5 ms·

1,5 years ago, i was suicidal (https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=13051611 https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=13051611). 1 week after posting this. I got a

by tevlon 9y ago

1,5 years ago, i was suicidal (https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=13051611 https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=13051611). 1 week after posting this. I got a visit from the police. Apparently, someone gave them the ip and it took them a week to locate me. They wanted to take me to the hospital to check if i had mental problems. Of course they couldn't force me to go. I assured them that i would fix my problems and make a therapy. It was a wakeup call for me. Fast-forward to now: I am working in an e-commerce company in switzerland. I almost have no debts (last payment in may 2018) and my coworkers are like family to me. My life turned 180 degrees. THANK YOU, STRANGER i owe you a lot!

MrJagil 9y ago
What a story! Though I am not depressed, I find myself extremely frustrated with a performance-obsessed society at the moment. I go to one of the most prestigious schools in my country. That should feel like an accomplishment, but I am now surrounded by people "better" than me. It's inspiring, but it also demolishes your ego, from time to time. Last night I had a dream of becoming true friends with a colleague that i idolise. Upon waking up, I realised that the women that I love, sleeping next to me, should've been the one occupying that mind-space, and i suddenly felt pathetically insecure.
- tevlon 9y ago
  I feel you man. I was a student at the swiss federal institute of technology (ETH Zürich). I was fine 2 years ago. Had a nice swiss girlfriend but my mind was obsessed with becoming a prestigious scientist. I worried too much and lost her. It was one defining factor of my depression. You should give her a hug and tell her how happy she makes you ;)
- stealthcat 9y ago
  Seems like me. I am studying in Tokyo, Japan. The pressure is so high as I am surrounded by highly-intelligent and hard-working people around me. The machine learning research for Master's degree here is somewhat equivalent to PhD level in my home country (I am from Southeast Asia)
- manmal 9y ago
  I’ve found that my sense of „hierarchy“ is too strong when I start idolizing people. If you concentrate on the aspects where all humans are the same (eg mortality, human needs, driven by chaos/destiny/god/... etc), you can gain a sense that all people are worth the same, and you are among them. You no longer need or want to climb the hierarchy ladder, because there is no hierarchy, only the illusion of one. Rock stars, billionaires, top scientists - they all die, shit and don’t have their life under control, AT ALL. They just do the thing that matters most to them, when circumstances allow them to - and so can you.
stealthcat 9y ago
What happened to bioinformatics?
- tevlon 9y ago
  I finished my master and left the field. If you want to have a career in bioinformatics, there is no way you can get a good position without a PhD. I realized that a PhD is not the best option for me at that time. So i took a regular coding job. Sometimes i miss the "research" part. But i am still active in r/bioinformatics on reddit and read occasionally a paper from BioArxiv(https://www.biorxiv.org/ https://www.biorxiv.org/)
  - sundvor 9y ago
    That is completely awesome, and a great choice. Speaking as someone who's not having had the easiest time lately, it's fantastic to see the positive outcome. All the best going forward.
    - tevlon 9y ago
      Thank you, for your kind words! I like the positivity there. Wish you all the best, too!
pvaldes 9y ago
I'm not your stranger, but your history made my day. I'm happy to hear that you are alive and kicking again.
TAAndreas 9y ago
Great to see you here again and particularly great to hear these news! I was already relieved to see your HN submission in May and now I see that was the time when the first public contributions after your AskHN appeared on the GH profile you used here (What I didn't see is that you already used reddit again only some 3 weeks later) The reason I contacted the police was that I wanted to delegate taking care of this to professionals. I'm not a psychologist and what I think might be a reasonable approach to helping out in such a situation actually might or might not be. (People seem to have very different approaches here from "I feel you bro" through "Hey it's not that bad" to "You can be really proud of x, y and z" and up to "C'mon, stop whining!" and even "It's actually your fault") I'm very glad to see that this seems to have been the right decision. I wasn't too confident about it at first, b/c police really didn't leave a professional impression. When I read that post I was at work and my wife and kid were at home. They were quite shocked (and the neighbors probably somewhat "excited") that KriPo showed up at our place. Turned out, I was also right not to trust their research capabilities. I literally[1] stalked the sh*t out of you and sent them a good dozen of profiles together with your name, (work) phone number and address and the letter to your ex, her profiles &c. That may sound creepy but I actually really wanted to make sure they have all the information they need to reach out to you as fast as possible (I expected it to take minutes, not a week). Turns out doing so was both right and wrong: They really seemed not to be skilled investigators, but to the extent that some days (!) later they called me and told me they couldn't open the links. So after that I really wasn't that full of confidence what concerns the police, so until I saw your HN submission in May I always thought about calling you but didn't really know how you'd react. [1] https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=16403671 https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=16403671
- deleted 9y ago
  [deleted]
- tevlon 9y ago
  hi TAAndreas you are right, the police was not very professional and it might have ended badly. Luckily it didn't. First i was scared that my ex send them to me and i was in trouble (althoug i did nothing illegal). Then i was relieved that it was about my post on HN. Reading this made me uncomfortable, but also happy. A Stranger from the internet cared (about my life) and took action. I got 80 messages on that thread. Most of them were upliftig. But taking action is another level. Thank you for that! Faith in humanity restored. You could have reached out to me directly. I would be happy to have a coffee with a fellow HN and "talk about it". I'd rather talk to a stranger with an open ear than a psychologist who listens because he/she gets paid for it. If there is anything i can do for you, you can contact me at: tevlon84@gmail.com . You did the right thing.Thank you!
vanderZwan 9y ago
(Warning: halfway through writing the thing below it accidentally morphed into a "big picture" rant, sorry about that) This is probably one of the best examples of how the internet can amplify human kindness that I have ever seen. Reading your message fills me with joy, and I think that goes for most of us. The same is true for your linked post. While it was sad to read you felt like that at the time, but I'm happy that you recognised that suicidal thoughts are something to worry about, and that you reached out for help, and that it all worked out in the end! And good that you sought out therapy. The sooner we get rid of the stigma for mental illnesses, the better. We don't judge people for getting a broken bone fixed either. This probably sounds way too familiar to many of us, and it really is a clear sign it is time to seek help: > I feel trapped. Forgotten. Not part of society. (...) I feel like, i can never "start a life", because i studied so long and no one wants a quitter It can be so hard to explain this feeling to those who have not experienced it. Pessimism can objectively be inappropriate, yet subjectively a perfectly logical conclusion. When I felt like this, I remember that friends would list objective reasons why everything should work out fine (and there were many). It only made me feel worse: I already knew those facts, they gave no emotional comfort. All they did was make me think "if I manage to fail despite all of that, I must be even worse a person than I though". If anyone reading this recognises any of these anxieties: it's not you. Modern society is almost guaranteed cause these thoughts in many of us. Most interactions with other humans have been abstracted away into complex systems, and some of that complexity is probably necessary for it to function. The problem is that these systems rarely acknowledge that we evolved as a social species. That our mutual dependence for survival has resulted in brains that are hardwired to seek nurturing, supportive connections, and have an excessive fear of rejection and "missing out". The systems we have set up are often a terrible mismatch with that. Our new modes of communication have far-reaching consequences for the way we get things done[1], since (mis)communication is one of the most important factors in building trust, which is the foundation of collaboration[2]. We will need to figure out how to cope with these changes, both individually and as a society. This is why initiatives like Buurtzorg[3][4] are so successful: they are a "recalibration" (and rediscovery) of organisational structures into something that is a better fit for the way humans naturally collaborate and build trust together. It is going to be really interesting to see how initiatives like this will evolve, and the counter-responses from the people and institutes with a vested interest in maintaining the old structures. And with all of that in the back of my head, it makes perfect sense to me that that police visit was what you needed. An anonymous stranger cares enough about your well-being to think of looking up your IP and sends it to the police, and the police then followed through on that to check in on you. And that part is important: it does not end with intangible messages on a screen, but with a physical interaction with human beings. Direct, tangible emotional proof that you are a part society, and not forgotten. [0] https://www.additudemag.com/rejection-sensitive-dysphoria-how-to-treat-it-alongside-adhd/ https://www.additudemag.com/rejection-sensitive-dysphoria-ho... [1] https://www.ted.com/talks/clay_shirky_how_the_internet_will_one_day_transform_government/transcript https://www.ted.com/talks/clay_shirky_how_the_internet_will_... [2] http://ncase.me/trust/ http://ncase.me/trust/ [3] https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SSoWtXvqsgg https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SSoWtXvqsgg [4] https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Buurtzorg_Nederland https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Buurtzorg_Nederland
urmish 9y ago
did you attend therapy? and did it help? It might sound like a stupid and a lazy question, but what happens in therapy?
- tevlon 9y ago
  I have to say. I didn't. So here is the rest of the story: I assured the police to make a therapy. They said they will check in a week, if i reached for help. I did. I called the Psychological Counseling Services at my university. They said their next free session is in 2 Months. The police officer who came to my flat called me ^. I told them... that they are fully booked and the next free spot is in 2 Months. He asked for the phone number of the counseiling service. I guess he called them and they confirm that i have an appointment in 2 months. This is where the sotry ended for the police officer. In hindsight, i don't think they really cared. They just did their duty. Anyway: Fast-forward 1 Month: i went to switzerland looking for a job and i got an offer, 1 week after my interviews. Fast-forward another month: i didn't go to couseling, because i had exams and i felt much better. But i would have taken the counseling, if i was still depressed. That job offer was my way out of my depression. Sometimes, you can get out. Sometimes you are able to get out of this "dark place" yourself, but most of the times, you should seek for help! So if somebody is reading this. PLEASE GET HELP! Don't try to convince yourself, that you can get out on your own.
  - ma2rten 9y ago
    They didn't have an appointment in 2 months for someone who is suicidal? What a joke...
hestipod 9y ago
I actually find this very unsettling as I was about to post a last ditch "advice or help" post with lots of potentially identifiable details required to relate the story (and would have had to ID myself to anyone helping anyway) and don't feel safe doing so now, because the police being called to my home would result in more problems for me and potentially total loss of agency. Even if I could avoid being taken in against my will and saddled with huge medical bills I would likely lose the last place I have to stay as it is on shaky ground as it is and the cops showing up here would be just the excuse they need to send me off. Nothing in your linked post said you were in immediate danger, you just sounded mildly depressed, and lots of people have ongoing suicidal thoughts for very valid reasons like my long term health issues that some intervention like the above won't help at all. Getting me mired in debt and being buried even more in life, and locked in a mental hospital, won't help me. I am glad things worked in your case and it was as simple as having a wake up call, but lots of us can't afford for someone to involve the authorities, who in my country at least are not remotely allies in these situations. Glad now I was smart enough not to post/email from an identifiable connection thus far, and use a pseudonym with the one person I have spoken to from the forum, but knowing this place people are smart enough to still ID me despite those precautions. I spent last evening writing and editing the draft...trying to anticipate all the ways people would respond with the things that have never worked and trying to paint an accurate picture of my situation and needs. I was going to post it today hoping THIS time something might work out. But your post has just reminded me that it's far more likely someone is going to negatively enter my life than help...as has been the case over and over. If people want to help (with the exception of POSSIBLY someone saying "I am doing it now goodbye") they should talk to US directly not call the cops and create potentially huge problems. I find the lengths he went to to ID you so incredibly uncomfortable.
- TAAndreas 9y ago
  I'm sorry both to hear you're facing this kind of problems and that you now seem to have lost a way to deal with it. I reached out to the police for tevlon b/c a) I'm in the same country b) I felt I could properly assess the implications my action had c) I felt those are mainly positive (I actually did have the concerns you raised in mind, but felt I carefully weighed the pros and cons) d) If at all possible being forced to take a medical treatment is extremely unlikely here (and the vast majority of medical treatments is covered by your obligatory medical insurance here) e) Together with the other information I gathered the situation seemed way more serious than it would have seemed with the post's information only But also f) I generally do consider suicidal thoughts sth serious and not at all "normal" in the sense of being sth you don't have to take care of (which does not mean that going through what you paint to be the implications of a police call in your country seems like a proper way to take care of it for me). I'm not telling you all this to justify, but a) to show you that I really did take my action and its implications serious and b) this was a decision tailored to this very specific situation. I don't know what exactly you were about to post and I can of course only speak for myself but solely the fact that you're in another country already "breaks" the chain of arguments presented above that justified calling the police for me, so even without you telling me the implications you see a police call would have, it would be extremely unlikely for me to actually call the police on you. More particularly that a) now you clearly voiced your concerns and disapproved of the police being called on you and b) you consider your situation not constituting immediate danger I can't imagine anyone still doing so. Still: I can only talk for myself and as soon as you post sth publicly, you of course never know who will read it and how they will react. Long story short: I really am sorry both for your situation and for me making you hesitate in taking a step that might help you in your situation. I don't want to convince you anything but I actually don't consider the risk of you unwantedly finding yourself in the situation you described when you explicitly state not wanting it. Therefore, if you feel that this would help you, you might reconsider your decision. To be fair: You seem not to be the only one, opposed of what I did considering the downvotes I got.

by tevlon 9y ago

MrJagil 9y ago

What a story! Though I am not depressed, I find myself extremely frustrated with a performance-obsessed society at the moment. I go to one of the most prestigious schools in my country. That should feel like an accomplishment, but I am now surrounded by people "better" than me. It's inspiring, but it also demolishes your ego, from time to time. Last night I had a dream of becoming true friends with a colleague that i idolise. Upon waking up, I realised that the women that I love, sleeping next to me, should've been the one occupying that mind-space, and i suddenly felt pathetically insecure.

tevlon 9y ago
I feel you man. I was a student at the swiss federal institute of technology (ETH Zürich). I was fine 2 years ago. Had a nice swiss girlfriend but my mind was obsessed with becoming a prestigious scientist. I worried too much and lost her. It was one defining factor of my depression. You should give her a hug and tell her how happy she makes you ;)
stealthcat 9y ago
Seems like me. I am studying in Tokyo, Japan. The pressure is so high as I am surrounded by highly-intelligent and hard-working people around me. The machine learning research for Master's degree here is somewhat equivalent to PhD level in my home country (I am from Southeast Asia)
manmal 9y ago
I’ve found that my sense of „hierarchy“ is too strong when I start idolizing people. If you concentrate on the aspects where all humans are the same (eg mortality, human needs, driven by chaos/destiny/god/... etc), you can gain a sense that all people are worth the same, and you are among them. You no longer need or want to climb the hierarchy ladder, because there is no hierarchy, only the illusion of one. Rock stars, billionaires, top scientists - they all die, shit and don’t have their life under control, AT ALL. They just do the thing that matters most to them, when circumstances allow them to - and so can you.

stealthcat 9y ago

What happened to bioinformatics?

tevlon 9y ago
I finished my master and left the field. If you want to have a career in bioinformatics, there is no way you can get a good position without a PhD. I realized that a PhD is not the best option for me at that time. So i took a regular coding job. Sometimes i miss the "research" part. But i am still active in r/bioinformatics on reddit and read occasionally a paper from BioArxiv(https://www.biorxiv.org/ https://www.biorxiv.org/)
- sundvor 9y ago
  That is completely awesome, and a great choice. Speaking as someone who's not having had the easiest time lately, it's fantastic to see the positive outcome. All the best going forward.
  - tevlon 9y ago
    Thank you, for your kind words! I like the positivity there. Wish you all the best, too!

pvaldes 9y ago

I'm not your stranger, but your history made my day. I'm happy to hear that you are alive and kicking again.

TAAndreas 9y ago

Great to see you here again and particularly great to hear these news! I was already relieved to see your HN submission in May and now I see that was the time when the first public contributions after your AskHN appeared on the GH profile you used here (What I didn't see is that you already used reddit again only some 3 weeks later) The reason I contacted the police was that I wanted to delegate taking care of this to professionals. I'm not a psychologist and what I think might be a reasonable approach to helping out in such a situation actually might or might not be. (People seem to have very different approaches here from "I feel you bro" through "Hey it's not that bad" to "You can be really proud of x, y and z" and up to "C'mon, stop whining!" and even "It's actually your fault") I'm very glad to see that this seems to have been the right decision. I wasn't too confident about it at first, b/c police really didn't leave a professional impression. When I read that post I was at work and my wife and kid were at home. They were quite shocked (and the neighbors probably somewhat "excited") that KriPo showed up at our place. Turned out, I was also right not to trust their research capabilities. I literally[1] stalked the sh*t out of you and sent them a good dozen of profiles together with your name, (work) phone number and address and the letter to your ex, her profiles &c. That may sound creepy but I actually really wanted to make sure they have all the information they need to reach out to you as fast as possible (I expected it to take minutes, not a week). Turns out doing so was both right and wrong: They really seemed not to be skilled investigators, but to the extent that some days (!) later they called me and told me they couldn't open the links. So after that I really wasn't that full of confidence what concerns the police, so until I saw your HN submission in May I always thought about calling you but didn't really know how you'd react. [1] https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=16403671 https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=16403671

deleted 9y ago
[deleted]
tevlon 9y ago
hi TAAndreas you are right, the police was not very professional and it might have ended badly. Luckily it didn't. First i was scared that my ex send them to me and i was in trouble (althoug i did nothing illegal). Then i was relieved that it was about my post on HN. Reading this made me uncomfortable, but also happy. A Stranger from the internet cared (about my life) and took action. I got 80 messages on that thread. Most of them were upliftig. But taking action is another level. Thank you for that! Faith in humanity restored. You could have reached out to me directly. I would be happy to have a coffee with a fellow HN and "talk about it". I'd rather talk to a stranger with an open ear than a psychologist who listens because he/she gets paid for it. If there is anything i can do for you, you can contact me at: tevlon84@gmail.com . You did the right thing.Thank you!

vanderZwan 9y ago

(Warning: halfway through writing the thing below it accidentally morphed into a "big picture" rant, sorry about that) This is probably one of the best examples of how the internet can amplify human kindness that I have ever seen. Reading your message fills me with joy, and I think that goes for most of us. The same is true for your linked post. While it was sad to read you felt like that at the time, but I'm happy that you recognised that suicidal thoughts are something to worry about, and that you reached out for help, and that it all worked out in the end! And good that you sought out therapy. The sooner we get rid of the stigma for mental illnesses, the better. We don't judge people for getting a broken bone fixed either. This probably sounds way too familiar to many of us, and it really is a clear sign it is time to seek help: > I feel trapped. Forgotten. Not part of society. (...) I feel like, i can never "start a life", because i studied so long and no one wants a quitter It can be so hard to explain this feeling to those who have not experienced it. Pessimism can objectively be inappropriate, yet subjectively a perfectly logical conclusion. When I felt like this, I remember that friends would list objective reasons why everything should work out fine (and there were many). It only made me feel worse: I already knew those facts, they gave no emotional comfort. All they did was make me think "if I manage to fail despite all of that, I must be even worse a person than I though". If anyone reading this recognises any of these anxieties: it's not you. Modern society is almost guaranteed cause these thoughts in many of us. Most interactions with other humans have been abstracted away into complex systems, and some of that complexity is probably necessary for it to function. The problem is that these systems rarely acknowledge that we evolved as a social species. That our mutual dependence for survival has resulted in brains that are hardwired to seek nurturing, supportive connections, and have an excessive fear of rejection and "missing out". The systems we have set up are often a terrible mismatch with that. Our new modes of communication have far-reaching consequences for the way we get things done[1], since (mis)communication is one of the most important factors in building trust, which is the foundation of collaboration[2]. We will need to figure out how to cope with these changes, both individually and as a society. This is why initiatives like Buurtzorg[3][4] are so successful: they are a "recalibration" (and rediscovery) of organisational structures into something that is a better fit for the way humans naturally collaborate and build trust together. It is going to be really interesting to see how initiatives like this will evolve, and the counter-responses from the people and institutes with a vested interest in maintaining the old structures. And with all of that in the back of my head, it makes perfect sense to me that that police visit was what you needed. An anonymous stranger cares enough about your well-being to think of looking up your IP and sends it to the police, and the police then followed through on that to check in on you. And that part is important: it does not end with intangible messages on a screen, but with a physical interaction with human beings. Direct, tangible emotional proof that you are a part society, and not forgotten. [0] https://www.additudemag.com/rejection-sensitive-dysphoria-how-to-treat-it-alongside-adhd/ https://www.additudemag.com/rejection-sensitive-dysphoria-ho... [1] https://www.ted.com/talks/clay_shirky_how_the_internet_will_one_day_transform_government/transcript https://www.ted.com/talks/clay_shirky_how_the_internet_will_... [2] http://ncase.me/trust/ http://ncase.me/trust/ [3] https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SSoWtXvqsgg https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SSoWtXvqsgg [4] https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Buurtzorg_Nederland https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Buurtzorg_Nederland

urmish 9y ago

did you attend therapy? and did it help? It might sound like a stupid and a lazy question, but what happens in therapy?

tevlon 9y ago
I have to say. I didn't. So here is the rest of the story: I assured the police to make a therapy. They said they will check in a week, if i reached for help. I did. I called the Psychological Counseling Services at my university. They said their next free session is in 2 Months. The police officer who came to my flat called me ^. I told them... that they are fully booked and the next free spot is in 2 Months. He asked for the phone number of the counseiling service. I guess he called them and they confirm that i have an appointment in 2 months. This is where the sotry ended for the police officer. In hindsight, i don't think they really cared. They just did their duty. Anyway: Fast-forward 1 Month: i went to switzerland looking for a job and i got an offer, 1 week after my interviews. Fast-forward another month: i didn't go to couseling, because i had exams and i felt much better. But i would have taken the counseling, if i was still depressed. That job offer was my way out of my depression. Sometimes, you can get out. Sometimes you are able to get out of this "dark place" yourself, but most of the times, you should seek for help! So if somebody is reading this. PLEASE GET HELP! Don't try to convince yourself, that you can get out on your own.
- ma2rten 9y ago
  They didn't have an appointment in 2 months for someone who is suicidal? What a joke...

hestipod 9y ago

I actually find this very unsettling as I was about to post a last ditch "advice or help" post with lots of potentially identifiable details required to relate the story (and would have had to ID myself to anyone helping anyway) and don't feel safe doing so now, because the police being called to my home would result in more problems for me and potentially total loss of agency. Even if I could avoid being taken in against my will and saddled with huge medical bills I would likely lose the last place I have to stay as it is on shaky ground as it is and the cops showing up here would be just the excuse they need to send me off. Nothing in your linked post said you were in immediate danger, you just sounded mildly depressed, and lots of people have ongoing suicidal thoughts for very valid reasons like my long term health issues that some intervention like the above won't help at all. Getting me mired in debt and being buried even more in life, and locked in a mental hospital, won't help me. I am glad things worked in your case and it was as simple as having a wake up call, but lots of us can't afford for someone to involve the authorities, who in my country at least are not remotely allies in these situations. Glad now I was smart enough not to post/email from an identifiable connection thus far, and use a pseudonym with the one person I have spoken to from the forum, but knowing this place people are smart enough to still ID me despite those precautions. I spent last evening writing and editing the draft...trying to anticipate all the ways people would respond with the things that have never worked and trying to paint an accurate picture of my situation and needs. I was going to post it today hoping THIS time something might work out. But your post has just reminded me that it's far more likely someone is going to negatively enter my life than help...as has been the case over and over. If people want to help (with the exception of POSSIBLY someone saying "I am doing it now goodbye") they should talk to US directly not call the cops and create potentially huge problems. I find the lengths he went to to ID you so incredibly uncomfortable.

TAAndreas 9y ago
I'm sorry both to hear you're facing this kind of problems and that you now seem to have lost a way to deal with it. I reached out to the police for tevlon b/c a) I'm in the same country b) I felt I could properly assess the implications my action had c) I felt those are mainly positive (I actually did have the concerns you raised in mind, but felt I carefully weighed the pros and cons) d) If at all possible being forced to take a medical treatment is extremely unlikely here (and the vast majority of medical treatments is covered by your obligatory medical insurance here) e) Together with the other information I gathered the situation seemed way more serious than it would have seemed with the post's information only But also f) I generally do consider suicidal thoughts sth serious and not at all "normal" in the sense of being sth you don't have to take care of (which does not mean that going through what you paint to be the implications of a police call in your country seems like a proper way to take care of it for me). I'm not telling you all this to justify, but a) to show you that I really did take my action and its implications serious and b) this was a decision tailored to this very specific situation. I don't know what exactly you were about to post and I can of course only speak for myself but solely the fact that you're in another country already "breaks" the chain of arguments presented above that justified calling the police for me, so even without you telling me the implications you see a police call would have, it would be extremely unlikely for me to actually call the police on you. More particularly that a) now you clearly voiced your concerns and disapproved of the police being called on you and b) you consider your situation not constituting immediate danger I can't imagine anyone still doing so. Still: I can only talk for myself and as soon as you post sth publicly, you of course never know who will read it and how they will react. Long story short: I really am sorry both for your situation and for me making you hesitate in taking a step that might help you in your situation. I don't want to convince you anything but I actually don't consider the risk of you unwantedly finding yourself in the situation you described when you explicitly state not wanting it. Therefore, if you feel that this would help you, you might reconsider your decision. To be fair: You seem not to be the only one, opposed of what I did considering the downvotes I got.