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Sorry if I made you feel bad. I just feel very uncomfortable with the massive invasion of privacy and submission of all the OP's details to the police (which is

Sorry if I made you feel bad. I just feel very uncomfortable with the massive invasion of privacy and submission of all the OP's details to the police (which is a record that can hurt him later) and I don't know how to personally reconcile that with his being ok with the outcome. I fully admit I view this through my own clouded lens. I can understand how someone outside would think it's the "right" thing to do but I have seen it cause harm many times as well and selfishly perhaps fear it doing so in my case as well. Some people intervene out of pure goodwill, some do so to feel special or good and it's entirely about them, some do to cause strife. Sometimes the result is positive, although I would argue in the OP's case if a "scare" is all it took his situation wasn't that dire. Again perhaps that's too myopic and self centered since mine and many others I see are in dire states, and I am judging or jealous or someone who could "fix" things. I am truly glad for him and anyone else who can survive. I just can't help but twitch at the worry of sinking more. I wouldn't want someone to NOT help if they felt they could, but too often that help is running right to "authority" which is not as helpful as imagined and so often makes things worse. I wish people would take more time to be human and approach the human rather than say "I called 911/112 whatever and did my part". I have shared intimate details with people only to be betrayed so often I fear this at every turn. I don't know what to do or think about it anymore. Regarding suicidal thoughts, they ARE normal for many people and perfectly rational given their conditions and length of suffering. It's not an attitude problem or something therapy or pills can fix. Sometimes those things can help COPE temporarily but it's not a fix of the root cause. I know it's hard to understand that if you have never been there and there was a time I would swear I could NEVER think that was valid but experiences changes you. In my view nobody wants to die, even when they claim so, they just want the pain to end and can't find a way here in life...sometimes because there simply IS no way...others because they can't get the real and tangible help they need.

tevlon 9y ago
I agree. It is very unsettling to hear that a stranger "stalked the st out of you" and i would prefer direct help. > Regarding suicidal thoughts, they ARE normal for many people and perfectly rational given their conditions and length of suffering. It's not an attitude problem or something therapy or pills can fix. Sometimes those things can help COPE temporarily but it's not a fix of the root cause. I know it's hard to understand that if you have never been there and there was a time I would swear I could NEVER think that was valid but experiences changes you. In my view nobody wants to die, even when they claim so, they just want the pain to end and can't find a way here in life...sometimes because there simply IS no way...others because they can't get the real and tangible help they need. i agree alot. I had a hard time in my 20's. My parents live in another country. I was living in this "new" city on my own with problems i couldn't handle. I was always on the brink of being homeless. I didn't want to take counseling mainly because they wouldn't fix the root of my problems: No income, but a lot of debts. What if i took 3 Months of therapy? I would still have my debts. It is important to find the root cause and tackle it directly. Don't get me wrong: Therapy can help alot. But the therapist is not going to get a job for you. I had to do it on my own. It was even hard to get out of bed for me. But i did. Because of the wake up call. We live in a society where 90% of the people have to work for their status. If you don't work, you don't have money. I don't like the idea of "making a living". Living should be a human right. But the reality is: it isn't. You have to work in order to have a place to sleep or get food. Living on Food stamps only keeps you alive. You are not part of society. In hindsight, i did miserable comparing to all my friends (most of them PhD students). But i am a huge success comparing to the vast majority of people who are living in 3rd world countries. Back then i had forgotten how lucky i am to be born in a rich country. Today i still live a simple life, cause i use every extra penny to pay my debts, but i am grateful for what i have! And one day, i can have a vacation. Something i didn't have in 8years.
- hestipod 9y ago
  I wish you all the luck and hope I didn't belittle your situation. I am glad you had the opportunity to turn it around. I am also envious and was surely reacting partially because of that and the frustration of my own life. I have had close friends who were able to dig out of various kinds of holes and the universal truth was they had access to various options...social systems, family, were physically healthy and had the option to change environments etc. Not everyone has the same available paths to recover and I often, maybe unfairly, get frustrated with people imagining it's like that and if "that guy can do it so can you so why aren't you doing it?" and they just refuse to see the confirmation bias. I don't think there is anything wrong with giving therapy a try if one is depressed or has other issues. My problem is people seem to focus on that and pills rather than the underlying issue...whether that be physical illness, money troubles, no support network whatever. When someone is suicidal people react with this idea the fix is psychiatric care. I disagree with that entirely for the majority of cases. If the boat has a huge hole in it you need to plug the hole before you can effectively bail and dry things out...otherwise it's a losing battle and all the positive attitude, introspection, and coping skills in the world won't keep you above water and you are just avoiding reality while drowning. Some people get through it to the end like that...I have not been able to. I am frustrated mostly because I know I could at least live out life if the conditions were right. I will never be truly happy or have my dreams fulfilled because my physical health is permanently damaged, but I COULD realistically survive and not feel this terrible if I could only access the conditions that are just on the other side of an ideological, political wall so close I can see them. So it goes for countless people...lest I sound like it's all about me.
  - ma2rten 9y ago
    I don't know exactly what your situation is and I don't want to make assumptions. I understand you lost your job, because of your long-term illness and you feel like you can't have your dreams fulfilled. I can imagine how hopeless and depressed that must make you feel. However, I don't think it's true that someone who's physical health is permanently damaged can't be truly be happy. Sometimes the underlying issues can't be fixed easily, but what can be fixed is our attitude towards them.
  - 9y ago

tevlon 9y ago

I agree. It is very unsettling to hear that a stranger "stalked the st out of you" and i would prefer direct help. > Regarding suicidal thoughts, they ARE normal for many people and perfectly rational given their conditions and length of suffering. It's not an attitude problem or something therapy or pills can fix. Sometimes those things can help COPE temporarily but it's not a fix of the root cause. I know it's hard to understand that if you have never been there and there was a time I would swear I could NEVER think that was valid but experiences changes you. In my view nobody wants to die, even when they claim so, they just want the pain to end and can't find a way here in life...sometimes because there simply IS no way...others because they can't get the real and tangible help they need. i agree alot. I had a hard time in my 20's. My parents live in another country. I was living in this "new" city on my own with problems i couldn't handle. I was always on the brink of being homeless. I didn't want to take counseling mainly because they wouldn't fix the root of my problems: No income, but a lot of debts. What if i took 3 Months of therapy? I would still have my debts. It is important to find the root cause and tackle it directly. Don't get me wrong: Therapy can help alot. But the therapist is not going to get a job for you. I had to do it on my own. It was even hard to get out of bed for me. But i did. Because of the wake up call. We live in a society where 90% of the people have to work for their status. If you don't work, you don't have money. I don't like the idea of "making a living". Living should be a human right. But the reality is: it isn't. You have to work in order to have a place to sleep or get food. Living on Food stamps only keeps you alive. You are not part of society. In hindsight, i did miserable comparing to all my friends (most of them PhD students). But i am a huge success comparing to the vast majority of people who are living in 3rd world countries. Back then i had forgotten how lucky i am to be born in a rich country. Today i still live a simple life, cause i use every extra penny to pay my debts, but i am grateful for what i have! And one day, i can have a vacation. Something i didn't have in 8years.

hestipod 9y ago
I wish you all the luck and hope I didn't belittle your situation. I am glad you had the opportunity to turn it around. I am also envious and was surely reacting partially because of that and the frustration of my own life. I have had close friends who were able to dig out of various kinds of holes and the universal truth was they had access to various options...social systems, family, were physically healthy and had the option to change environments etc. Not everyone has the same available paths to recover and I often, maybe unfairly, get frustrated with people imagining it's like that and if "that guy can do it so can you so why aren't you doing it?" and they just refuse to see the confirmation bias. I don't think there is anything wrong with giving therapy a try if one is depressed or has other issues. My problem is people seem to focus on that and pills rather than the underlying issue...whether that be physical illness, money troubles, no support network whatever. When someone is suicidal people react with this idea the fix is psychiatric care. I disagree with that entirely for the majority of cases. If the boat has a huge hole in it you need to plug the hole before you can effectively bail and dry things out...otherwise it's a losing battle and all the positive attitude, introspection, and coping skills in the world won't keep you above water and you are just avoiding reality while drowning. Some people get through it to the end like that...I have not been able to. I am frustrated mostly because I know I could at least live out life if the conditions were right. I will never be truly happy or have my dreams fulfilled because my physical health is permanently damaged, but I COULD realistically survive and not feel this terrible if I could only access the conditions that are just on the other side of an ideological, political wall so close I can see them. So it goes for countless people...lest I sound like it's all about me.
- ma2rten 9y ago
  I don't know exactly what your situation is and I don't want to make assumptions. I understand you lost your job, because of your long-term illness and you feel like you can't have your dreams fulfilled. I can imagine how hopeless and depressed that must make you feel. However, I don't think it's true that someone who's physical health is permanently damaged can't be truly be happy. Sometimes the underlying issues can't be fixed easily, but what can be fixed is our attitude towards them.
- 9y ago