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I've had similar problems in past relationships - for some of my partners, if they were anywhere within earshot of me, I could not get anything productive done.

by GuiA 9y ago

I've had similar problems in past relationships - for some of my partners, if they were anywhere within earshot of me, I could not get anything productive done. The mere feeling of their presence made me think of them, feel like I had to interact with them, etc.. The partners with whom this did not happen were people who were as, if not more, driven than me when it came to working on side projects. They might be 3 feet away from me, but they're so deeply focused on what they're doing that it's contagious. It's hard to retroactively put into words, but the reality is that for some partners, any presence of theirs distracted me whereas others were so good at behaving as if they were alone that it made me believe that I was alone as well. My take is that some people, even if you really like them in many ways, are just not great for you to be around. (It is worth noting that I have a hard time focusing in general.)

Swizec 9y ago
> I've had similar problems in past relationships - for some of my partners, if they were anywhere within earshot of me, I could not get anything productive done. The mere feeling of their presence made me think of them, feel like I had to interact with them, etc.. This happens to me a lot. I have found 3 things are key to solving the problem: 1) Having an honest conversation with your Person about interacting with you during work hours. When you're working you do not exist. Eventually they get the hang of it and leave you be. 2) Noise cancelling headphones or some other form of controlling the soundscape around you. I find music helps me ignore distracting things happening around me. 3) A physical space dedicated to working. This helps both from building healthy habits and tricking your brain into work mode and from signaling to people around you that you are now working and are not to be disturbed unless you come out and interact first. The part I have yet to figure out and probably never will is how to translate these habits into the day job office. Coworkers have a hard time understanding the idea of "leave you alone" because part of the job is to be available for questions and teamwork. Can't have it all I guess. Also, I have found this to be an issue more when I'm writing than when I'm coding and mostly just when I'm getting started. Once I'm in the flow you could set off a bomb near me and even if I did notice I'd just get right back to it.

by GuiA 9y ago

Swizec 9y ago

> I've had similar problems in past relationships - for some of my partners, if they were anywhere within earshot of me, I could not get anything productive done. The mere feeling of their presence made me think of them, feel like I had to interact with them, etc.. This happens to me a lot. I have found 3 things are key to solving the problem: 1) Having an honest conversation with your Person about interacting with you during work hours. When you're working you do not exist. Eventually they get the hang of it and leave you be. 2) Noise cancelling headphones or some other form of controlling the soundscape around you. I find music helps me ignore distracting things happening around me. 3) A physical space dedicated to working. This helps both from building healthy habits and tricking your brain into work mode and from signaling to people around you that you are now working and are not to be disturbed unless you come out and interact first. The part I have yet to figure out and probably never will is how to translate these habits into the day job office. Coworkers have a hard time understanding the idea of "leave you alone" because part of the job is to be available for questions and teamwork. Can't have it all I guess. Also, I have found this to be an issue more when I'm writing than when I'm coding and mostly just when I'm getting started. Once I'm in the flow you could set off a bomb near me and even if I did notice I'd just get right back to it.