Hmm. I didn't understand that they had such crosses to bear at the time. I just knew that they were acting irrationally. If they were rational, then remaining c

Hmm. I didn't understand that they had such crosses to bear at the time. I just knew that they were acting irrationally. If they were rational, then remaining calm would have worked. It didn't, so I needed a different approach. I didn't work out until later that they had PDs and what that meant. Nobody can know that another person has a PD until a pattern of interactions makes it clear. Also, as you can see further down in the comments to your parent, iterating in that direction leaves the impression that you're being an armchair psychologist. I think it's important to retain the aspect of the narrative that you didn't know what situation you were in when you were dealing with it.