this up naturally. From what I remember, an autistic brain has a Lower than normal response when seeing faces.

draw_down 9y ago

Maybe. It just seemed to me as a child that I would rather often do things that other kids wouldn't think to do in the first place, and then get mildly made fun of for it.

sudosteph 9y ago
I can relate. I think kids are actually much better at grasping when something is "off" with other kids than adults are. They know who the weird ones are, and they'll definitely let you know if it's you... though if you're like me you may be oblivious to a lot of it. The worst was always when they would pretend to be nice so they could get you to make an even bigger fool of yourself when you finally felt safe enough to be yourself :(

watwut 9y ago

To some extend. Neurotypical people do this without effort or thinking, it happens "automaticaly". You might even be unaware of the process, you just sorta kinda feel weird or bad after doing whatever caused negative reaction previously. Autistic have to think about situation and memorize it the same way as normal people memorize writers and their books for school.

fps 9y ago
I don't believe you. Either that or I've never in my life encountered a "neurotypical" child. Figuring out which behaviors are appropriate/inapproriate and changing accordingly, through self awareness and peer feedback, is most of what growing up is. Some people don't outwardly display as much effort, but it requires effort from everyone.
- watwut 9y ago
  All the kids I know pick huge amount of behaviours the way I described. Not all of it, not complicated stuff, but definitely a lot. They also tend to like what other kids like - without them trying to imitate interest as strategy. It just happen naturally. Especially things like smiling or crying to get something (depending on circumstances) etc - they do it before they have logic and before they have ability to plan. Two years old has tendency to do stuff adults around find cute and react to, but it is not conscious plan. Autistic kid won't or will to lesser extend.
- Consultant32452 9y ago
  It's not just effort vs no effort. Here's my personal anecdote with autism. Every conversation I have I run every input someone says through a decision tree to determine what the appropriate response is. I do this in my conscious mind. I didn't realize this wasn't normal until much later in life. Unless you're displaying a caricature of "happy" or "sad" emotional expressions I have no idea what your emotional state is. I'm completely blind to it. I have to consciously analyze the shape of your mouth, where your eyebrows are, compare it to the context, etc. to try to determine your emotional state. Not only am I blind to other peoples' nonverbal communication I don't express my own naturally. Every emotion I express through non-verbal means is largely "acting" on my part. I have to consciously make my expressions match my emotional state. My anecdote may not match exactly what another person's with autism, but that's the kind of difference that's meant by doing things "automatically."
  - gt_ 9y ago
    Yes, and I will add the more cumulative result is more one of being judged, unincluded, and isolated, not one of acknowledgement that the communication was impaired. When I have a conversation or a job interview and someone asks me how it went, I never can say. I can speak to practical and obvious fumbles or difficult questions to which I am proud of having known the answer but this seems to not be what is means when I am asked how it went. I literally have no idea how it went and saying I did would be just as well done with a roll of dice. For most of my life, I thought I knew, but I was just working from what I had. Without very explicit novelty displays of preference or emotion, I would just assume things are fine. This is a very bad road to travel.
opportune 9y ago
I've never been diagnosed with autism, and if I am on the spectrum it is only barely, but I'm pretty sure all people experience the "can't fall asleep because thinking about embarrassing social-interaction" phenomenon. What might differentiate neurotypical from autistic people in this regard is the sheer amount of information that they are able to glean from a social interaction. That is, a neurotypical person will remember body language, facial cues, and coded language (e.g. "oh.. that's interesting...") as being significant parts of that social interaction to a greater extent than people on the spectrum.
- deleted 9y ago
  [deleted]

SolaceQuantum 9y ago

Not necessarily. People with autism tend to score very low in recognizing social expressions for example, lending reason as to why they cannot learn social skills the same as others. Neurotypical people tend to be able to pick this up naturally. From what I remember, an autistic brain has a Lower than normal response when seeing faces.