5 ms·

> I find the entire thing annoying in the extreme because I have a Patreon account to help fund my blogging and I completely suck at promoting that. > I sincer

by movedx 9y ago

> I find the entire thing annoying in the extreme because I have a Patreon account to help fund my blogging and I completely suck at promoting that. > I sincerely appreciate it anytime anyone actually kicks a few bucks my way when I am in crisis. But I would much prefer that people take me seriously, fund my Patreon and/or hire me for paid writing so that bitching about my shit life on the internet can stop being one of my more lucrative skills. I have no idea who you are. I've never heard of you. I've never seen your blog, YouTube channel, Twitch streaming account, or whatever else it is you have. I didn't read your profile or historical comments here in Hacker News to try and track you down or identify you because... > People genuinely looking to help have zero problem finding my PayPal account or emailing me. ... I'm not going to run around the Internet looking for you. I think I was well within my rights to offer you assistance using the most direct communication means that was available to me at the time of offering it: the comment box directly under your post. I made a safe assumption, in my opinion, that this would (and it did) reach you directly and now I'm being hosed down in public for trying to care about another human being. I don't care about magical karma points. I'm 33 years old: I don't have the time, energy or the f--ks to give with regards to some magical Internet points that amount to sweet F/A. I'm being sincere in my offer and it still stands. I'll email you to get further details from you about how you might want the money, if any, being sent. Good luck.

kome 9y ago
that's so American in so many ways...
- deleted 9y ago
  [deleted]
- pjonesdotca 9y ago
  exactly what I thought
- brokenmachine 9y ago
  I'm not American FWIW, but please explain what you mean?
  - grzm 9y ago
    It's really not important to reinforce whatever stereotype your parent is implying.
    - brokenmachine 9y ago
      In your opinion. Open discussion will not necessarily reinforce anything, people have the ability to draw their own conclusions. Personally I would rather that OP stated their opinion explicitly. Also I actually don't know what the stereotype was that was being implied.
      - kome 9y ago
        Thank you for asking more explanations so nicely, and sorry for being so cryptic. I think that welfare in the US is about philanthropy, charity and "good will", and not about "social rights" as in Europe. And that comment showed exactly that attitude: the guy is kinda confused on why that woman refuses his "good will". She is asking for rights, he is offering "good will". In my opinion, her answer created a cognitive dissonance in his mind, and that's why he answers back so angrily. I find that attitude to social welfare super American. I think that the American approach to welfare has ethical and practical limits. Welfare based on philanthropy and good will is not an efficient welfare: it won’t change much. It also adds a moral dimension that (imho) shouldn't be there… Sorry for the late answer!
        brokenmachine 9y ago
        Nice explanation. Thanks.
lighttower 9y ago
You're angry already. Can you explain what's fueling your indignation?
- aaron-lebo 9y ago
  How about offering to help someone and then people acting like you are a bad person? How about that? I've got nothing for or against either poster, but so many assumptions were made about someone who may have been just trying to help. Why is that fair? Why try to help anyone if you're gonna get treated like that?
  - le-mark 9y ago
    Why indeed? That's the question we all must answer for ourselves.
  - hestipod 9y ago
    You have to realize it's not about YOU and not make it an ego thing where you get offended at a suffering person's reactions. People in need are ignored, blamed and screwed with constantly and it's a normal reaction to be depressed, angry and defensive about it. But instead of having that empathy, most people react with a "Well who do you think you are? Screw you then I was trying to HELP!" and make it all about themselves. It's like people who get angry at someone in an emergency who is panicking or in pain. Yelling at them as if they are being a jerk to make the rescuer/provider's life difficult. I saw it a lot in my previous work. If you want to help others effectively you cannot make it about you and have to approach things outside your ego and gain the trust. Most people can' be bothered.
  - DoreenMichele 9y ago
    I did not make assumptions about them. I talked about my experience with how this typically goes and the fact that I find this sort of comment very problematic. It puts me in an incredibly awkward position because there is absolutely no good way for me to respond to it. If I publicly say yes and they actually help, there is a danger that this will become a running theme on the site. This would be a serious problem for me and for the moderators. It's an inherently disrespectful way to handle the problem. The lack of real respect is one of the things that keeps certain classes of people trapped in poverty. I have been commenting on my poverty on this site for years. I get lots of compliments on my writing here. I also get consistently told that trying to make a middle class income from my writing is a batshit insane deluded unrealistic desire. If people genuinely respected me and genuinely cared, they could help me figure out how to turn my writing skill into a middle class income. I am not asking for charity here. I am asking to be taken seriously as someone who has a valuable skill that I would like to make a career out of. I can get no traction on finding a means to turn that into a middle class income. I have zero desire for my participation here to turn into some circus of me begging for money publicly. I see that as counter to my goal to get taken seriously and establish a career. I also see that as a development that the mods would be fools to not ban me over. I have spent time as a moderator. That's a shitshow I would not tolerate in a community under my care.
DoreenMichele 9y ago
Thank you for your sincerity and your email. I have already replied to your email. I apologize for you being the one who took it in the face here, but it is a kind of comment I absolutely do not want to see more of on the site for a long list of reasons. "The road to hell is paved with good intentions." It isn't enough to mean well. Some ways of handling things simply do not work well.

by movedx 9y ago

kome 9y ago

that's so American in so many ways...

deleted 9y ago
[deleted]
pjonesdotca 9y ago
exactly what I thought
brokenmachine 9y ago
I'm not American FWIW, but please explain what you mean?
- grzm 9y ago
  It's really not important to reinforce whatever stereotype your parent is implying.
  - brokenmachine 9y ago
    In your opinion. Open discussion will not necessarily reinforce anything, people have the ability to draw their own conclusions. Personally I would rather that OP stated their opinion explicitly. Also I actually don't know what the stereotype was that was being implied.
    - kome 9y ago
      Thank you for asking more explanations so nicely, and sorry for being so cryptic. I think that welfare in the US is about philanthropy, charity and "good will", and not about "social rights" as in Europe. And that comment showed exactly that attitude: the guy is kinda confused on why that woman refuses his "good will". She is asking for rights, he is offering "good will". In my opinion, her answer created a cognitive dissonance in his mind, and that's why he answers back so angrily. I find that attitude to social welfare super American. I think that the American approach to welfare has ethical and practical limits. Welfare based on philanthropy and good will is not an efficient welfare: it won’t change much. It also adds a moral dimension that (imho) shouldn't be there… Sorry for the late answer!
      - brokenmachine 9y ago
        Nice explanation. Thanks.

lighttower 9y ago

You're angry already. Can you explain what's fueling your indignation?

aaron-lebo 9y ago
How about offering to help someone and then people acting like you are a bad person? How about that? I've got nothing for or against either poster, but so many assumptions were made about someone who may have been just trying to help. Why is that fair? Why try to help anyone if you're gonna get treated like that?
- le-mark 9y ago
  Why indeed? That's the question we all must answer for ourselves.
- hestipod 9y ago
  You have to realize it's not about YOU and not make it an ego thing where you get offended at a suffering person's reactions. People in need are ignored, blamed and screwed with constantly and it's a normal reaction to be depressed, angry and defensive about it. But instead of having that empathy, most people react with a "Well who do you think you are? Screw you then I was trying to HELP!" and make it all about themselves. It's like people who get angry at someone in an emergency who is panicking or in pain. Yelling at them as if they are being a jerk to make the rescuer/provider's life difficult. I saw it a lot in my previous work. If you want to help others effectively you cannot make it about you and have to approach things outside your ego and gain the trust. Most people can' be bothered.
- DoreenMichele 9y ago
  I did not make assumptions about them. I talked about my experience with how this typically goes and the fact that I find this sort of comment very problematic. It puts me in an incredibly awkward position because there is absolutely no good way for me to respond to it. If I publicly say yes and they actually help, there is a danger that this will become a running theme on the site. This would be a serious problem for me and for the moderators. It's an inherently disrespectful way to handle the problem. The lack of real respect is one of the things that keeps certain classes of people trapped in poverty. I have been commenting on my poverty on this site for years. I get lots of compliments on my writing here. I also get consistently told that trying to make a middle class income from my writing is a batshit insane deluded unrealistic desire. If people genuinely respected me and genuinely cared, they could help me figure out how to turn my writing skill into a middle class income. I am not asking for charity here. I am asking to be taken seriously as someone who has a valuable skill that I would like to make a career out of. I can get no traction on finding a means to turn that into a middle class income. I have zero desire for my participation here to turn into some circus of me begging for money publicly. I see that as counter to my goal to get taken seriously and establish a career. I also see that as a development that the mods would be fools to not ban me over. I have spent time as a moderator. That's a shitshow I would not tolerate in a community under my care.

DoreenMichele 9y ago

Thank you for your sincerity and your email. I have already replied to your email. I apologize for you being the one who took it in the face here, but it is a kind of comment I absolutely do not want to see more of on the site for a long list of reasons. "The road to hell is paved with good intentions." It isn't enough to mean well. Some ways of handling things simply do not work well.