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Thank you. I appreciate that. Mostly I assume people mean well but suggest silly things because they're ignorant. Reading Dale Carnegie taught me that you have

by Kalium 9y ago

Thank you. I appreciate that. Mostly I assume people mean well but suggest silly things because they're ignorant. Reading Dale Carnegie taught me that you have to tell people they're right and stroke their egos a bit before you can imply that they might have the wonderful opportunity to become more right. It's honestly exhausting to implement. It's a lot of hoops to jump through to tell someone that they don't actually understand what they're talking about. However... most people do not typically respond well to being flatly told they're wrong. Explaining how and why they are wrong does not generally improve matters, as people usually stop honestly listening as soon as they hear "You're wrong". As you say, it does run the risk of coming off as patronizing. It's hard to avoid that entirely, as different people sometimes have drastically different standards.

pathseeker 9y ago
>As you say, it does run the risk of coming off as patronizing. It's hard to avoid that entirely, as different people sometimes have drastically different standards. Definitely. I read your post as very patronizing (even though I agree with it) because you started with "Your heart is in the right place." That's just a sugar-coated way tell a child "nice try but you're extremely naive". IMO it's better to skip telling someone they are wrong like a child and skip right to the rebuttal without including any references to the parent author (an ad-hominem).
- Kalium 9y ago
  In the abstract, I agree with you. In practice, I've found that a lot of people react to being treated that way in the same way they might react to being slapped. This is not always the best way to further a productive conversation.
  - kungito 9y ago
    They actually taught us this in Business English class. They said we should do this when talking to people from the States which was really weird for us since most Europeans said they find it patronizing.

by Kalium 9y ago

pathseeker 9y ago

>As you say, it does run the risk of coming off as patronizing. It's hard to avoid that entirely, as different people sometimes have drastically different standards. Definitely. I read your post as very patronizing (even though I agree with it) because you started with "Your heart is in the right place." That's just a sugar-coated way tell a child "nice try but you're extremely naive". IMO it's better to skip telling someone they are wrong like a child and skip right to the rebuttal without including any references to the parent author (an ad-hominem).

Kalium 9y ago
In the abstract, I agree with you. In practice, I've found that a lot of people react to being treated that way in the same way they might react to being slapped. This is not always the best way to further a productive conversation.
- kungito 9y ago
  They actually taught us this in Business English class. They said we should do this when talking to people from the States which was really weird for us since most Europeans said they find it patronizing.