This is the sort of flippant comment that has no place on HN. Who told you to invest your entire life savings in crypto? That seems like a foolish strategy eve

This is the sort of flippant comment that has no place on HN. Who told you to invest your entire life savings in crypto? That seems like a foolish strategy even to someone who is quite bullish on cryptocurrency in general (me). As for "something you need to keep on a USB key", that's just silly. If you take responsibility for the security of your own funds it's really not difficult. Buy a hardware wallet and back up the keyphrase in a safety deposit box. There, you're done... now you'd have to both lose/break the wallet and have the bank's vault go up in smoke simultaneously to lose your funds.