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My wife and were 'in a relationship' on Facebook within a few months of meeting each other. Then we were 'married'. Even still, for the first four or so years t

My wife and were 'in a relationship' on Facebook within a few months of meeting each other. Then we were 'married'. Even still, for the first four or so years that we had each other on FB, it wouldn't show me her posts. They just weren't in my feed, I'd scroll down so far I was seeing content from months ago, but I'd never see anything she'd posted that week. Eventually it took me telling FB I didn't want to see posts from 90% of my 'friends', and then going to her feed and 'engaging' with her posts, for it to start showing them to me. I've never actually used Facebook in any serious way; I'll log in and scroll through my feed once every few months, but I've always hated it. The other day I put my finger on why: it's the mobile equivalent of turning on the TV and flipping through channels looking for something to watch, something you do as an alternative to doing something with your time.

dkasper 9y ago
You'd think Facebook's algorithms would prioritize your spouse, but you could use friend lists to make it do what you seem to want. You can add people to your "close friends" list and you'll get notified whenever they post. Also tends to put their posts in your feed more from what I can tell (based on the minimal amount that I use FB these days). https://www.facebook.com/help/598069963644156 https://www.facebook.com/help/598069963644156
BinaryIdiot 9y ago
Geeze, I had the EXACT same issue. I almost NEVER see stuff from my wife (even after I marked her stuff as something I want to see). I always see friends that I never interact with and their events that they're going to or all of the meme pages my friends like. But my wife's stuff? Not very much. I hate using Facebook. The only reason I haven't removed my account is because it's the only way to keep up with certain friends and family. I feel like I am forced to use it simply because there isn't anything better for them to broadcast on.
- oska 9y ago
  > The only reason I haven't removed my account is because it's the only way to keep up with certain friends and family. I'd suggest considering whether this is really true.
- kowdermeister 9y ago
  That's what the follow feature is for. You can get notified on ALL activity of a friend of you are willing to click two.
  - BinaryIdiot 9y ago
    All of my friends are set to follow. Seems like a default option.
    - kowdermeister 9y ago
      Yes, but there's a "see first" option and you can turn on notifications on activities: https://imgur.com/a/xZTQk https://imgur.com/a/xZTQk
TipVFL 9y ago
They've probably done testing and found that for some significant percentage of married couples, seeing their spouse's posts caused them to reduce their Facebook usage. So unhappy marriages are ruining it for everyone. I feel like the general trend of UI simplification and a/b testing everything has companies chasing after anything that will push their general metrics up in the short term, at the expense of slowly disenfranchising a large portion of their users. I interviewed at Netflix recently for a position on their UI team, and I questioned the interviewer about a lot of annoying aspects of the Netflix interface. He was aware of every complaint, and his explanation for every one of them was he wishes he could change it but the a/b testing shows they get higher engagement with it the way it is. So, for example, they show you movies you have already said you don't like, because enough people give a thumbs down and then later watch the movie. In the short term very few people are going to cancel Netflix because of this, but enough of these decisions in succession is erosive to customer goodwill. Personally, these kind of decisions wouldn't bother me that much if apps and websites made it easy to customize your experience. Facebook makes it difficult by opaquely shaping your newsfeed and giving you what seems like hundreds of options across a half dozen settings pages. Netflix makes it difficult by just giving you practically no options, but there's enough demand that's there a tiny industry in just making websites and plugins to make Netflix usable.
- throwaway2048 9y ago
  yes, a/b testing optimizes for an average user that dosent exist, and everyone is unhappy with.
  - hawktheslayer 9y ago
    Reminds me of the old tale of the man who drowned in a lake with an average depth of 3 feet.
  - aikinai 9y ago
    A/B doesn’t design for an average user; it can be all, a tiny niche, or something in between depending on what you’re measuring. For example, DAU and engagement will be affected by drastically different distributions of users.
jeffmould 9y ago
Can completely relate. The other annoying thing I have found is that FB will show posts that are outdated. For example, prior to replying here, I scrolled through my feed and over half the posts were from yesterday or two days ago. Even more frustrating is when those posts are from media outlets and contain outdated news or other articles of interest. I know the SOTU was last night, I don't need several posts from various media outlets trying to tell me where to watch. I know the problem is I don't engage often enough or with the content I want to see, but it would be nice if I could have more control over what content I see in my timeline without having to engage.
toomanybeersies 9y ago
Facebook's weighting there makes sense to me. Why do you need to see your misso's posts? You see her all the time. The posts I actually want to see on Facebook are from my friends that are far away. For me though, FB weights posts that are geographically closer to you higher. When I moved to Australia, I discovered through Facebook that I had 3 or 4 friends from high school here in Melbourne, purely because their posts started showing up on my newsfeed.

dkasper 9y ago

You'd think Facebook's algorithms would prioritize your spouse, but you could use friend lists to make it do what you seem to want. You can add people to your "close friends" list and you'll get notified whenever they post. Also tends to put their posts in your feed more from what I can tell (based on the minimal amount that I use FB these days). https://www.facebook.com/help/598069963644156 https://www.facebook.com/help/598069963644156

BinaryIdiot 9y ago

Geeze, I had the EXACT same issue. I almost NEVER see stuff from my wife (even after I marked her stuff as something I want to see). I always see friends that I never interact with and their events that they're going to or all of the meme pages my friends like. But my wife's stuff? Not very much. I hate using Facebook. The only reason I haven't removed my account is because it's the only way to keep up with certain friends and family. I feel like I am forced to use it simply because there isn't anything better for them to broadcast on.

oska 9y ago
> The only reason I haven't removed my account is because it's the only way to keep up with certain friends and family. I'd suggest considering whether this is really true.
kowdermeister 9y ago
That's what the follow feature is for. You can get notified on ALL activity of a friend of you are willing to click two.
- BinaryIdiot 9y ago
  All of my friends are set to follow. Seems like a default option.
  - kowdermeister 9y ago
    Yes, but there's a "see first" option and you can turn on notifications on activities: https://imgur.com/a/xZTQk https://imgur.com/a/xZTQk

TipVFL 9y ago

They've probably done testing and found that for some significant percentage of married couples, seeing their spouse's posts caused them to reduce their Facebook usage. So unhappy marriages are ruining it for everyone. I feel like the general trend of UI simplification and a/b testing everything has companies chasing after anything that will push their general metrics up in the short term, at the expense of slowly disenfranchising a large portion of their users. I interviewed at Netflix recently for a position on their UI team, and I questioned the interviewer about a lot of annoying aspects of the Netflix interface. He was aware of every complaint, and his explanation for every one of them was he wishes he could change it but the a/b testing shows they get higher engagement with it the way it is. So, for example, they show you movies you have already said you don't like, because enough people give a thumbs down and then later watch the movie. In the short term very few people are going to cancel Netflix because of this, but enough of these decisions in succession is erosive to customer goodwill. Personally, these kind of decisions wouldn't bother me that much if apps and websites made it easy to customize your experience. Facebook makes it difficult by opaquely shaping your newsfeed and giving you what seems like hundreds of options across a half dozen settings pages. Netflix makes it difficult by just giving you practically no options, but there's enough demand that's there a tiny industry in just making websites and plugins to make Netflix usable.

throwaway2048 9y ago
yes, a/b testing optimizes for an average user that dosent exist, and everyone is unhappy with.
- hawktheslayer 9y ago
  Reminds me of the old tale of the man who drowned in a lake with an average depth of 3 feet.
- aikinai 9y ago
  A/B doesn’t design for an average user; it can be all, a tiny niche, or something in between depending on what you’re measuring. For example, DAU and engagement will be affected by drastically different distributions of users.

jeffmould 9y ago

Can completely relate. The other annoying thing I have found is that FB will show posts that are outdated. For example, prior to replying here, I scrolled through my feed and over half the posts were from yesterday or two days ago. Even more frustrating is when those posts are from media outlets and contain outdated news or other articles of interest. I know the SOTU was last night, I don't need several posts from various media outlets trying to tell me where to watch. I know the problem is I don't engage often enough or with the content I want to see, but it would be nice if I could have more control over what content I see in my timeline without having to engage.

toomanybeersies 9y ago

Facebook's weighting there makes sense to me. Why do you need to see your misso's posts? You see her all the time. The posts I actually want to see on Facebook are from my friends that are far away. For me though, FB weights posts that are geographically closer to you higher. When I moved to Australia, I discovered through Facebook that I had 3 or 4 friends from high school here in Melbourne, purely because their posts started showing up on my newsfeed.