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I grew up in poverty as well and my reaction to money is the total opposite. I never felt connected to it all. I want to be a good saver, but my understanding o
by dizzystar 9y ago
I grew up in poverty as well and my reaction to money is the total opposite. I never felt connected to it all. I want to be a good saver, but my understanding of the green stuff is nearly nil. It's just sort of there and I try not to think about it.
I think it's just the opposite problem. I simply don't know what to spend money on. I feel like I spend a lot of money, but somehow everyone is in deeper debt than I am. I just don't want to have all those expensive things. I grew up living out of a duffel bag and lost everything I owned in that multiple times in my life. I just don't want anything.
Buying furniture for the first time was the most stressful thing I ever went through. When I bought my first bed, I just laid on a bed in the shop and just stayed there having a mental breakdown. I walked out nearly in tears and slept on my floor for a full week before I finally called and ordered the bed. It was $700 and felt like I took a nose dive off a cliff.
The biggest effect is my appetite. No one understands why I'm so underweight. If you ever go a week without eating, believe me, your desire to eat food goes out the window. Those first bites of food makes you incredibly ill. I eat everyday now, but three meals is overkill.
- heurist 9y agoI buy things that become more valuable over time. Investing has become a fun way for me to "spend" that cash I otherwise hoard. Spending money on anything else is very difficult for me.
- norin 9y agoI spend most of my money on books. I rarely ever spend money on anything else. Living as a kid with my grandma had a huge impact on things I did in my later years. We were poor but always had access to books.
- hycaria 9y agoDon't you have access to libraries ?
- KozmoNau7 9y agoOne problem for me, living in Denmark, is that all the books at the library are in Danish. I prefer to read books in their original language, or at least in an English or German translation, which are usually markedly superior to the Danish translations. If I want a book in English, I either have to special order it at the library and wait for a week to get it, or I have to buy it myself.
- pnutjam 9y agoEbooks via irchighway.
- deleted 9y ago[deleted]
- heurist 9y agoI did that until I felt like I had collected enough books to last me a lifetime. Once in a while I'll still order one that has good information on a topic I am passionate about. I have eclectic tastes and libraries usually don't have the information I need (outside of a particular one in Santa Fe, far from where I live).
- RandomCSGeek 9y agoDuring my childhood, my father's most of the income went into repaying loans. Luckily, we had our own house, so we didn't need to worry about getting homeless. But I remember I rarely got to spend money on any kind of "luxury". By luxury, I mean simple stuff like a icecream cone or a baloon. The effect it had on me is quite wierd. On one hand, I always wish to earn more so as to not have to go through that phase again, while on the other hand, I never care about spending money. Even now that we have more money, I rarely spend on clothes, fancy food, gadgets or whatever that is not necessity. That phase of borderline poverty has made me frugal for life.
- dizzystar 9y agoYeah, I totally get this. I have no idea why people want stuff. I have one computer, one phone, one guitar, and so on. If I could own just one set of clothing, I'd be happy with that. It isn't frugality for me, it's just that I can't stand clutter and really, what I consider. I think I missed whatever the definition of having things means.
- pm90 9y agoI guess it depends on you knowing what you want. I wouldn't drop money on a spanking new car even though I can afford to and all my peers drive Audis or whatever, but I feel just OK with my over 100k Civic just because I like not having a loan on my head. I didn't get the latest iPhone (still on the 5s) because a beautiful new phone means nothing to me; I'm just fine with a less expensive, smaller and slower model. OTOH, If I see nice clothes or shoes I definitely do consider getting them if I don't have something similar already, or different enough from existing clothes to give a different look. I won't say no to a road trip, or a weekend trip with my gf/friends. Or to eating at a fancy restaurant occasionally.
- woliveirajr 9y ago:) and, to some extent, this is kind of funny, because where I live having a Civic is a sign that you do have a expensive car, and people treat it like "just more 10k bucks and you could be in an Audi".
- Viliam1234 9y agoWhen I walk in a shop, I just see many things that I do not need. Other people worry that they won't get enough vacation by ocean, the latest car model, or the most fashionable clothes... I just laugh at such suggestions. I have a roof above my head, as much food as I need, a computer and a fast internet connection -- what else would I really need? On the other hand, for a long time in my life, when I saved some money, I had absolutely no idea what to do with it. That was a kind of a problem no one around me had during my childhood. I wish I had found websites like "early retirement extreme" a few decades ago, because I was the kind of person who could quite simply achieve it. (Instead I lost the extra money taking bad investment advice from various "financial advisors".) Other people seem to have an irresistible urge to increase their expenses when their income increases; I don't feel this urge.
- Phronux 9y agoSomeone else could've said that having a roof over one's head, a computer and a fast internet connection are laughable suggestions - why would you care about them, when you can spend money on traveling around the world and the internet connection is usually all over the places for free? I actually worry about not having enough vacation, because experiencing other people's cultures and mindsets are the most important things to me. What else would I really need? To each his own. Some people care about looking good or commuting comfortably. Most people exaggerate these costs - that's another matter.
- hycaria 9y ago>I actually worry about not having enough vacation, because experiencing other people's cultures and mindsets are the most important things to me. What else would I really need? Ah yes, the infamous two weeks where for a huge GHG release, we can experience other cultures and come back home changed.
- Phronux 9y agoI'm actually from Poland where I've negotiated at least 6 weeks of paid vacation. When combined with some national holidays I usually end up with 2 months a year of paid vacations. Not counting weekends. I know my priorities and I've optimized my work/life balance for them.
- iT5rCb8x 9y agoMan, this is infuriating. Had this been happening in a welfare state such as in most European countries, your family would have kept a roof above their head thanks to proper public housing, and your parents would have received enough money to serve their kids 3 meals a days. Not saying that's living the life, but people in the US just don't understand that stories like yours do NOT have to happen.
- kaycebasques 9y agoI find that a little historical perspective opens me up to the fact that things were different not too long ago, and the current situation is the result of concrete political actions in the not-too-distant past, which implies that concrete political actions in the present could also change the course of things. The Community Health Act of 1963 was supposed to transfer mentally-ill patients from psychiatric hospitals to community-based centers, but "only half of the proposed centers were ever built; none were fully funded, and the act didn’t provide money to operate them long-term." https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Community_Mental_Health_Act https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Community_Mental_Health_Act During the 80s "HUD's budget authority was reduced from $74 billion to $19 billion. Such alleged changes is claimed to have resulted in an inadequate supply of affordable housing to meet the growing demand of low-income populations. In 1970 there were 300,000 more low-cost rental units (6.5 million) than low-income renter households (6.2 million). By 1985, the advocacy group claimed that the number of low-cost units had fallen to 5.6 million, and the number of low-income renter households had grown to 8.9 million, a disparity of 3.3 million units." https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Homelessness_in_the_United_States#1980s_and_1990s https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Homelessness_in_the_United_Sta...
- baby 9y agoWhy did you start with such an expensive bed? I've bought 5 beds so far in my life and I've never spent that much. I probably have spent 500$ (mattress+frame+comforter+...) for my last bed and that was the most expensive one I ever bought.
- lotsofpulp 9y agoMake friends with a hotel manager and have them order you a set of the tempur sealy or Simmons foundation (box spring) and mattress specific for hotels. It’s only $500 total (~$250 each), and come with a 10 year warranty (for the hotel). Don’t even need to flip or rotate them.
- etoir 9y agoThe GP said that he has severe emotional problems, related to childhood trauma around spending money and also broke down when buying the bed. Why are you criticizing his choice of bed? You are showing a lack of empathy to the poster's actual point, which isn't "Help me find a cheap bed". It feels like you're just looking for an opportunity to brag about how good at buying beds you are. Even if you're not, your response doesn't say anything about the article or add to the wider discussion in any way.
- kudokatz 9y agoI can relate to both mindsets. I stay more frugal despite not needing to, so $700 is a lot to me. But the vitriol of saying "thou shall" is what I dislike. The psychological trauma of fearing the spending of any money is real ... but I'd rather have a dose of it rather than none at all.
- ComputerGuru 9y agoThat’s your takeaway from the story (s)he shared?
- brookside 9y agoSo many of us are in debt, but I would definitely encourage you to think about re-shifting your own paradigm if it's comfortable to do so: If you would like entertaining reading to assist in your own building of a new mental model around money: https://www.mrmoneymustache.com/ https://www.mrmoneymustache.com/ (written by a programmer who retired early and is part of the "financial independence" movement/blogosphere)
- creep 9y agoI identify with this so much. I grew up a single child to a single mom. She did her best but there was never any "saving". She didn't have a savings account, she had nothing. So now that I'm older my first priority is saving money, which is why I'm in less debt in comparison to my peers I think. I spend a lot, but I do it in intervals, and my goal is to eventually learn how to invest. I think most people my age take to the importance of investing too much, and abstract away the savings because they think they will be investing in the future. I don't think about money at all either. I realize it's important, but it's importance has never consumed me. If I don't think about it, I actually spend less. If I think about it, I totally panic. I've saved money by not thinking about it. I also have trouble eating! I just buy a week's worth of food at a time, twice a month, so typically I have only two week's worth of food per month, and that results in about 2 meals per day-- small ones. Sometimes I don't eat at all because of my appetite issues. I just take multivitamins to supplement those days, as well as extra Vitamin D3 and Magnesium.