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I’m sorry for your girlfriend’s experience. If it makes you feel any better, it cuts both ways. For example, I was in an Uber Pool yesterday in SF. My driver p

I’m sorry for your girlfriend’s experience. If it makes you feel any better, it cuts both ways. For example, I was in an Uber Pool yesterday in SF. My driver picks up the next passengers (two women), and they refuse to get in after asking what my name is. (Who even asks that?!) They cancel, and we pick up another passenger who’s also female. Keep in mind that my driver and I are both of Indian descent. She instantaneously showed signs of fear and pretended to be asleep while throwing herself on me. I felt a mixture of pity and anger. Mostly anger though, why would you assume that two brown guys are going to rape you? Not to trivialize what happens to women, but it’s certainly an odd reaction to have. In short, I’m glad I don’t live in SF anymore. I thought things were bad in 2015-2016, but what happens there now is much, much worse.

deleted 9y ago
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candiodari 9y ago
> why would you assume that two brown guys are going to rape you? Not to trivialize what happens to women, but it’s certainly an odd reaction to have. Because of the extreme cost of a false negative, ...
- ergothus 9y ago
  I wish i could give you more votes. Without race the equation says high if still small chance of something very bad happening vs guaranteed delay but large percentage decrease in odds of a very bad result. Add in unconscious bias (by race or culture) and the risk seems larger before even without explicitly racist thoughts. Experience what women do for as long as women do, and the odds rank much higher than they do to a man making that evaluation. I'm sure women sharing stories within their cohort for mutual awareness (odds that a woman has heard more horror stories about women in uber/lyft the a man has heard are higher) further alter the different cost/benefit results by gender, though that doesn't say their calculations are unrealistic, just different. I'm guessing many men make subconscious choices about what is "safer" (locking your door, deciding where to park, not flashing any wad of money you might have, etc.) but are baffled that women would do so for decisions where a man doesn't (I know I have been) which just highlights how our culture hasn't discussed the threats to/experiences of the various genders.
DrScump 9y ago
while throwing herself on me I see how someone who would write that could elicit discomfort in strangers.
- ShabbosGoy 9y ago
  That was poor phrasing on my part. I didn’t mean it in the figurative sense, i.e. “she was practically throwing herself at me”. I meant that in the literal sense; she was invading my personal space due to being inebriated.
  - DrScump 9y ago
    You didn't mention her being inebriated, only (allegedly) fearful of you because of your apparent ethnicity. Generally, drunk people are not fearful.

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candiodari 9y ago

> why would you assume that two brown guys are going to rape you? Not to trivialize what happens to women, but it’s certainly an odd reaction to have. Because of the extreme cost of a false negative, ...

ergothus 9y ago
I wish i could give you more votes. Without race the equation says high if still small chance of something very bad happening vs guaranteed delay but large percentage decrease in odds of a very bad result. Add in unconscious bias (by race or culture) and the risk seems larger before even without explicitly racist thoughts. Experience what women do for as long as women do, and the odds rank much higher than they do to a man making that evaluation. I'm sure women sharing stories within their cohort for mutual awareness (odds that a woman has heard more horror stories about women in uber/lyft the a man has heard are higher) further alter the different cost/benefit results by gender, though that doesn't say their calculations are unrealistic, just different. I'm guessing many men make subconscious choices about what is "safer" (locking your door, deciding where to park, not flashing any wad of money you might have, etc.) but are baffled that women would do so for decisions where a man doesn't (I know I have been) which just highlights how our culture hasn't discussed the threats to/experiences of the various genders.

DrScump 9y ago

while throwing herself on me I see how someone who would write that could elicit discomfort in strangers.

ShabbosGoy 9y ago
That was poor phrasing on my part. I didn’t mean it in the figurative sense, i.e. “she was practically throwing herself at me”. I meant that in the literal sense; she was invading my personal space due to being inebriated.
- DrScump 9y ago
  You didn't mention her being inebriated, only (allegedly) fearful of you because of your apparent ethnicity. Generally, drunk people are not fearful.