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> I guess I don't see how seeing people who are more successful than you on facebook could possibly be more distressing than seeing those people at work I thin

> I guess I don't see how seeing people who are more successful than you on facebook could possibly be more distressing than seeing those people at work I think you're hoping over a few categorical issues that create the social media dysthymia. It's not about seeing people who are more successful. It's not about "better" or "worse". It's about social regulation in formative egos. From your posts you are coming off like an aspergersy male adult engineer -- I'm one of those myself, so I mean that with love -- dealing in concrete world value from the perspective of a fully formed ego not used to internalizing the external. Equating the discontent with rational motives jealousy or envy or desire, instead of judgement and personal failings implicit in habitual social comparison. Fundamentally social media habits can create two major areas of discontent: comparing your behind-the-scenes life with other peoples highlights reels, and the comparability of the elevated personalities. To take your "boss" example: that's generally not someone I identify with deeply because my daddy wasn't as rich, and I didn't inherit the company, and blah blah blah. To our primate brains `bosses` tend to be `others` and not `us`. If that boss were your childhood buddy, OTOH, you'd have a different take on things... And that different take, and the implied reflection of being less than or worse than, that you would have with a familiar person having that role is what social media does with vacation pics and such. You're not seeing someone in another group, like someone famous, doing something fun. You're seeing someone in your group doing it, causing an implicit comparison. And this comparison is based on purpose-selected content made to project a happy image, is non-stop, asymmetrical, and always worst when you're at your lowest. These contexts and framings are fundamental to how marketing works on us, and are a shared facet of human representation of the world around them. What you're not getting here is what a 15 yo will feel like after 3 hours a day of staring at a crappy feed that you, and most people on HN, would find deadly boring. We're also old enough and self respecting enough to avoid that crap when/if it starts to hurt. I bet HN readers are highly active online and suspiciously inactive on social media...

lsc 9y ago
I... really enjoyed your comment. I'm drifting off, so I probably won't respond to all of it, but thanks. that was pretty insightful. >From your posts you are coming off like an aspergersy male adult engineer Yes, and even more so in that I've put myself in a world where I'm surrounded by people who (I believe) are even more aspergersy (if you are using the word how I think you are using it) than I am, which I actually really enjoy, but in many ways I'm very insulated (and comfortable) within my bubble. >To our primate brains `bosses` tend to be `others` and not `us This is one of those things that all the evidence points to being true; I mean, I read leadership books, and I read about how militaries are structured and I agree with you... but this doesn't feel true in my life. I don't feel like my boss is an 'other' and I didn't feel like my employees were others when I had employees[1]. I mean, unless it's a non-technical boss; the business side of the house is entirely "other" in my book. I can get along with those people okay, but yes, it's different. >You're not seeing someone in another group, like someone famous, doing something fun. You're seeing someone in your group doing it, causing an implicit comparison. Huh. But... I like it when people in my group succeed. I feel like I've put a lot of effort into getting into a group that values the things I value, and where most other people in that group are better at those things I value than I am. When those people succeed, it shows that my group is a strong group that can get things done. Also, more successful friends means more good job leads :) [1]of course, I don't think I was a particularly good boss... if you consider all business people to be "others" -- perhaps you should figure out how to change that before starting a business. but, I mean, I have been the boss, and while I was a weird boss, it wasn't unnatural to me, and perhaps more importantly, the idea of being the boss wasn't unnatural to me, it was just a job that it turns out that I'm not very good at.

lsc 9y ago

I... really enjoyed your comment. I'm drifting off, so I probably won't respond to all of it, but thanks. that was pretty insightful. >From your posts you are coming off like an aspergersy male adult engineer Yes, and even more so in that I've put myself in a world where I'm surrounded by people who (I believe) are even more aspergersy (if you are using the word how I think you are using it) than I am, which I actually really enjoy, but in many ways I'm very insulated (and comfortable) within my bubble. >To our primate brains `bosses` tend to be `others` and not `us This is one of those things that all the evidence points to being true; I mean, I read leadership books, and I read about how militaries are structured and I agree with you... but this doesn't feel true in my life. I don't feel like my boss is an 'other' and I didn't feel like my employees were others when I had employees[1]. I mean, unless it's a non-technical boss; the business side of the house is entirely "other" in my book. I can get along with those people okay, but yes, it's different. >You're not seeing someone in another group, like someone famous, doing something fun. You're seeing someone in your group doing it, causing an implicit comparison. Huh. But... I like it when people in my group succeed. I feel like I've put a lot of effort into getting into a group that values the things I value, and where most other people in that group are better at those things I value than I am. When those people succeed, it shows that my group is a strong group that can get things done. Also, more successful friends means more good job leads :) [1]of course, I don't think I was a particularly good boss... if you consider all business people to be "others" -- perhaps you should figure out how to change that before starting a business. but, I mean, I have been the boss, and while I was a weird boss, it wasn't unnatural to me, and perhaps more importantly, the idea of being the boss wasn't unnatural to me, it was just a job that it turns out that I'm not very good at.