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It seems like you’re just complaining about not being able to have the same conversations with your co-workers that you could at a bar with your friend, after a

It seems like you’re just complaining about not being able to have the same conversations with your co-workers that you could at a bar with your friend, after a beer or two.

astura 9y ago
Exactly. Not everything "needs" to be said to everyone at all times. I think things about (some of) my co-worker I'd never say aloud to them - very impolite things. I say "ok" and then bitch to my husband later. And I think things about my customers I never would say to them, but I bitch to my coworker about it later. I know that the office isn't the place for certain discussions, I save those discussions for the bar. I know my coworker don't want to hear my options about their religion (for example), so I don't give them. I think their fad diet of the week is fucking stupid, but I don't dare say it. And that's perfectly ok. It's how this thing called "society" operates. People are polite to each other when they need to be and boundaries are healthy and vary with the nature of the relationship. Showing restraint at work is called "being professional." Indiscriminately running your mouth is not a virtue. It's a good thing people think twice before needlessly upsetting their colleagues, we are living in a more diverse world now. Forced into being cordial and polite with your colleagues and customers should strengthen your outside friendships, as you can trust your friends enough to "tell it how it really is." It's a good thing that the GP is realizing there's a time and place for certain discussions, it's a sign of maturity.
barsonme 9y ago
I dunno, I feel similarly. Like, I have strongly-held beliefs that span "both sides." But (as an example) I'm much more comfortable talking with a conservative about why I think the death penalty is wrong than I am with a liberal about why I think abortion is wrong. From my perspective, many younger (or newer, basically under-30) conservatives have been moderating* some of their views, particularly social views like reforming the justice system, race relations, etc. (I mean, just the other night my SO and I were talking about how a significant number of the College Republican state chairs were openly gay. That wouldn't have happened 10 years ago!) And with this exploration comes the welcoming of different viewpoints. Unfortunately, I see the reverse with liberals of the same age group. And, sure, generalizations suck because everybody will say, "That doesn't apply to my group of friends!" But, I do want to put up a W in the "openness" column for liberals. It's just difficult to do when talking about certain subjects feels like dancing across a minefield. *: Yes, the alt-right has been steadily moving in the opposite direction, but they're a very vocal minority that have been steadily fading.
- deleted 9y ago
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- danso 9y ago
  > I'm much more comfortable talking with a conservative about why I think the death penalty is wrong than I am with a liberal about why I think abortion is wrong. I don't think that's a good comparison for weighing the relative intolerance of a political group. Support of the death penalty is not as uniform among conservatives as abortion is for liberals. Nor does it have as strong of legal support -- states can outright ban the death penalty, they can't ban abortions and have difficulty not having restrictions overturned by the Supreme Court. Most importantly, the death penalty is an administrative action, whereas abortions are seen as personal health decisions. If you argue to someone that abortion is wrong, that person is likely to see that an attack on abortion as a personal right. Whose personal right do you threaten when you argue against the death penalty?
  - barsonme 9y ago
    They’re just what popped on my head. I could replace them with about a dozen other things. Regardless, taking it as a personal attack is a huge part of the issue. We should be able to discuss the efficacy (&c.) of ideas without waking on eggshells.
deleted 9y ago
[deleted]

It seems like you’re just complaining about not being able to have the same conversations with your co-workers that you could at a bar with your friend, after a beer or two.

astura 9y ago

Exactly. Not everything "needs" to be said to everyone at all times. I think things about (some of) my co-worker I'd never say aloud to them - very impolite things. I say "ok" and then bitch to my husband later. And I think things about my customers I never would say to them, but I bitch to my coworker about it later. I know that the office isn't the place for certain discussions, I save those discussions for the bar. I know my coworker don't want to hear my options about their religion (for example), so I don't give them. I think their fad diet of the week is fucking stupid, but I don't dare say it. And that's perfectly ok. It's how this thing called "society" operates. People are polite to each other when they need to be and boundaries are healthy and vary with the nature of the relationship. Showing restraint at work is called "being professional." Indiscriminately running your mouth is not a virtue. It's a good thing people think twice before needlessly upsetting their colleagues, we are living in a more diverse world now. Forced into being cordial and polite with your colleagues and customers should strengthen your outside friendships, as you can trust your friends enough to "tell it how it really is." It's a good thing that the GP is realizing there's a time and place for certain discussions, it's a sign of maturity.

barsonme 9y ago

I dunno, I feel similarly. Like, I have strongly-held beliefs that span "both sides." But (as an example) I'm much more comfortable talking with a conservative about why I think the death penalty is wrong than I am with a liberal about why I think abortion is wrong. From my perspective, many younger (or newer, basically under-30) conservatives have been moderating* some of their views, particularly social views like reforming the justice system, race relations, etc. (I mean, just the other night my SO and I were talking about how a significant number of the College Republican state chairs were openly gay. That wouldn't have happened 10 years ago!) And with this exploration comes the welcoming of different viewpoints. Unfortunately, I see the reverse with liberals of the same age group. And, sure, generalizations suck because everybody will say, "That doesn't apply to my group of friends!" But, I do want to put up a W in the "openness" column for liberals. It's just difficult to do when talking about certain subjects feels like dancing across a minefield. *: Yes, the alt-right has been steadily moving in the opposite direction, but they're a very vocal minority that have been steadily fading.

deleted 9y ago
[deleted]
danso 9y ago
> I'm much more comfortable talking with a conservative about why I think the death penalty is wrong than I am with a liberal about why I think abortion is wrong. I don't think that's a good comparison for weighing the relative intolerance of a political group. Support of the death penalty is not as uniform among conservatives as abortion is for liberals. Nor does it have as strong of legal support -- states can outright ban the death penalty, they can't ban abortions and have difficulty not having restrictions overturned by the Supreme Court. Most importantly, the death penalty is an administrative action, whereas abortions are seen as personal health decisions. If you argue to someone that abortion is wrong, that person is likely to see that an attack on abortion as a personal right. Whose personal right do you threaten when you argue against the death penalty?
- barsonme 9y ago
  They’re just what popped on my head. I could replace them with about a dozen other things. Regardless, taking it as a personal attack is a huge part of the issue. We should be able to discuss the efficacy (&c.) of ideas without waking on eggshells.

deleted 9y ago

[deleted]