3 ms·

A lot of things really don't warrant an actual apology (bumping into someone, forgetting something) - there isn't a lot you could have done to prevent it. Or yo

A lot of things really don't warrant an actual apology (bumping into someone, forgetting something) - there isn't a lot you could have done to prevent it. Or you are forced to apologized, even though you weren't actually regretful. Or we are forced to apologize for things we aren't actually sorry for: words that were said instead of apologizing for your contribution to the situation that led up to the words or for the situation the words caused. If polite society doesn't allow folks to express how we actually feel and expects a lot of empty apologies for politeness sake, the genuine apologies are going to be much more rare. It isn't so much a struggle with apologies as a struggle with the expectations of others and the society we live in. To be fair, this is mostly about American culture as I'm more familiar with it. They don't seem as necessary here in Norway for such little offenses (bumping into someone on the bus is a wordless thing, for example).

hodgesrm 9y ago
On the other hand, part of politeness is helping others feel better even if you go a bit out of the way to achieve it. American society would not be harmed by more of this.
davesque 9y ago
I wasn't talking about little offenses like bumping into someone. I was talking about things like making insensitive remarks or unfairly directing negative feelings or anger at someone who doesn't deserve it or wasn't the cause of the original stress factor that led to the anger. Or maybe even worse things than that. Generally, things about which a person might come to feel some kind of deeper remorse. I do think it's often possible to identify the first person who lost their cool or decided to project their own internal conflict onto someone else. This can sometimes turn out to be oneself.
gowld 9y ago
Hmm? If I bump into someone because I wasn't watching where I was going, or I misjudged a gap, there is a lot I could have done to prevent.
racer-v 9y ago
One of the first phrases I try to learn when visiting a foreign country is how to apologize for bumping somone, or ask someone to move aside. "Excuse me" in English, "entschuldigen" in German, "jièguāng" in Mandarin. It's so much less awkward being when you can communicate with words. Is there a phrase you would use for this in Norwegian, or would you just clear your throat and tap your foot?
- Broken_Hippo 9y ago
  Most of the time, you'd just make eye contact if that. granted, i'm talking about small bumps and things that Americans apologize for daily, but are a normal part of life. Things change a little if you actually get someone to lose balance or fall down. "unnskyld meg" - a form of "excuse me" - same thing someone says if they want me to move. More importantly, make sure the other person is OK. Help them pick up stuff if dropped. Mostly, it just more seems like that sort of thing isn't as big of a deal here because it is part of life, especially on crowded buses. Don't get me wrong, I find society really nice on the whole. If I fall down on the ice, folks make sure to ask if I'm OK. People help children (and children stop random folks to talk... they are on public buses at school age by themselves). Most people have been really patient with the language barrier - more so than I saw in the US - and people are happy I try instead of being upset that I have an accent. And granted, I was taught some of this from my Norwegian spouse and through language/civics classes required for my immigration. I honestly hear apologies and the like more from other immigrants, and Americans seem overly polite and fake happy/apologetic in comparison.

hodgesrm 9y ago

On the other hand, part of politeness is helping others feel better even if you go a bit out of the way to achieve it. American society would not be harmed by more of this.

davesque 9y ago

I wasn't talking about little offenses like bumping into someone. I was talking about things like making insensitive remarks or unfairly directing negative feelings or anger at someone who doesn't deserve it or wasn't the cause of the original stress factor that led to the anger. Or maybe even worse things than that. Generally, things about which a person might come to feel some kind of deeper remorse. I do think it's often possible to identify the first person who lost their cool or decided to project their own internal conflict onto someone else. This can sometimes turn out to be oneself.

gowld 9y ago

Hmm? If I bump into someone because I wasn't watching where I was going, or I misjudged a gap, there is a lot I could have done to prevent.

racer-v 9y ago

One of the first phrases I try to learn when visiting a foreign country is how to apologize for bumping somone, or ask someone to move aside. "Excuse me" in English, "entschuldigen" in German, "jièguāng" in Mandarin. It's so much less awkward being when you can communicate with words. Is there a phrase you would use for this in Norwegian, or would you just clear your throat and tap your foot?

Broken_Hippo 9y ago
Most of the time, you'd just make eye contact if that. granted, i'm talking about small bumps and things that Americans apologize for daily, but are a normal part of life. Things change a little if you actually get someone to lose balance or fall down. "unnskyld meg" - a form of "excuse me" - same thing someone says if they want me to move. More importantly, make sure the other person is OK. Help them pick up stuff if dropped. Mostly, it just more seems like that sort of thing isn't as big of a deal here because it is part of life, especially on crowded buses. Don't get me wrong, I find society really nice on the whole. If I fall down on the ice, folks make sure to ask if I'm OK. People help children (and children stop random folks to talk... they are on public buses at school age by themselves). Most people have been really patient with the language barrier - more so than I saw in the US - and people are happy I try instead of being upset that I have an accent. And granted, I was taught some of this from my Norwegian spouse and through language/civics classes required for my immigration. I honestly hear apologies and the like more from other immigrants, and Americans seem overly polite and fake happy/apologetic in comparison.