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That's one interpretation. What if you or other neighbors had been even friendlier, sooner. You may have found out about it sooner and been able to help stop i

That's one interpretation. What if you or other neighbors had been even friendlier, sooner. You may have found out about it sooner and been able to help stop it.

skate22 9y ago
We were never unfriendly. And its not exactly like they were making it publicly visible.
mikestew 9y ago
Go on, I'd like to hear how you think this would have played out. Buddy up to 'em long enough, and they'll let the cat out of the bag? Because, as disturbing as it was, I gave this an honest effort as a thought experiment, and I haven't come up with anything I'd rely on. Of the situations for which I've had more than a casual familiarity, it consistently comes out only after the fact.
- loorinm 9y ago
  There are probably too many variables for us to speculate "what would have happened" in this situation. My comment is this: Generally and overwhelmingly, when a group of people is more interconnected and those connections are stronger, "bad" behavior gets found out and stopped faster. I think that's true of any group of people. Of course, "bad" = unacceptable to the group itself. Someone telling you "I did this bad thing" is not the only way for you to find out. I think if a child knows there is a way out, that there other people who care enough to take effective action, they might be more likely to tell someone. But often there is no one who cares that much. Teachers, neighbors, other parents, they're all "nice" but they aren't invested. What I'm talking about is a deep relationship, and that isn't a function of time spent together, or any other concrete fact. It's organic and emotional. We can grow those relationships if we choose to. I feel this is the only way to actually solve a lot of social problems that have been going on for decades now. Shooters, internet trolling, bullying, abuse, molestation, those people who pop up every year or so who have been hiding 15 children in a basement..etc
  - skate22 9y ago
    Trying to make kids comforatable enough to come forward is an after the fact action. There are people who are REALLY good at acting. As adults we get to choose what risks to take. Kids have that choice made for them. Also, kids who are too young might not even fully understand what's going on, so they might not be actively searching for a way out. I like your mentality of growing relationships with people, but when it comes to protecting kids i feel you owe it to them to be sceptical of others. The risk just isnt worth the free babysitter.
  - mikestew 9y ago
    Thank you for your reply. Though I think you’re being a bit idealistic, I do agree with the overall sentiment.

That's one interpretation. What if you or other neighbors had been even friendlier, sooner. You may have found out about it sooner and been able to help stop it.

skate22 9y ago

We were never unfriendly. And its not exactly like they were making it publicly visible.

mikestew 9y ago

Go on, I'd like to hear how you think this would have played out. Buddy up to 'em long enough, and they'll let the cat out of the bag? Because, as disturbing as it was, I gave this an honest effort as a thought experiment, and I haven't come up with anything I'd rely on. Of the situations for which I've had more than a casual familiarity, it consistently comes out only after the fact.

loorinm 9y ago
There are probably too many variables for us to speculate "what would have happened" in this situation. My comment is this: Generally and overwhelmingly, when a group of people is more interconnected and those connections are stronger, "bad" behavior gets found out and stopped faster. I think that's true of any group of people. Of course, "bad" = unacceptable to the group itself. Someone telling you "I did this bad thing" is not the only way for you to find out. I think if a child knows there is a way out, that there other people who care enough to take effective action, they might be more likely to tell someone. But often there is no one who cares that much. Teachers, neighbors, other parents, they're all "nice" but they aren't invested. What I'm talking about is a deep relationship, and that isn't a function of time spent together, or any other concrete fact. It's organic and emotional. We can grow those relationships if we choose to. I feel this is the only way to actually solve a lot of social problems that have been going on for decades now. Shooters, internet trolling, bullying, abuse, molestation, those people who pop up every year or so who have been hiding 15 children in a basement..etc
- skate22 9y ago
  Trying to make kids comforatable enough to come forward is an after the fact action. There are people who are REALLY good at acting. As adults we get to choose what risks to take. Kids have that choice made for them. Also, kids who are too young might not even fully understand what's going on, so they might not be actively searching for a way out. I like your mentality of growing relationships with people, but when it comes to protecting kids i feel you owe it to them to be sceptical of others. The risk just isnt worth the free babysitter.
- mikestew 9y ago
  Thank you for your reply. Though I think you’re being a bit idealistic, I do agree with the overall sentiment.