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Besides the obvious craziness of keeping track of these things... It's worth noting that some people are just completely shit at timeliness, no matter how impo

Besides the obvious craziness of keeping track of these things... It's worth noting that some people are just completely shit at timeliness, no matter how important the thing is. I am and so are my a lot of my friends "I'm running 30 minutes late!" often meets a "No worries, I might be an hour". A punctuality obsessed person would hate me.

barbs 9y ago
Here's a great article about people that are chronically late. https://waitbutwhy.com/2015/07/why-im-always-late.html https://waitbutwhy.com/2015/07/why-im-always-late.html
ryanwaggoner 9y ago
There may be some people who genuinely have trouble keeping track of time or planning ahead, but 99% of people who are habitually late (myself included at times) are just rude and inconsiderate. Come on, in your own example you provide a white lie to the person and tell them it'll be 30 mins, when you know that it could likely be longer. Why not just say you're running an hour late instead? I suffer from this myself, so don't feel like I'm picking on you, but I realized a long time ago that it's just me being dishonest with myself and others, and I should cut it out.
- bzbarsky 9y ago
  I think you misread the example. Person A says they will be 30 mins late. Person B responds they are running late too, probably by an hour, so person A doesn't need to worry about being a mere 30 minutes late.
  - ryanwaggoner 9y ago
    Ah, you're right! I did read it as "means", not "meets" :) Leaving it for a permanent record of my crankiness. Sigh, I may be getting old...
  - tytytytytytytyt 9y ago
    I doubt that changes much about what they said.
- Trav5 9y ago
  Humans are really bad at estimating time. So it may just be consistently bad time estimation born out of optimism. The solution is still to double the amount of time you expect things to take so that you're closer to the mark.
  - ryanwaggoner 9y ago
    Humans are really, really bad at lots of things, but we usually learn ways to compensate, particularly if it's important. Someone like myself who struggles with being late (due to optimism, exactly as you said) absolutely knows that they have this weakness, because it happens constantly and causes all manner of friction and problems. If you don't make any serious attempts to compensate and be better, you're just demonstrating that you don't care that much. Or maybe I'm just getting old and cranky.
    - brokenmachine 9y ago
      I don't need friends who don't respect my time. I'm old and cranky too.
    - Swizec 9y ago
      I’m always late to things because of optimism and I compensate by considering anything up to 10 minutes late as on time. My friends have learned to just assume I’ll be late. Does that count? What I think is worse than being late are thr monsters that show up on time to a party. Like wtf who does that.
      - MaulingMonkey 9y ago
        There are worse monsters. As someone who's learned to overcompensate for his optimism... I show up early !
        Proof 9y ago
        But it’s far more better to time everything just right so that one arrives at said meeting right on time, no later nor sooner. I think living in Finland has conditioned this type of attitude of not being too early(for fear of wasting time waiting) or too late (fear of being rude). One thing that helps significantly is to know travel times(by bus,car, etc) and allocate rough estimate to them. Luckily most Euro countries have good public transport to make planning ahead less stressful.
- emodendroket 9y ago
  I think it depends on the context. It's a bigger deal to be late to a lunch invitation with one other person than to show up late to a party.
  - groby_b 9y ago
    Sigh. I'm truly old. That's what etiquette is for, so you have a framework to know that context.
    - emodendroket 9y ago
      Well, alternatively, we can use our brains and think about questions like "if I am late to this event, will other people be waiting for me/disturbed?" to determine how serious a violation of etiquette it would be to be late.
      - groby_b 9y ago
        Works almost equally well. Etiquette is nothing but a way to codify the answers, a shared agreement on the rules. (I say "almost" because like any set of rules, it makes it harder to get judgment calls wrong.) I didn't mean to imply it's a magic cure-all, just that it's a pre-shared context that makes it easy to make those decisions.
- acjohnson55 9y ago
  I don't think "rude and inconsiderate" are the problem for most people. My wife, for example, is often late to social things. But she's also one of the most thoughtful people I know. In a lot of cases, her thoughtfulness is what makes her late, because we can't show up without a gift or something like that. That's just her situation, but I think there's generally something larger at play. Something more like people feeling the need to squeeze the most time out of whatever they're doing right now, even knowing in the back of their mind that they're stealing from the next thing. I think it takes a certain amount of unnatural discipline to think of the current thing and the next thing as time-equal.
  - JimboOmega 9y ago
    It's partially an executive function thing. The "back of my mind" just doesn't come to the "front of my mind" nearly as often as you'd think. Other random crap often does.
- JimboOmega 9y ago
  So yes, that's not what I was saying, but it's true I also suffer from RIDICULOUS time-optimism. When I say I'll be there in 30 minutes, that's what I honestly think. But I forget about the time to find my always-lost cell phone, the time to ride the elevator - basically everything except the actual time on the road/bus/etc... 30 minutes being that magical time every light was green and everything went perfectly, etc. This impacts all areas of my life. It's a reason I'm reluctant to carpool or take caltrain, heck, I'm always late to my Therapist... and I pay a lot for that. Point is that I really try to avoid things where I have to be EXACTLY ON TIME. For instance, if I'm going to a theater show, I'll plan to meet my friends for dinner beforehand. I might not be able to eat (they will), but at least I'll make the show on time. Incidentally "I'll plan to be 30 minutes early, so I won't stress the entire time"... doesn't work somehow.
- icebraining 9y ago
  Come on, in your own example you provide a white lie to the person and tell them it'll be 30 mins, when you know that it could likely be longer. This is funny to read in a forum of software developers :)
isoskeles 9y ago
Sure, a "punctuality obsessed" person would hate you. But normal people might also hate you.
odammit 9y ago
“Punctuality obsessed” or person that takes the effort to make time to hang out with a friend, offered them the respect of showing up on time just to have their time wasted by you not showing up on time. If you do it all the time, you’re inconsiderate.
- Aramgutang 9y ago
  Have you considered that we may be incapable, rather than inconsiderate? Especially if it's "all the time"? Do you think that those of us without adequate executive function are on time for things we deem truly important? If you do, then you might want to challenge that notion, and see if that affects your viewpoint.
  - shaklee3 9y ago
    Do you miss a lot of flights?
    - Aramgutang 9y ago
      Yes. I'll quote what I wrote in a reply further below: > I've missed at least 8 flights in the past decade, have seen only the last 80-90% of many of the films I watched in the cinema, have had to stand in the back for the first act of many stage productions, etc. Seeing me walk, rather than run, through train stations and airports is a rare sight. I don't recall a single multi-day bushwalk I've been on, where I pitched my tent before sunset, or even within 2 hours after it.
      - icebraining 9y ago
        I feel your pain. A close relative has the same problem; she's only getting somewhat better now at 55+ years old. She's one of the most selfless people I know; she simply has a real problem managing her time. And that inability harms herself way more than others.
  - odammit 9y ago
    You should get a modern phone with a calendar and alerts.
graylights 9y ago
As someone who regularly is late, I disagree. It's all a matter of consequences. I'm never late for a flight because I know it will cost me money. But I run late to work often because I know it the worse I'll get is some jokes. Unless I miss an important meeting, and then I make effort to be on time for. Fashionably late only makes sense if the others can continue without you. * 2 hours late to happy hour? glad you can make it, get a drink. (But don't expect me to stay another 2 hours) * An hour late for D&D game? I guess we can start now. grumble-grumble wasted an hour of everyone elses time. * 15 minutes late to carpool? You better have a good reason.
- keithnoizu 9y ago
  I've managed to be late for a flight more than once. You have to commit to the absent mindedness.
- amygdyl 9y ago
  It's far beyond that, when it comes to navigating social interactions, once you let things decline, though. I had a rotten time on my early thirties. For various reasons I was undergoing a major shakeup of my self perception. My confidence didn't erode, it just imagined that it was running in thin air, Will E. Coyote style, looked down at the impressively abyssal canyon which definitely wasn't below my feet, and obeyed cartoon gravity. (The kind that shows the emptiness stretching forever below, but somehow dashes you against every promontory and boulder on your way down.) So I was late for the pre movie drink and greeting my friends new partners, and somehow I couldn't understand why I was slowing down, despite I was certain that I maintained my walking speed. V
- carlmr 9y ago
  > I'm never late for a flight because I know it will cost me money. You might plan a 2-3 hour buffer and only arrive 1-2h before the flight. You're still late. A 2-3h buffer is just not feasible for everything as the day only has 24h. It's very simple, if somebody is 1h late to the D&D game you start without them. I'm not sure about the game dynamics, but they can probably enter your storyline after 1h if you're creative.
arvinsim 9y ago
So much this. I had a lot of resentment built up because of these and realized that some people are just that way.
osrec 9y ago
Lateness in my case is a consequence of trying to get as much out of my time as possible. I generally find that most of the people I interact with are equally afflicted by this, so also have a tendency to be late and are fairly understanding (within reasonable limits). On the flip side, I find that people that are always there on the dot tend not to have very much going on in their lives. Their timelines defines their personality more than what they do!
- deleted 9y ago
  [deleted]
- jiggunjer 9y ago
  Do you cram in those extra small tasks knowing you will be late? Or do you still think you can make it, but it turns out you just failed to plan properly? The former is rude, while the latter is 'merely' inconsiderate.
- theonething 9y ago
  > I find that people that are always there on the dot tend not to have very much going on in their lives Counter anecdote. I strive to be on time especially when I know being late will waste the other person's time because I want to be respectful of their time. Many times I've sacrificed my own productivity to be on time. Also, for me, it's a matter of integrity. If I tell someone I'm going to be there at a certain time, I've given them my word. Barring extenuating circumstances (e.g. car accident) I do my best to do what I said I would do.
- manigandham 9y ago
  The people that have the most going on in their lives tend to be punctual, because being really productive requires good time management in the first place.
groby_b 9y ago
If you are running 30 minutes late, you are saying that whatever you did in those 30 minutes is significantly more important than the fact that the other person loses 30 minutes. Occasionally, that is true. Most often, it is simply a sign that you disrespect the other person. It's not about being "obsessed with punctuality", it's about realizing that the other person has a schedule that you are impacting as well. And then choosing to not give a damn, in the case of perpetual lateness.
- JimboOmega 9y ago
  It's very possible to have every intent and desire to be on time, and still fail at it. Some people have problem with things like attention and executive function that make planning in time very difficult. For you it might be an issue of not caring. IT's not for everyone.
  - shaklee3 9y ago
    It's really not that hard unless you have kids. Just leave earlier. Like someone said, you wouldn't be late for a flight since you actually care.
    - nitrogen 9y ago
      There's a question of cost. Maybe you can be on time for a flight once in a while, but it costs you so much X (time, mental energy, money, whatever) that the same strategies would not help in day-to-day schedules. Ask someone with DSPS, for example.
    - icebraining 9y ago
      You haven't met really time-impaired people if you don't think they'd miss flights and many other things they "actually care".
    - LaGrange 9y ago
      You completely misunderstand how executive functioning deficiency works, it appears. While this was written by a person with chronic pain issues (you might not be aware of!), it applies to many other (often also invisible) disabilities: https://butyoudontlooksick.com/articles/written-by-christine/the-spoon-theory/ https://butyoudontlooksick.com/articles/written-by-christine.... "Just leave earlier" is about as useful an advice as "grow a new hand."
BurningFrog 9y ago
Some people flake on their friends, but are always on time for flights. They are perfectly capable of being on time for important things. It's just that their friends aren't important to them.
- trts 9y ago
  Friends are important in a different way, but one of the qualities they don't often share with flights is that they get you somewhere where it's important you'll be at a specific time and place in pursuit of your material needs or obligations. Or rather you're not expecting something out of them other than their company, which you still get to enjoy later (if you're really friends, and if not, then you're just not). It's good that friends aren't like that. I'm happy to acknowledge that someone may have a family or other circumstance that is more pressing than a ruminative chat, and not count it against them. And I expect they will give me the same consideration. The score doesn't get kept the same way.
  - maccard 9y ago
    If someone is always 30 minutes late and there’s always an excuse that it’s not their fault, the they’re the problem. Everyone has problems. If you tell me “hey I’m running 30 minutes late, because I had to take a shower” the odd time (in advance) that’s totally fine. But to leave me sitting on my own (when I could have plans with someone else later, or could have stopped whatever I was doing before to be on time to meet you) is just selfish and inconsiderate. If you can’t show up at 5, don’t say you’ll be there at 5, say you’ll be there at 7 so at least I can use the time too.
    - JimboOmega 9y ago
      My friends (one in particular) and I basically don't make plans where one person is going to be sitting around on their own. For instance, we plan to meet up at somebody's house first (they obviously are going to be there, even if they're still getting ready). Or cases we both exchange texts and actually leave only when we are both ready to go. The trick is to take all the variables and planning (and potential for bad planning) out of the equation. Everyone is happier that way.
erik_landerholm 9y ago
Yup
Razengan 9y ago
> Besides the obvious craziness of keeping track of these things... It's not necessarily an actual scorecard or anything like that, but more like a subconscious intolerance for bullshit that you don't HAVE to put with anymore. If I meet someone that doesn't bring any positivity, and worse, requires me to put an effort into finding them companionable (e.g. trying to discover their good qualities), I decide I'm too old for that shit and have other things to worry about.

barbs 9y ago

Here's a great article about people that are chronically late. https://waitbutwhy.com/2015/07/why-im-always-late.html https://waitbutwhy.com/2015/07/why-im-always-late.html

ryanwaggoner 9y ago

There may be some people who genuinely have trouble keeping track of time or planning ahead, but 99% of people who are habitually late (myself included at times) are just rude and inconsiderate. Come on, in your own example you provide a white lie to the person and tell them it'll be 30 mins, when you know that it could likely be longer. Why not just say you're running an hour late instead? I suffer from this myself, so don't feel like I'm picking on you, but I realized a long time ago that it's just me being dishonest with myself and others, and I should cut it out.

bzbarsky 9y ago
I think you misread the example. Person A says they will be 30 mins late. Person B responds they are running late too, probably by an hour, so person A doesn't need to worry about being a mere 30 minutes late.
- ryanwaggoner 9y ago
  Ah, you're right! I did read it as "means", not "meets" :) Leaving it for a permanent record of my crankiness. Sigh, I may be getting old...
- tytytytytytytyt 9y ago
  I doubt that changes much about what they said.
Trav5 9y ago
Humans are really bad at estimating time. So it may just be consistently bad time estimation born out of optimism. The solution is still to double the amount of time you expect things to take so that you're closer to the mark.
- ryanwaggoner 9y ago
  Humans are really, really bad at lots of things, but we usually learn ways to compensate, particularly if it's important. Someone like myself who struggles with being late (due to optimism, exactly as you said) absolutely knows that they have this weakness, because it happens constantly and causes all manner of friction and problems. If you don't make any serious attempts to compensate and be better, you're just demonstrating that you don't care that much. Or maybe I'm just getting old and cranky.
  - brokenmachine 9y ago
    I don't need friends who don't respect my time. I'm old and cranky too.
  - Swizec 9y ago
    I’m always late to things because of optimism and I compensate by considering anything up to 10 minutes late as on time. My friends have learned to just assume I’ll be late. Does that count? What I think is worse than being late are thr monsters that show up on time to a party. Like wtf who does that.
    - MaulingMonkey 9y ago
      There are worse monsters. As someone who's learned to overcompensate for his optimism... I show up early !
      - Proof 9y ago
        But it’s far more better to time everything just right so that one arrives at said meeting right on time, no later nor sooner. I think living in Finland has conditioned this type of attitude of not being too early(for fear of wasting time waiting) or too late (fear of being rude). One thing that helps significantly is to know travel times(by bus,car, etc) and allocate rough estimate to them. Luckily most Euro countries have good public transport to make planning ahead less stressful.
emodendroket 9y ago
I think it depends on the context. It's a bigger deal to be late to a lunch invitation with one other person than to show up late to a party.
- groby_b 9y ago
  Sigh. I'm truly old. That's what etiquette is for, so you have a framework to know that context.
  - emodendroket 9y ago
    Well, alternatively, we can use our brains and think about questions like "if I am late to this event, will other people be waiting for me/disturbed?" to determine how serious a violation of etiquette it would be to be late.
    - groby_b 9y ago
      Works almost equally well. Etiquette is nothing but a way to codify the answers, a shared agreement on the rules. (I say "almost" because like any set of rules, it makes it harder to get judgment calls wrong.) I didn't mean to imply it's a magic cure-all, just that it's a pre-shared context that makes it easy to make those decisions.
acjohnson55 9y ago
I don't think "rude and inconsiderate" are the problem for most people. My wife, for example, is often late to social things. But she's also one of the most thoughtful people I know. In a lot of cases, her thoughtfulness is what makes her late, because we can't show up without a gift or something like that. That's just her situation, but I think there's generally something larger at play. Something more like people feeling the need to squeeze the most time out of whatever they're doing right now, even knowing in the back of their mind that they're stealing from the next thing. I think it takes a certain amount of unnatural discipline to think of the current thing and the next thing as time-equal.
- JimboOmega 9y ago
  It's partially an executive function thing. The "back of my mind" just doesn't come to the "front of my mind" nearly as often as you'd think. Other random crap often does.
JimboOmega 9y ago
So yes, that's not what I was saying, but it's true I also suffer from RIDICULOUS time-optimism. When I say I'll be there in 30 minutes, that's what I honestly think. But I forget about the time to find my always-lost cell phone, the time to ride the elevator - basically everything except the actual time on the road/bus/etc... 30 minutes being that magical time every light was green and everything went perfectly, etc. This impacts all areas of my life. It's a reason I'm reluctant to carpool or take caltrain, heck, I'm always late to my Therapist... and I pay a lot for that. Point is that I really try to avoid things where I have to be EXACTLY ON TIME. For instance, if I'm going to a theater show, I'll plan to meet my friends for dinner beforehand. I might not be able to eat (they will), but at least I'll make the show on time. Incidentally "I'll plan to be 30 minutes early, so I won't stress the entire time"... doesn't work somehow.
icebraining 9y ago
Come on, in your own example you provide a white lie to the person and tell them it'll be 30 mins, when you know that it could likely be longer. This is funny to read in a forum of software developers :)

isoskeles 9y ago

Sure, a "punctuality obsessed" person would hate you. But normal people might also hate you.

odammit 9y ago

“Punctuality obsessed” or person that takes the effort to make time to hang out with a friend, offered them the respect of showing up on time just to have their time wasted by you not showing up on time. If you do it all the time, you’re inconsiderate.

Aramgutang 9y ago
Have you considered that we may be incapable, rather than inconsiderate? Especially if it's "all the time"? Do you think that those of us without adequate executive function are on time for things we deem truly important? If you do, then you might want to challenge that notion, and see if that affects your viewpoint.
- shaklee3 9y ago
  Do you miss a lot of flights?
  - Aramgutang 9y ago
    Yes. I'll quote what I wrote in a reply further below: > I've missed at least 8 flights in the past decade, have seen only the last 80-90% of many of the films I watched in the cinema, have had to stand in the back for the first act of many stage productions, etc. Seeing me walk, rather than run, through train stations and airports is a rare sight. I don't recall a single multi-day bushwalk I've been on, where I pitched my tent before sunset, or even within 2 hours after it.
    - icebraining 9y ago
      I feel your pain. A close relative has the same problem; she's only getting somewhat better now at 55+ years old. She's one of the most selfless people I know; she simply has a real problem managing her time. And that inability harms herself way more than others.
- odammit 9y ago
  You should get a modern phone with a calendar and alerts.

graylights 9y ago

As someone who regularly is late, I disagree. It's all a matter of consequences. I'm never late for a flight because I know it will cost me money. But I run late to work often because I know it the worse I'll get is some jokes. Unless I miss an important meeting, and then I make effort to be on time for. Fashionably late only makes sense if the others can continue without you. * 2 hours late to happy hour? glad you can make it, get a drink. (But don't expect me to stay another 2 hours) * An hour late for D&D game? I guess we can start now. grumble-grumble wasted an hour of everyone elses time. * 15 minutes late to carpool? You better have a good reason.

keithnoizu 9y ago
I've managed to be late for a flight more than once. You have to commit to the absent mindedness.
amygdyl 9y ago
It's far beyond that, when it comes to navigating social interactions, once you let things decline, though. I had a rotten time on my early thirties. For various reasons I was undergoing a major shakeup of my self perception. My confidence didn't erode, it just imagined that it was running in thin air, Will E. Coyote style, looked down at the impressively abyssal canyon which definitely wasn't below my feet, and obeyed cartoon gravity. (The kind that shows the emptiness stretching forever below, but somehow dashes you against every promontory and boulder on your way down.) So I was late for the pre movie drink and greeting my friends new partners, and somehow I couldn't understand why I was slowing down, despite I was certain that I maintained my walking speed. V
carlmr 9y ago
> I'm never late for a flight because I know it will cost me money. You might plan a 2-3 hour buffer and only arrive 1-2h before the flight. You're still late. A 2-3h buffer is just not feasible for everything as the day only has 24h. It's very simple, if somebody is 1h late to the D&D game you start without them. I'm not sure about the game dynamics, but they can probably enter your storyline after 1h if you're creative.

arvinsim 9y ago

So much this. I had a lot of resentment built up because of these and realized that some people are just that way.

osrec 9y ago

Lateness in my case is a consequence of trying to get as much out of my time as possible. I generally find that most of the people I interact with are equally afflicted by this, so also have a tendency to be late and are fairly understanding (within reasonable limits). On the flip side, I find that people that are always there on the dot tend not to have very much going on in their lives. Their timelines defines their personality more than what they do!

deleted 9y ago
[deleted]
jiggunjer 9y ago
Do you cram in those extra small tasks knowing you will be late? Or do you still think you can make it, but it turns out you just failed to plan properly? The former is rude, while the latter is 'merely' inconsiderate.
theonething 9y ago
> I find that people that are always there on the dot tend not to have very much going on in their lives Counter anecdote. I strive to be on time especially when I know being late will waste the other person's time because I want to be respectful of their time. Many times I've sacrificed my own productivity to be on time. Also, for me, it's a matter of integrity. If I tell someone I'm going to be there at a certain time, I've given them my word. Barring extenuating circumstances (e.g. car accident) I do my best to do what I said I would do.
manigandham 9y ago
The people that have the most going on in their lives tend to be punctual, because being really productive requires good time management in the first place.

groby_b 9y ago

If you are running 30 minutes late, you are saying that whatever you did in those 30 minutes is significantly more important than the fact that the other person loses 30 minutes. Occasionally, that is true. Most often, it is simply a sign that you disrespect the other person. It's not about being "obsessed with punctuality", it's about realizing that the other person has a schedule that you are impacting as well. And then choosing to not give a damn, in the case of perpetual lateness.

JimboOmega 9y ago
It's very possible to have every intent and desire to be on time, and still fail at it. Some people have problem with things like attention and executive function that make planning in time very difficult. For you it might be an issue of not caring. IT's not for everyone.
- shaklee3 9y ago
  It's really not that hard unless you have kids. Just leave earlier. Like someone said, you wouldn't be late for a flight since you actually care.
  - nitrogen 9y ago
    There's a question of cost. Maybe you can be on time for a flight once in a while, but it costs you so much X (time, mental energy, money, whatever) that the same strategies would not help in day-to-day schedules. Ask someone with DSPS, for example.
  - icebraining 9y ago
    You haven't met really time-impaired people if you don't think they'd miss flights and many other things they "actually care".
  - LaGrange 9y ago
    You completely misunderstand how executive functioning deficiency works, it appears. While this was written by a person with chronic pain issues (you might not be aware of!), it applies to many other (often also invisible) disabilities: https://butyoudontlooksick.com/articles/written-by-christine/the-spoon-theory/ https://butyoudontlooksick.com/articles/written-by-christine.... "Just leave earlier" is about as useful an advice as "grow a new hand."

BurningFrog 9y ago

Some people flake on their friends, but are always on time for flights. They are perfectly capable of being on time for important things. It's just that their friends aren't important to them.

trts 9y ago
Friends are important in a different way, but one of the qualities they don't often share with flights is that they get you somewhere where it's important you'll be at a specific time and place in pursuit of your material needs or obligations. Or rather you're not expecting something out of them other than their company, which you still get to enjoy later (if you're really friends, and if not, then you're just not). It's good that friends aren't like that. I'm happy to acknowledge that someone may have a family or other circumstance that is more pressing than a ruminative chat, and not count it against them. And I expect they will give me the same consideration. The score doesn't get kept the same way.
- maccard 9y ago
  If someone is always 30 minutes late and there’s always an excuse that it’s not their fault, the they’re the problem. Everyone has problems. If you tell me “hey I’m running 30 minutes late, because I had to take a shower” the odd time (in advance) that’s totally fine. But to leave me sitting on my own (when I could have plans with someone else later, or could have stopped whatever I was doing before to be on time to meet you) is just selfish and inconsiderate. If you can’t show up at 5, don’t say you’ll be there at 5, say you’ll be there at 7 so at least I can use the time too.
  - JimboOmega 9y ago
    My friends (one in particular) and I basically don't make plans where one person is going to be sitting around on their own. For instance, we plan to meet up at somebody's house first (they obviously are going to be there, even if they're still getting ready). Or cases we both exchange texts and actually leave only when we are both ready to go. The trick is to take all the variables and planning (and potential for bad planning) out of the equation. Everyone is happier that way.

erik_landerholm 9y ago

Yup

Razengan 9y ago

> Besides the obvious craziness of keeping track of these things... It's not necessarily an actual scorecard or anything like that, but more like a subconscious intolerance for bullshit that you don't HAVE to put with anymore. If I meet someone that doesn't bring any positivity, and worse, requires me to put an effort into finding them companionable (e.g. trying to discover their good qualities), I decide I'm too old for that shit and have other things to worry about.