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Brott writes about this a bit in his books - mostly about the societal expectation of father as "bread winner" who should be concerned about the fiscal side of

Brott writes about this a bit in his books - mostly about the societal expectation of father as "bread winner" who should be concerned about the fiscal side of child-rearing because that is his (some might say sole) responsibility vs. mother as care-giver and nurturer. You can count me as at least one new dad you've, well, not necessarily met, whose primary concern is more along the lines of, "How the hell am I gonna be involved with my son's life?" (:

navbaker 9y ago
>>"How the hell am I gonna be involved with my son's life?" I’m actually in the process of changing careers due to the realization that remaining on my current track would put me at work before they get out of bed and home from work after they’re in bed for the next 15-ish years. I refuse to miss my kids growing up during this one shot at life I have.
- cdubzzz 9y ago
  I hear ya. I am also in the process of a career shift brought about by our change in priorities after our son was born. The unfortunate thing is that I am losing some of my schedule flexibility (at least in the near term), but the reason for our (coast to coast) move is to be closer to immediate family so that they can also be a more involved part of our son's life. It's really amazing to me how this child has changed us and our lives. Not to say that my wife and I expected the kid to pop out and life to return to business as usual, just that I didn't truly comprehend how profoundly this experience would change me. It's intense.
  - le-mark 9y ago
    to be closer to immediate family so that they can also be a more involved part of our son's life. This is so huge, not only so your kids know their extended family, but also to have some basic help. We've found that even my sister who lives 45 minutes away is just a bit too far to see them as frequently as we'd like, with her busy family and all. My advice is to move closer than you think you ought to!
  - manmal 9y ago
    Now wait what a second kid can do to your schedule flexibility :) It‘s not twice the change, but times 4, at least in the first two years.
- jeffwass 9y ago
  One suggestion - are you able to shift your hours to see your kids either before or after? I’ve been able to arrange things and arrive at work a bit later, so I see my kids each morning and take them to school. Then I stay a bit later at work. It also means I don’t see them most weeknights, but I see them every morning (barring the rare unmovable meeting). Some of my colleagues do opposite. But there are also parents that just don’t see their kids at all until the weekend.
  - navbaker 9y ago
    Unfortunately no. I am military right now so my hours are what my boss and meeting schedule says they are.
    - Caveman_Coder 9y ago
      Been there done that, its tough but it gets a lot better when you get out of the military.
- poulsbohemian 9y ago
  I live in a small town in the middle of nowhere. I make a lot less than I once did, but not being a road warrior, being able to walk my kids to school each morning, being able to take them to their activities -- I think it's a worthwhile tradeoff. Good on you for being cognizant of the challenge of family vs. work and making some hard choices.

navbaker 9y ago

>>"How the hell am I gonna be involved with my son's life?" I’m actually in the process of changing careers due to the realization that remaining on my current track would put me at work before they get out of bed and home from work after they’re in bed for the next 15-ish years. I refuse to miss my kids growing up during this one shot at life I have.

cdubzzz 9y ago
I hear ya. I am also in the process of a career shift brought about by our change in priorities after our son was born. The unfortunate thing is that I am losing some of my schedule flexibility (at least in the near term), but the reason for our (coast to coast) move is to be closer to immediate family so that they can also be a more involved part of our son's life. It's really amazing to me how this child has changed us and our lives. Not to say that my wife and I expected the kid to pop out and life to return to business as usual, just that I didn't truly comprehend how profoundly this experience would change me. It's intense.
- le-mark 9y ago
  to be closer to immediate family so that they can also be a more involved part of our son's life. This is so huge, not only so your kids know their extended family, but also to have some basic help. We've found that even my sister who lives 45 minutes away is just a bit too far to see them as frequently as we'd like, with her busy family and all. My advice is to move closer than you think you ought to!
- manmal 9y ago
  Now wait what a second kid can do to your schedule flexibility :) It‘s not twice the change, but times 4, at least in the first two years.
jeffwass 9y ago
One suggestion - are you able to shift your hours to see your kids either before or after? I’ve been able to arrange things and arrive at work a bit later, so I see my kids each morning and take them to school. Then I stay a bit later at work. It also means I don’t see them most weeknights, but I see them every morning (barring the rare unmovable meeting). Some of my colleagues do opposite. But there are also parents that just don’t see their kids at all until the weekend.
- navbaker 9y ago
  Unfortunately no. I am military right now so my hours are what my boss and meeting schedule says they are.
  - Caveman_Coder 9y ago
    Been there done that, its tough but it gets a lot better when you get out of the military.
poulsbohemian 9y ago
I live in a small town in the middle of nowhere. I make a lot less than I once did, but not being a road warrior, being able to walk my kids to school each morning, being able to take them to their activities -- I think it's a worthwhile tradeoff. Good on you for being cognizant of the challenge of family vs. work and making some hard choices.