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I appreciate your perspective on me maybe not being recovered. It's not something I considered, and I'm historically a very poor judge of my own mental well-bei

I appreciate your perspective on me maybe not being recovered. It's not something I considered, and I'm historically a very poor judge of my own mental well-being. I will spend time considering this. Tying up loose ends from my crisis is difficult because it involves someone else I haven't spoken to since. I'm not sure it's my place to instigate that, and it frankly feels as though it may still be too soon for both of us. Regardless you motivated me to draft a short message inviting a discussion and I'll spend the next few days considering whether to send it. Thank you for the kind and thoughtful response.

DoreenMichele 9y ago
Writing them likely would open up a can of worms, not resolve things. You are making a mistake to frame this as something that cannot be resolved without their cooperation. You need to deal with your end of things even if they never speak to you again, even if they die in a car wreck tomorrow or turn out to be a sadist acting with malice aforethought who has no desire to resolve anything. Let me suggest you instead do one or more of the following: 1. Journal as a way to sort your thoughts and deal with your feelings. 2. Figure out how and why things went wrong as a means to learn from it so you are less likely to go through this again. Fear of being hurt in the same way is a huge obstacle to moving on. The best antidote is to learn from the experience so that is unlikely. 3. Pursue a creative outlet, like music, art or poetry, as a means to fully express the depths of your feelings about the matter. 4. "Forgive" yourself. Most people are raised with either a shame or a guilt model and really beat themselves up when things go wrong. The reality is that life is a growth experience. You aren't going to have all the answers, all the time for everything. Accepting that and dealing gently and compassionately with yourself is one of best things you can do to help you move on from social drama. Best.
- whamlastxmas 9y ago
  I did thankfully already decide to not send it. I realized I didn't really need the other person as part of the equation, as you said. I think I'll go grab a guitar a friend offered me for free and play with that. I used to in college.

DoreenMichele 9y ago

Writing them likely would open up a can of worms, not resolve things. You are making a mistake to frame this as something that cannot be resolved without their cooperation. You need to deal with your end of things even if they never speak to you again, even if they die in a car wreck tomorrow or turn out to be a sadist acting with malice aforethought who has no desire to resolve anything. Let me suggest you instead do one or more of the following: 1. Journal as a way to sort your thoughts and deal with your feelings. 2. Figure out how and why things went wrong as a means to learn from it so you are less likely to go through this again. Fear of being hurt in the same way is a huge obstacle to moving on. The best antidote is to learn from the experience so that is unlikely. 3. Pursue a creative outlet, like music, art or poetry, as a means to fully express the depths of your feelings about the matter. 4. "Forgive" yourself. Most people are raised with either a shame or a guilt model and really beat themselves up when things go wrong. The reality is that life is a growth experience. You aren't going to have all the answers, all the time for everything. Accepting that and dealing gently and compassionately with yourself is one of best things you can do to help you move on from social drama. Best.

whamlastxmas 9y ago
I did thankfully already decide to not send it. I realized I didn't really need the other person as part of the equation, as you said. I think I'll go grab a guitar a friend offered me for free and play with that. I used to in college.