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I've been amazed at how unfriendly neighbours are in the same building with multiple rented apartments. Literally the only interactions I've had with neighbours

I've been amazed at how unfriendly neighbours are in the same building with multiple rented apartments. Literally the only interactions I've had with neighbours over the last 3 years is when they finally overcome their disinclination to interact to come, furious, to the door to ask that some music or TV program be turned down. I always smile and say hello to the people living in the same building, and at least 70% of the time that is met with looking in the other direction. (East Bay, San Francisco Bay Area).

jacob019 9y ago
Weird, here in Indianapolis it can be rude not to say hello to neighbors & strangers and acknowledgment is about 100%. Still can't wait to leave though.
malvosenior 9y ago
I think the idea is that people don't always want personal connections with other people they're going to be forced to see on a regular basis (and live next to). Your anecdote about neighbors angrily banging on your door to tell you to turn down the tv is an example of that. If they were your friends they may have been socially obligated to either suffer through the noise or come over and hang out. After a long day of work you may feel like neither of those things. It's sort of similar to why a lot of people don't like dating co-workers. If it goes south, you'll still have to see and work with this person every day. A lot of people would probably prefer to compartmentalize those they live next to and those they hang out with.
- Myrmornis 9y ago
  It's just odd to me as I grew up on a street (privately owned houses) in which everyone knew everyone else and many pairs of house owners would be on terms which would involve random conversations in the street, helping out when people are away (pets, plants, burglary precautions), maybe even dinner invitations and babysitting. And yet these people also saw each other every day, indeed since they were house owners, they were much more shackled together than people in rented accomodation. So it doesn't seem like it's the shackled-together aspect that causes the unfriendliness. On the contrary, a model which fits better is that people are inherently antisocial and unfriendly, and find that with rented accommodation they can get away with it.
  - malvosenior 9y ago
    > On the contrary, a model which fits better is that people are inherently antisocial and unfriendly, and find that with rented accommodation they can get away with it. I think you’re right. The homeowners are probably aware that they’re locked into their neighbors for a very long time so building relationships makes more sense than the more transient renters.
  - ryandrake 9y ago
    Different era. I grew up in a similar environment: everyone on my street was as white as me, had simular socioeconomic backgrounds and interests, and like my family lived there forever. Much easier to bond with and know your neighbors. Contrast with today: Until a recent move to the suburbs, I have had very little in common with my any of my neighbors except for the fact that we are all seemingly perpetually transient. I still don’t have much in common with my current neighbors but living here for a whopping 3 years straight has given me the chance to reach out and get to know them.
    - Myrmornis 9y ago
      > Different era. Yes, that's my concern too.
pwaai 9y ago
I noticed this behavior as well here in vancouver. It's like an unwritten rule that you need to not interact with your apartment neighbors. I always suspected being house poor has to do something with it. One time I overheard a neighbor who was complaining on the phone about how debt ridden she was. I guess when you are barely scraping you don't have any emotional space to acknowledge people. I suspect it's worse for senior citizens as well...
- nugi 9y ago
  I found it is a middle class thing. Most poor areas i lived in, neighbors banded together. Similar with the affluent crowd. The middle are usually more busy and stressed and take their stress out on those around them. Family, coworkers, neighbors. Its just my experince, but there it is.

jacob019 9y ago

Weird, here in Indianapolis it can be rude not to say hello to neighbors & strangers and acknowledgment is about 100%. Still can't wait to leave though.

malvosenior 9y ago

I think the idea is that people don't always want personal connections with other people they're going to be forced to see on a regular basis (and live next to). Your anecdote about neighbors angrily banging on your door to tell you to turn down the tv is an example of that. If they were your friends they may have been socially obligated to either suffer through the noise or come over and hang out. After a long day of work you may feel like neither of those things. It's sort of similar to why a lot of people don't like dating co-workers. If it goes south, you'll still have to see and work with this person every day. A lot of people would probably prefer to compartmentalize those they live next to and those they hang out with.

Myrmornis 9y ago
It's just odd to me as I grew up on a street (privately owned houses) in which everyone knew everyone else and many pairs of house owners would be on terms which would involve random conversations in the street, helping out when people are away (pets, plants, burglary precautions), maybe even dinner invitations and babysitting. And yet these people also saw each other every day, indeed since they were house owners, they were much more shackled together than people in rented accomodation. So it doesn't seem like it's the shackled-together aspect that causes the unfriendliness. On the contrary, a model which fits better is that people are inherently antisocial and unfriendly, and find that with rented accommodation they can get away with it.
- malvosenior 9y ago
  > On the contrary, a model which fits better is that people are inherently antisocial and unfriendly, and find that with rented accommodation they can get away with it. I think you’re right. The homeowners are probably aware that they’re locked into their neighbors for a very long time so building relationships makes more sense than the more transient renters.
- ryandrake 9y ago
  Different era. I grew up in a similar environment: everyone on my street was as white as me, had simular socioeconomic backgrounds and interests, and like my family lived there forever. Much easier to bond with and know your neighbors. Contrast with today: Until a recent move to the suburbs, I have had very little in common with my any of my neighbors except for the fact that we are all seemingly perpetually transient. I still don’t have much in common with my current neighbors but living here for a whopping 3 years straight has given me the chance to reach out and get to know them.
  - Myrmornis 9y ago
    > Different era. Yes, that's my concern too.

pwaai 9y ago

I noticed this behavior as well here in vancouver. It's like an unwritten rule that you need to not interact with your apartment neighbors. I always suspected being house poor has to do something with it. One time I overheard a neighbor who was complaining on the phone about how debt ridden she was. I guess when you are barely scraping you don't have any emotional space to acknowledge people. I suspect it's worse for senior citizens as well...

nugi 9y ago
I found it is a middle class thing. Most poor areas i lived in, neighbors banded together. Similar with the affluent crowd. The middle are usually more busy and stressed and take their stress out on those around them. Family, coworkers, neighbors. Its just my experince, but there it is.