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As a manager, you're absolutely responsible for your team member's feelings. Both morally and practically because if they feel bad at work, they'll leave.

by tlb 9y ago

deleted 9y ago
[deleted]
autogn0me 9y ago
I disagree. You are responsible for YOURSELF. If you are being ugly or talking shit - you are responsible for your actions. Saying "you are absolutely responsible for someone else's feelings" is the bat-ass craziest thing I have ever heard [It is not lost on me that I'm making a snarky comment in this thread ;)]. An example: I am talking to someone and make a comment that the other person interprets as threatening or demeaning. They do not ask me about it but they play a narrative inside their mind about how I am threatening them. This is some fictional narrative in their mind. I have no clue this is happening. How could I be responsible for this? It is in their mind. It is incumbent on the person who feels awkward to ask for clarification. This is not "extra work" or forcing the down-trodden to work harder - it is clarity. We do it all the time in conversation. "I'm sorry, but when you say X are you meaning Y?" And you give the person a chance to clear it up. Now. Where the adulting comes off the track appears to be in the hyper-Ayn-Randian culture of technology/start-ups where people who are incredibly self-centered feel they can "vent" in the open and expect others to "deal with it". This is absolutely unacceptable. And most people who act this way - are usually so self-centered - they dont KNOW they are acting this way. It is unacceptable but when you ask then "did you mean X?" it gives them some space to be clear. If they really did mean to threaten, demean and provoke someone else -- they will be clear they DID intend for that to be case. But they had an opportunity to be clear about it. Narcissism is rampant in start-up scene (imho). Likely its just on the rise in general in USA population. One of the things that is great about a narcissist is that THEY WILL OFTEN TELL YOU THEY ARE A NARCISSIST! (google, how to find out if someone is a narcissist) They are quite proud of their eliteness and expectation to entitlements. When you ask them for clarity -- they will be clear. And that is when there is no need to have some fictional narrative being built in your mind -- you will KNOW for sure because you have asked them and they have told you. Regardless. Be clear. And most importantly -- if you HEAR someone asking for clarification -- give them positive feedback. Clear, kind, and even tempered rational communication is what we need more of in the world and less reactivity.
- dang 9y ago
  This comment breaks the site guidelines in lots of ways: name-calling, snark, using uppercase for emphasis. You can't comment like that anywhere on HN, and certainly not in this thread which was bound to teeter on the abyss from the beginning. Please read https://news.ycombinator.com/newsguidelines.html https://news.ycombinator.com/newsguidelines.html and do a better job of following them.

As a manager, you're absolutely responsible for your team member's feelings. Both morally and practically because if they feel bad at work, they'll leave.

by tlb 9y ago

As a manager, you're absolutely responsible for your team member's feelings. Both morally and practically because if they feel bad at work, they'll leave.

deleted 9y ago

[deleted]

autogn0me 9y ago

I disagree. You are responsible for YOURSELF. If you are being ugly or talking shit - you are responsible for your actions. Saying "you are absolutely responsible for someone else's feelings" is the bat-ass craziest thing I have ever heard [It is not lost on me that I'm making a snarky comment in this thread ;)]. An example: I am talking to someone and make a comment that the other person interprets as threatening or demeaning. They do not ask me about it but they play a narrative inside their mind about how I am threatening them. This is some fictional narrative in their mind. I have no clue this is happening. How could I be responsible for this? It is in their mind. It is incumbent on the person who feels awkward to ask for clarification. This is not "extra work" or forcing the down-trodden to work harder - it is clarity. We do it all the time in conversation. "I'm sorry, but when you say X are you meaning Y?" And you give the person a chance to clear it up. Now. Where the adulting comes off the track appears to be in the hyper-Ayn-Randian culture of technology/start-ups where people who are incredibly self-centered feel they can "vent" in the open and expect others to "deal with it". This is absolutely unacceptable. And most people who act this way - are usually so self-centered - they dont KNOW they are acting this way. It is unacceptable but when you ask then "did you mean X?" it gives them some space to be clear. If they really did mean to threaten, demean and provoke someone else -- they will be clear they DID intend for that to be case. But they had an opportunity to be clear about it. Narcissism is rampant in start-up scene (imho). Likely its just on the rise in general in USA population. One of the things that is great about a narcissist is that THEY WILL OFTEN TELL YOU THEY ARE A NARCISSIST! (google, how to find out if someone is a narcissist) They are quite proud of their eliteness and expectation to entitlements. When you ask them for clarity -- they will be clear. And that is when there is no need to have some fictional narrative being built in your mind -- you will KNOW for sure because you have asked them and they have told you. Regardless. Be clear. And most importantly -- if you HEAR someone asking for clarification -- give them positive feedback. Clear, kind, and even tempered rational communication is what we need more of in the world and less reactivity.

dang 9y ago
This comment breaks the site guidelines in lots of ways: name-calling, snark, using uppercase for emphasis. You can't comment like that anywhere on HN, and certainly not in this thread which was bound to teeter on the abyss from the beginning. Please read https://news.ycombinator.com/newsguidelines.html https://news.ycombinator.com/newsguidelines.html and do a better job of following them.