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Ask HN: What influenced your personal growth the most?
- segmondy 9y agoA growth mindset. Knowing that it's possible for me to grow and be better if I applied myself.
- tastyham 9y agoLuck
- IMTDb 9y agoSide projects
- zzenon 9y agoStoicism Philosophy
- deleted 9y ago[deleted]
- kramer1416 9y agoCould you elaborate a little?
- nwenzel 9y agoGetting older, getting married, having kids, living in different parts of the country in different types of cities. Basically anything new gives you a broader perspective.
- enkiv2 9y agoAbout ten years ago, after my grandmother died, I got really into Robert Anton Wilson. That sort of set the trajectory for the rest of my life. While I think RAW was wrong about a lot of things, the meta-lesson of erring on the side of agnosis -- trusting that, when the world doesn't behave in line with your expectations (and often even when it does) it's because of unknown unknowns, and that the world is stranger and more complex than any of us can imagine -- has helped me a lot. It's helped me rein in my control-freak nature, deal in healthier ways with unexpected events, and get rid of some of my ego-based fixations on particular mental models that don't survive collision with reality.
- danr4 9y agoThis is not the first time I see a RAW reference when it comes to personal growth/mental health. But he has written so much. What should I start with and how should I continue?
- dx7tnt 9y agoHis whole canon fits together somewhat, in that he refreshes and repeats ideas throughout his writing career, which means that you can almost jump in anywhere and pick up the thread. I'd recommend "Prometheus Rising" and "Quantum Psychology" as a good place to start. Also, don't be put off by his use of the word 'illuminati' in his work - he started that whole joke.
- enkiv2 9y agoYeah, Prometheus Rising is a good starting-point for sure. His work can be usefully classified into three categories: loose essay collections, fiction, and conventionally-structured non-fiction. Prometheus Rising & Quantum Psychology are the closest to conventionally-structured non-fiction (though they both flirt with the loose-essay-collection format) and so, for new readers coming at it from a self-help perspective, they're less off-putting. In particular, Prometheus Rising does a pretty good job of explaining RAW's 8-circuit model (which was also helpful for my emotional self-regulation) in an accessible way -- showing its origins as a doctoral thesis reworked into a textbook. Of course, almost everybody starts with the Illuminatus! trilogy (and so did I). This isn't necessarily a good idea. There's been at least one casualty from somebody starting with the Illuminatus! trilogy and missing the point (documented in The Cuckoo's Egg), though I guess you can blame cocaine and soviet espionage in that case!
- dx7tnt 9y agoI can't agree more with this. Robert Anton Wilson's books are extremely readable, entertaining, and will definitely help you see a new perspective. For programmers and tech people I'd recommend RAW above Godel, Escher, Bach, for example. One of his many intriguing ideas, borrowed from Alfred Korzybski, is that "The Map is Not the Territory". Always know that whatever map or idea you have is only ever, at best, a fragmentary and limited version of whatever in the objective world it's meant to represent. Kudos.
- superasn 9y agoI think sticking to things I start has contributed the most personal growth for me. I think for anything to have any effect on you, you have to stick with it for at least 6 months or more (though it definitely depends on each activity). In the last 2 years I have been able to lose 8kgs, increase my business, cure my chronic backache and become a lot happier using this one trick of sticking to things daily without fail. One thing that has helped me tremendously to keep at it daily is a simple Google Sheet in which I put my progress daily and it gives me a "X days streak" using a formula (let me know if you want the template). After a month when I have a 30 day streak it makes me more and more committed to follow through and I rarely break my streaks. P.S. The only thing which this never worked is sleeping at 10 <strike>a.m</strike>p.m. Can't even get a 2 day streak. I guess nothing works for that :D
- Kiro 9y agoReminds me of Jerry Seinfeld's method "Don't Break the Chain".
- Fabled 9y agoI don't think it's always best to stick to it blindly. You start shifting your perspective from "I want to achieve my goal" to "I don't want to break the chain" and if you falter once you feel weak and worthless, and quit completely altogether. You just have to constantly remind yourself why you are doing this, know that repetition is the key and it's OK to miss some days here and there.
- duopixel 9y agoI use a similar technique [1] and I’ve also yielded great results from it, but my goals tend to be more progressive. Everything that you do better than yesterday is streak, so if your aim is going to bed at 10am (why!?) the streak is what takes you closer to it. [1] https://medium.com/@duopixel/the-qualified-self-7f69c6b23623 https://medium.com/@duopixel/the-qualified-self-7f69c6b23623
- majewsky 9y ago> The only thing which this never worked is sleeping at 10 a.m. Do you mean "at 10 PM", or "until 10 AM", or do you just have a bizarre biorhythm?
- itengelhardt 9y agoI'd have to say mostly sweets and cakes ;-)
- wastedhours 9y agoWorking in "edge" roles. I've always been the "digital" expert in teams I've worked in, and doing so has meant I've been partly responsible for building up organisational knowledge on all kinds of things that (as far as the org is concerned) have never existed before. Now that "digital" is baked into most marketeer's roles, I'm looking for the next frontier to build across. Probably AR or machine learning. My personal remit has always been to make myself redundant, it's always pushed me to explore the novel and build out the next set of skills to make myself relevant when my current "edge" becomes the norm.
- emalquier 9y agothe books I read, the TED talks I watched and the people I met!
- EarthIsHome 9y agoReading. I used to tell myself that I loved to read, but I never read any books. It was a feel-good saying I told myself because everyone likes to think they love to read. The past few years, I started to actually read. I've fallen in love with reading. The world is more open, my critical analysis is stronger, and my school and engineering work has improved. Overall, I have a much happier disposition than before I read. I don't know whether to attribute this change to reading or maturing; it's probably a mix of both. However, I think I really enjoy reading now because I select works that I consider well-written. This single characteristic, reading something that is well-written, has changed my outlook on reading. There is some incredible writing out there, and I wish I started reading these pieces when I was younger. > A reader lives a thousand lives before he dies... The man who never reads lives only one. > > - George R.R. Martin Edit for parallelism.
- Amorymeltzer 9y agoAlso from Martin: >[A] mind needs books as a sword needs a whetstone, if it is to keep its edge.
- davidscolgan 9y agoStrongly agree. Something that really helped me was to start listening to audiobooks. It made reading something that required just a little less effort, and so it was easier to do it more often. And I can listen at times when I can't read, like driving or walking.
- snausages 9y agoWhat types of books have you read that you've found helped the most with your critical faculties and such? This year I've finally got around to Infinite Jest. I don't know that I'm enjoying the book itself so much as I enjoy the mental exercise that I get from its reading, if any of that makes sense.
- EarthIsHome 9y ago> What types of books have you read that you've found helped the most with your critical faculties and such? In this area, I feel I've learned the most from reading commentary in the New Yorker. For enjoyment, I've read: * Stories of Your Life and Others by Chiang * The Odyssey translated by Emily Wilson * What The F by Bergen * Blindsight by Watts
- skohan 9y agoA few different things: - Growing up with a maker dad and an artist mom. I would routinely come home from school and my Dad would be doing something like building a robot mouse trap with an IR tripwire, and my mom would be on the phone working connections to get a radio interview to talk about a new project. Nothing seemed out of bounds or too hard to try doing yourself. - Studying music, and learning that nothing is objectively difficult, just relatively unfamiliar. Learning that any skill is attainable through the right kind of practice. - Joining a 2-person start up and growing with it through to an exit. Learning there's no magic to a successful company or project, it's about solving a series of practical problems like anything else.
- m_fayer 9y agoRepeatedly taking jobs outside of my "core competency". Perspective taking.
- majewsky 9y agoLuck. I was going to reply with a personality trait, but let's be honest, 90%+ of every success story is plain luck.
- deadmetheny 9y agoSeconding this. I was in a bad rut for many years after college, not making much money or much of myself in general, before a friend told me about a job opening at his company within my wheelhouse. So after getting that job and having a few side-projects go well, I got myself back on-track and living the sort of life I had been hoping for. To a certain degree you can make your own luck, but sometimes you really do just need good old fashioned random good luck to get on track.
- yesenadam 9y agoBut the question was about personal growth. Bad luck more usually triggers/catalyzes personal growth, doesn't it? Makes you think, reassess.. So maybe it's luck to have so much bad luck. (Read the stories of the wisest, greatest, most..personally-grown - the most embiggened - they've had more than their share of bad luck.)
- majewsky 9y agoYou're suffering from survivorship bias. When you think about "bad luck", you seem to be thinking about minor mishaps (along the lines of "what doesn't kill me makes me stronger"). However, consider the huge number of people which are literally killed by bad luck (along the lines of "being born in a poor country with ongoing civil war/without potable water/without enough food"). Or, less drastically, think about those who are born into relatively poor families, are thus never properly nurtured (because their parents are too busy earning money to feed them etc.) and fail to realize their potential. For example, going back to the original question, one huge factor of my early personal growth was that I had relatively wealthy and caring parents who could afford to send me to a good school, to music lessons etc., and who pushed me to realize my potential. Being born to such parents is sheer luck. All the other important people that I met in my life, that's luck, too. (At least by Occam's Razor. I obviously cannot know how my life would've looked if I had taken a different path.)
- i_feel_great 9y agoThe end of a horrible relationship. I got so much more time to do things for myself.
- zmoreira 9y ago4 months of mandatory training in the Portuguese Army.
- hdkrgr 9y agoLiving abroad for extended period(s) of time.
- codemati 9y agoCan you elaborate? For pleasure or for work? How long?
- hdkrgr 9y agoMy first experience was spending a year abroad in High School when I was 15. (Classical exchange program managed by one of the big non-profit orgs.) So I lived with a host family and was fully immersed in my host country's culture. I kind of consider that experience the beginning of my conscious development of my own personality. Completely changing your point of view and starting off as an outsider in almost every situation (language barriers + cultural norms) really makes you reconsider so many details of things you always took for granted. I'd say you learn more about your own culture and country than about the host country. After that you will just naturally acknowledge that lots of things are arbitrary rather than god-given. This in turn I believe leads to the next step of realization that you can design and shape things rather than having to accept the status-quo as is. After that I first got involved as a volunteer in my exchange organization, and later lived abroad two more times (in university and for work) while also naturally surrounding myself with people who had similar 'changes of perspective' in my social life. I find that those people are generally extremely curious, open, driven and generally inspiring.
- skohan 9y agoThis for me too. You can't really understand the influences your culture has on you until you try to have a life in a different one.
- Mo3 9y agoMeditation
- sebastianconcpt 9y agoKnowing about the Conspicupus Signalling Theory (Geoffrey Miller's book). Understanding how flirting really works with Dan Bacon's The Flow. Meditation and going beyond materialism by experiencing many lucid OBEs. Jordan Peterson in general and self authoring in special. Understanding how poisonus Postmodernism is (Stephen Hicks book). Understanding how the Cultural War works (a global issue). Becoming a socratic method aficionado. Having a financially independent friend to become my financial mentor.
- deleted 9y ago[deleted]
- stef25 9y agoNot 100% convinced about it, but I wanted to say: that I stopped smoking pot. Told myself well in advance that I'd quit 11 months in to my girlfriend's pregnancy (EDIT - obviously the residual effects are still there. I quit 8 months in to her pregnancy. This is what drugs do, kids.) Since then (now almost a year later) my ability to comprehend and concentrate on technical things has improved a lot. I've learn things in web development that I just couldn't back then. Probably due to the fact I was a daily smoker for almost 20 years.
- audiolion 9y ago11 months into the pregnancy you quit? isnt 9 months the usual gestation period?
- mrfusion 9y agoReminds me of this: https://xkcd.com/1530/ https://xkcd.com/1530/ (But maybe with a seal or llama)
- knur 9y agoIt's actually 10 months (40 weeks). I don't know where the 9 months myth came from since I also believed on it. I just learned recently with my first baby.
- TheSpiceIsLife 9y agoOnly February contains exactly four weeks (28 days), and only in non-leap years. The average month 4.345 weeks: 365 / 7 = 52.142 / 12 = 4.345 Therefore: 10 months * 4.345 = 43.45 weeks 9 months * 4.345 = 39.105 week Neither is 40 weeks. And anyway, 40 weeks is only an approximation as it is common for births to occur from 37 to 42 weeks from the first day of the woman's last menstrual period.
- danesparza 9y agoFirst: props for stopping smoking pot. Next ... 11 months in to your girlfriends pregnancy? How does that work exactly (since full term is usually 9 months)?
- hydandata 9y agoWithout an inkling of doubt, Richard W. Hamming lectures and the book based on them “The Art of Doing Science and Engineering, Learning to Learn”. Nothing has had a greater impact on me.
- cvaidya1986 9y agoMeditation, continuous learning by doing and listening to quality people and creative endeavors.
- danesparza 9y agoMarriage, parenting, bankruptcy & then learning proper financial management from Dave Ramsey, almost getting a divorce and then going to marriage counseling, OA & other 12 step groups, reading the entire Bible, leaning into hobbies (like learning electronics, learning guitar), home ownership. Whew. Wow. I'm surprised I'm still alive!
- scirocco 9y agoExercise, and books. To name a few (in no particular order): "Choose Yourself" by James Altucher "Think and Grow Rich" by Napoleon Hill "Mindset" by Carol Dweck "How to Win Friends and Influence People" by Dale Carnegie
- lolive 9y agoStreet photography. This is a very relaxing activity, where your brain is at rest while observing the world and walking. Good things that happened to me: I travelled in all the region to diversify my pictures. I bought the books of master photographs to learn their technics, so I can now "read" a picture. And of course I watched a lot of photos on the internet to diversify my tastes. Now that I have reached a level that I am proud of, I praise that hobby very much.
- mitsubishi77 9y agoWould you mind sharing which books?
- lolive 9y agoA few names come to mind: Josef Koudelka, Henri Cartier Bresson, Greg Girard, Masahisa Fukase, Sergio Larrain, Jean Dieuzaide, Hiroshi Sugimoto, Brett Weston, Kourtney Roy, Franco Fontana. Searching those names on Google is already a journey by itself.
- TeMPOraL 9y agoAs a kid / young teenager - Star Trek, particularly The Next Generation. The hopeful, utopian world valuing high moral standards, teamwork and competency, the world that assumed organizations are good and efficient unless proven otherwise - this world colored my worldview and still determines the kind of world I'd like to see, and hence what I want to build towards. As a young adult - LessWrong Sequences. A lot of the topics covered were something I was thinking about myself, so I kind of got halfway to the same answers independently, but beyond that, they helped me clarify and sharpen my thinking about the world. Beyond that, I had lots of smaller influences. "Getting Things Done" shaped my thinking about productivity. Writings of Joel Spolsky and Paul Graham made me discover Lisp and Emacs, which subsequently reshaped a lot about how I approach programming. Helping set up and then run a Hackerspace taught me much about interacting with (and trying to coordinate) a group of smart and skilled people. And then HN contributed a lot to broadening my worldview too.
- julox 9y agotrack all my habits. It allowed me to become aware of all the important habits I'm doing in a day, to see the historical data and to select ones and discard others.
- deleted 9y ago[deleted]
- uoaei 9y agoPsychedelic mushrooms, specifically Psilocybe *. Losing that ego-based view of the world and realizing the interconnectedness of all things, and feeling that connection at the deepest levels of your psyche, does wonders for eliminating the adversarial individualism that I feel generates a lot of issues when enacted in all participants of society. Before, I had (and admittedly still have) some aspects of my self that, when acting through them, generate much undue stress in interpersonal relationships. I've never been particularly social and psychedelics have helped me simultaneously empathize with my fellow participants and remove the stupid anxieties related to others' view of you. "L'enfer, c'est les autres" is still very much a part of my outlook but approaching this mentality from both sides (ego-centric and ego-dissolved) has made abundantly clear how to manage these anxieties, even if I still get caught up in them sometimes, leading to destructive behavior. All interactions are social, and embedded in the expectations and habits of human participants. At work, in romance, in family, and between friends, understanding what is meaningful and mutually beneficial interaction is essential for long-term happiness as a part of society. --- A second thing that has helped a lot has been living abroad in very colorful and international communities. The vast array of perspectives and norms gives you a wider understanding and a deep empathy for how people can grow up in flawed societies and how to approach the fostering of your own to overcome those flaws.
- overcast 9y agoI don't advocate drugs in any form, but everyone should experience hallucinogens at some point in their life. It will change your life, for the better.
- datpuz 9y agoNot everyone* People with some personality and mood disorders can really be thrown off by psychedelic experiences. A lot of people really struggle to attain stability and control in their lives, and I'm not sure they are good candidates for people who should have their entire reality pulled out from under them.
- uoaei 9y ago
- stevenkovar 9y agoSleep, diet, exercise, and a means to reflect. Sleep: I think we undervalue the importance of sleep. This is the time when your body gets to improve itself. Without good sleep, your diet and exercise will be much less effective. Diet: Your mental and physical well being is a rolling average of the things you eat. Cheat days are fine; cheat weeks are not. As long as your diet is always trending in the right direction, you'll find life becomes a little easier to manage at an increasing rate. Exercise: I hardly do it for physical reasons (though they are very positive), but instead for chemical reasons. Exercise is very important for your brain, and to flush toxins. I play soccer and lift weights, but you might find something else that you enjoy. The important thing—for me—is that it's something you can get into a "flow" with, that feels almost meditative. Reflect: Whether you do a 5-minute journal, transcendental meditation, 'Getting Thing Done', or whatever system is popular today... it's important to find where your next 2% improvement will come from. Life is just a series of these steps that push you forward, 2% at a time. Don't forget to play, either. That's half the human experience (and the source of a lot of creativity).
- SeeDave 9y ago>Diet: Your mental and physical well being is a rolling average of the things you eat. Cheat days are fine; cheat weeks are not. As long as your diet is always trending in the right direction, you'll find life becomes a little easier to manage at an increasing rate. You're totally right, and would like to stress that you get 1000 meals a year. I prefer to think of "cheat meals" rather than "cheat days" so... splurging once in a while isn't always a bad thing.
- skellera 9y agoThe biggest thing that exercise gives me is the ability to be comfortable with being uncomfortable. That last rep sucks so bad sometimes but you push through which also gives a sense of accomplishment. I would always give up quickly if things got hard in any part of my life. Pretty much just run away from my responsibilities because I hated feeling bad or stressed. Working out has indirectly made me more comfortable in those situations because it's okay to feel pain (emotional or physical) sometimes. Because of that, I've learned to just get things done with ASAP and, in the end, it's much less total pain.
- twobyfour 9y agoSeveral years working freelance. Gave me the freedom to arrange my schedule to allow time for thought and introspection.
- southcarolina68 9y agoAmazing
- twobyfour 9y agoIs that sarcasm?
- declancostello 9y agoStarting therapy. It's been amazing to help overcome anxiety that was holding me back for years.
- reboog711 9y agoBurning out and quitting my job with no plan. Through word of mouth / networking I got a few consulting gigs and things snowballed and I've been doing that for 18 years. When dealing with short-term clients you learn how to swallow your ego and get things things. While I can guide/direct on the best approach or technology, the final decision isn't always mine, and I morph to the demands of the person signing my checks. Also learned a lot about communication, marketing, negotiations, finance, legal, and sales.
- Radim 9y agoThis! Except without the burn out, and I'd move "sales" from last to first. Looking back, being more involved in B2B sales (aka straight on the battle lines) has been absolutely instrumental for my growth. There's this stereotype (true for me) that us techies need to get better at listening to people, spotting and reconciling conflicting interests, motives and objections. Finding common grounds. An increase in empathy, balanced by a scary loss of ego. Do words like "business value" and "process" sound like pointy-haired mumbo-jumbo? They did to me, a decade ago. There's nothing like your livelihood on the line to give self-improvement a little urgency.
- jackgolding 9y agoI want to try this sometime (working in sales) for the same reason
- privethedge 9y agoScepticism.
- ukulele 9y agoI very much doubt that.
- privethedge 9y agoI doubt that you doubt it.
- fruzz 9y agoMost of my growth has been emotional. When I moved out from my parents place, I was pretty emotionally stunted, equivalent to a 13 year old. I was repeating the cycle of violence that I had experienced at home, displaying anger in the same abusive ways that I had known. At the same time, I was on the receiving end of a physically abusive relationship; not liking it, but not thinking I could do anything. It was just a continuation. I had pretty awful views on women and minorities as well, despite thinking of myself as progressive. I wish I could say that I realized this and worked on it. I didn't. It took my ex-boyfriend to stand up to me. It took us seeking couple's therapy together. Only then did I start to open my eyes, and pro-actively work on my own shit. I've seen multiple therapists since. I've recognized how past trauma lives in my everyday, and how to manage it. I've grown tremendously and past what my parents will ever be capable of. So what influenced my personal growth the most? That boyfriend who said no, what you're doing is wrong, and I won't let you do it. And the many times he had to say it to make it stick.
- tammer 9y agoLeadership training. I always thought "leadership" was a nebulous concept that you achieved solely through experience. I later learned that there is an entire curriculum of exercises and reflections one can do to improve their desire and ability to step up.
- elt0r0 9y agoDo you have recommendations or specifics?
- tammer 9y agoSpecifically I went through a rapid phase of personal development at the People's Action weeklong immersion training[1] (and am pursing becoming a trainer myself). Although of course this is non-tech related & there are likely other resources for this type of curriculum. Certainly worth seeking out. [1]: https://peoplesaction.org/institute/ https://peoplesaction.org/institute/
- subcosmos 9y agoTwo weeks after earning a PhD in medical research, I was driving down the highway and saw a terrible accident right in front of me. I pulled over and attended to an unconscious man in a crushed vehicle. Myself and several other good Samaritans tried to resuscitate him, but failed. It was fathers day. I would later find out he was about 40 with two kids. Way too young. For a time I blamed myself for not being a "real doctor", and I developed PTSD and alcoholism. Years later however, what emerged from that pain was a medical research nonprofit that applies genomics and digital health to hopefully extend the most lives. It's my only passion, really. Sometimes we create the most amazing things by responding to terrible tragedies. It has taken me 4 years to see the silver lining in that scenario.
- mod 9y agoI was once a certified lifeguard & first responder, and pulled a man from a river during a vacation. He had been underwater several minutes (the man couldn't swim), as he could not be seen--the water was murky & visibility was < 12 inches. He was not lifeless, as he vomited after rescue, but we was not resuscitated and died on the scene. It's been about 12 years now, I think. I made some mistakes which I think could have been avoided. Not the mistake of standing by, but I didn't keep my training at the front of my brain. Namely, I did not ensure 911 was called before we found the body, and I did not spend a few seconds trying to recruit more people to look for the body. Both of those may have saved his life, it's hard to say. I haven't found a silver lining, and I don't expect to. I simply hope that I can perform better in the event that such a thing happens again.
- joslin01 9y agoProbably breaking up with my 5yr girlfriend at ~26
- teacpde 9y agoIt resonates with me. I thought I knew what is love and I was doing it alright, I was wrong. It changed my understanding of relationship. Looking back I really appreciate it.
- deleted 9y ago[deleted]
- icc97 9y agoRowing for 3 years and rowing coaching for 2 years after that. Turned a skinny geek into a less skinny geek with a girlfriend. The skill of rowing is very well suited to geeks. The confidence I generated from rowing stayed with me, for decades now. Doesn't mean I'm that confident, but pretty much all the confidence I do have comes from that intense period.
- busterarm 9y agoConversations with a very supportive close friend who was finishing school and starting the career that I wanted. That along with reading this site years ago. After enough conversations I started to realize that I knew this stuff already, that my instincts were right and that I could make a career out of development. I had and sometimes continue to have pretty significant self-esteem issues that held/hold me back. I was finally motivated out of earning a low wage and taking a big risk on switching careers. So after the first time taking risks and going after the hardest challenge I could find, I've repeated that process and it pays off every time. I've doubled my income about three times since then, have grown up quite a bit and can finally say that I'm approaching a happy place in my life.
- dijit 9y agoProbably being accused of an incredible crime when I was a teenager. Backstory: I'm nobodies favourite person. Especially in school; I was very poor, smelled like cigarrettes and quite awkward to be around in general, I don't blame anyone for any of the bullying but one thing affected me more than everything else. I don't want to go into detail about what rumour ended up burning my world down, but it was enough that the mere mention of it got me expelled and a police investigation was headed up against me. Obviously, that investigation was fruitless as it was just rumours, however, it took nearly a year and I missed my GCSE exams (Without which you can't get a job essentially) by this point and there was no way another school would touch me. Being accused like that, being treated like that, it broke me. I thought I was the lowest rung of society already, but how people acted after that rumour was spread, how even when I was proven innocent the police still had obvious disgust when looking at me. It taught me that no matter your circumstances it can be worse. People knew nothing of me but were glad to accept that I was a demon and they would not be dissuaded. It meant that preconceived notions are hard to sway and charisma and charm are the only currency that truly matter. That arrest is still on my record and when I attempted to visit Canada recently it was flagged as a reason to deny me entry if I didn't submit proof that I was not convicted. I am a different person today, being broken down like that meant I had to reassemble myself into a person I wanted to be. Being cast aside meant I lost my roots and could go anywhere (well, not Canada :P), learn anything, be anyone. I invented myself out of that, to the person I would prefer to be.
- snow_mac 9y agoIn 2017, I starting going to therapy to deal with depression and anxiety. I also started working out at a local gym and lost 35 pounds. I'm able to cope with my depression and anxiety much better.
- baconomatic 9y agoAfter having my first child and deciding I want my kids (and to a lesser extent me) to be proud of what I've done with my life.
- JoshMnem 9y agoI did a lot of "naked* into the wilderness"-style survival training when I was younger. It showed me that I could reach what I thought were my absolute limits of physical and mental exhaustion, and then push far past them. It changed me from someone who frequently gave up to someone who doesn't give up. This school[1] is a good place to start (though I haven't been there since the 1990s). I highly recommend this kind of wilderness training. [1] https://www.boss-inc.com/ https://www.boss-inc.com/ * not literally naked, but meaning that the goal is to remove the equipment-lifeline back to society. No gear is allowed except what you create yourself (stone knives, brain-tanned deer hide, etc.).
- DoreenMichele 9y agoNot too long ago, I read a piece indicating that growth is held back by our strengths, not our weaknesses. I have consistently been willing to abandon my strengths and put myself in situations outside my comfort zone. This has been a tremendous source of personal growth. For example, I lived in the same house from age 3 to adulthood. I graduated high school with some of the same people I had gone to kindergarten with. I couldn't go anywhere in town without running into people I knew. Then I became a military spouse and moved elsewhere. I knew no one and the town was utterly unfamiliar and nothing worked like I thought it would. Such experiences cast a lot of light on unstated assumptions, why what works for one person may not work for another, etc.
- shubhamjain 9y ago> Not too long ago, I read a piece indicating that growth is held back by our strengths, not our weaknesses. Can you share us that article?
- DoreenMichele 9y agohttps://www.ribbonfarm.com/2009/10/07/the-gervais-principle-or-the-office-according-to-the-office/ https://www.ribbonfarm.com/2009/10/07/the-gervais-principle-... Specifically this section: https://www.ribbonfarm.com/2010/04/14/the-gervais-principle-iii-the-curse-of-development/ https://www.ribbonfarm.com/2010/04/14/the-gervais-principle-... Your development is arrested by your strengths, not your weaknesses. Arrested-development behavior is caused by a strength-based addiction
- aalleavitch 9y agoThe internet.
- mathattack 9y agoA string of good mentors at companies where this was a valued activity. (Though it left me wholly unprepared at places where that’s not the norm)
- Parcissons 9y agoI started accepting that im not a machine to be optimised and a human- stopped reading growth articles, said no to drugs and other chemical 'enhancements' and stopped driving me into social isolation with work.
- randcraw 9y agoFor me, it was reading “Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance” — one small part of it especially. Long before Pirsig begins asking fundamental questions like, “What can we know?”, and “What is the meaning of Quality?”, he mentions the seed of his destruction — his realization when studying biochemistry that there were an infinite number of possible theories that he could propose to explain any observation, and that there was no way he could ever know which theory was right, nor would he live long enough to soundly validate any hypothesis he might invent of his own. Pirsig's ensuing battle with subjective thinking and eventual mental decline as he lost faith that objectivity was fruitful as a way of life, much less realizable... This was my first glimpse into the futility of pursuing a life dedicated to exploring objective reality, i.e. science. In the 30 years since, I can only confirm that epiphany — there is far more to be gained by telling people what they want to hear and by self promotion than in persisting with reality. Storytellers are far more beloved than are sticklers for the truth.
- surprisetalk 9y agoI completely agree that the pursuit of Truth is a fool's errand. And I'm a fool. Storytelling and reality aren't mutually exclusive. Consider great minds like Clifford Stoll, Alan Kay, Raymond Smullyan, Douglas Hofstadter -- we can't be sure that what they say is True, but their stories are compelling, and their wisdom seems sound enough. Humans are analogy-engines. For us, myths are the best way to transfer information. And even if the information isn't Truth, it's probably good enough. And "good enough" will likely improve the lives of your children and grandchildren. Of course you can't know everything! There's endless territory to explore. But there's no harm in exploring the incredibly small world around you. And there's even less harm in finding ways to reduce suffering for others, if you're into that. I guess what I'm trying to say is that I agree with you in theory. But in practice, worrying about whether things are technically True obstructs the way of finding things that seem to work. And many of us deeply enjoy discovering things that "seem to work", and then telling great stories about them. Exploring reality can be a lot of fun, if you don't take reality so seriously.
- sjg007 9y agoExcept that the story tellers would've died without the discovery of penicillin, vaccines, etc.. Maybe even from a lack of hand washing! There are an infinite number of theories sure, only those that are testable are worth consideration and of the testable ones you find one that is correct at the current level of resolution and move forward.
- ambivalents 9y agoDropping out of law school. Up until that point, my life was heading smoothly in a pre-established, perfectly reasonable, albeit somewhat boring direction. I was doing everything "right" and thus my future was bright. But things went south quickly after my first semester of law school. I realized how little I had actually examined what I wanted out of life. I started questioning more, resisting more. I got severely depressed. I slogged through spring of 1L and a summer internship, and then I just never went back for 2L. This was the first moment I exercised real autonomy. It spurred an enormous period of growth and reflection, that I'm still in today (and believe will never end, really).
- ux4 9y agoPracticing meditation and giving all my effort for an achievement I thought was unreachable. Before I learned how to meditate, I thought of everything logically and incorrectly applied that to relationships as well. I found it incredibly hard to understand other people, their motivations, and why they acted certain ways. I wondered why so many of my relationships failed out of no where and why it was so hard to connect with other people. After I observed my background processes with the help of meditation, I realized that people act primarily out of emotion, not logic. This is where I made leaps in emotional growth. I realized that I had many emotional processes running in the background, like daemons of an operating system. The majority of these processes were subconscious and unaware to me, yet they were impacting every decision I've ever made! Subconscious sensations of fear, sadness, and anger that were influencing my conscious mind. Before someone even considers the logic of a question, they've already made an emotional answer. I could write a book on this, but Thinking, Fast & Slow by Daniel Kahneman explains this so much better. Once I realized this and confronted my inner demons, the behavior of other people was much more manageable. Reaching an achievement that I thought was unreachable was life changing as well. On my final semester of college, I had a senior project that was out of my skill level, but it was required for my degree. Without any background in development, I had to develop a web application for a customer, with an entire LAMP stack behind it. I came from a Windows background so I had to learn Linux administration as well as 3 new programming languages within 2 months. I worked extremely hard on it, but did not receive any input from the customer. The due date rolled around and the project inevitably did not meet the his expectations, so he pleaded with the professor to fail me so I would have to retake the class (and he would get more free labor). Despite all that work, the professor gave me a big fat F and I was unable to graduate. The night I got that email I felt so crushed and defeated, I couldn't sleep and developed a stomach ulcer. But I didn't give up. I petitioned for a grade revision, I had no other choice. I made an 8-page report explaining that I completed everything the customer agreed to in the project proposal. I presented it to the department head, but he said there was no case. I presented it to the grading committee, and to my luck, they accepted my case. They gave me a second chance to complete a revision of the project and I would receive a passing grade in return. The only problem was that the customer was asking for a task that was not possible with the application and I had 2 weeks, Christmas vacation. Despite that I was determined. I developed an extension for the application that accomplished his goal. After turning that project in, the professor awarded me an A in the class, I got my degree cum laude, and I realized the limits I can push my mind and body. Anything you want in life can be achieved, despite the obstacles, you just need to spend enough time and effort on it.
- hypertexthero 9y agoThe First and Last Freedom by Jiddu Krishnamurti https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/64710.The_First_and_Last_Freedom https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/64710.The_First_and_Last...
- kendallpark 9y agoPrayer. Though I can't claim to be some rock star prayer monk. When I was young, I had a routine that on the bus ride to school I would read a chapter of the Bible then "pray"--which amounted to jotting down notes in a journal. My prayer had three sections. In the first section I would reflect on the previous day and list any wrongs I had committed. This could be as big as lying to evade punishment or as small as procrastination of a task or envying another person's accomplishments. In the second section I made a list of things for which I was thankful. In the last section I jotted down positive intentions for myself and others. Stuff like, "help me be more humble" or "please comfort Sarah during her parents' divorce," etc. Then the bus would pull into the school lot and I would start my day. I found this sort of self-reflection immensely formative. In the bustle of everyday life, it is easy to lose context of yourself and how you fit into the world around you. It was helpful that every day I was reflecting on the great many blessings I had, my own inadequacies and needs, and the needs of others. I suspect it made me more likely to apologize to a friend for something snide I said the other day. And more likely to go out of my way to do something nice for an acquaintance that was having a hard time. Perhaps this is partially my own personality, but I was also rather content with my life at all stages, even during rough times. Cultivating an attitude of thankfulness probably contributed to that contentment. When I turned sixteen and started driving to school, my prayer routine went out the window. It never quite resumed the consistency of those early years. More recently I've started attending morning prayer at the local parish.
- vajrapani666 9y agoI started writing myself weekly letters. I would, in narrative form: tell myself what I really enjoyed; what was stressful; and what didn't work out. I came up with a list of affirmations and things to keep in mind for the coming week. I would treat the suggestions I came up with as "sudo me" and put in extra effort to abide by them. Over the course of several months, this weekly process got me into a trajectory of positive self-improvement. I went vegan, started exercising regularly, began drinking tons of water every morning, started daily meditation, and put in place several behavioral controls around going out late at night. The process was so successful, that I began doing something similar at the beginning of every month. I would lay out high level goals for the month, and list the major events I needed to prepare for. I would go over my overall level of happiness the previous month and identify trends from the weekly letters and come up with powerful ultimatums for the coming month. The process worked so well, that when 2018 started, I spent 2 weeks going over the month-letters of the previous months and worked on distilling high-level intentions and affirmations for the coming year. The biggest changes that have come out of this process are my focus on meditation and how I care for my body and mind. Through this process, I've identified my weaknesses in communication and self-care and flooded myself with resources and lectures to help me develop those skills. Through this process, I've taken courses on REBT, NLP, NVC, and Public Speaking. I've focused on my written and verbal communication skills. It's now infinitely easier to speak to my co-workers, friends, partner and family. I'm not rushing around before events. I almost never feel stressed out, because I've went through taking-care of myself in advance. TL;DR; Treating myself like a team has opened up a new way to pour energy into my personal growth. Here's a list of the resources that have helped me grow in the last few months. - _World Peace Diet_ by Will Tuttle - _The Artist's Way_ by Julia Cameron - Non Violent Communication (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4LuPCAh9FCc https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4LuPCAh9FCc) - All of Shani Raja's courses on writing - Punctuation mastery - Secret sauce of great writing - Writing like a ninja - Julian Treasure's courses on listening and speaking - REBT by Libby Sery on Udemy - Alinksky's _Rules for Radicals_ - Insight Timer - Meditations by Sarah Blondin Edits: Punctuation, Resources
- killjoywashere 9y agoGetting hit by a car while riding my bicycle home from work. Spent my convalesence hanging out with my surgeon in clinic and the OR. Ended up going to medical school, doing research on prostate cancer, then my dad got prostate cancer while I was in residency, so it became impossible to not do the research. But to do the research, I had to stay in the good graces of the residency, which probably is what got me through residency. Most of the events that influenced my personal growth seem to have been born from the silver lining of some unforeseeable catastrophe (9/11, Katrina, Rita, a near drowning, Fukushima). At this point, the list is getting quite long and I'm probably running out of reasons to not be dead. But whaddaya gonna do?
- Jimpulse 9y agoMy goodness, were you personally involved in all those events? You seem to have 9 lives.
- bsvalley 9y agoJust looking around me, friends, colleagues, neighbors, etc. see how I could do better. It sounds pretty bad but the people around me influence my personal growth. I love to push boundaries and explore things that haven't been explored yet.
- serpix 9y agoDivorce, second breakup from a BPD person, meditation, tantra, yoga and ultra running. There are moments in ultra running and tantra that transcend everything, a glimpse of enlightenment and the simplicity of life that make you get through anything life throws at you.
- shujito 9y ago- self learning - people that pushed me to do new stuff
- tfolbrecht 9y agoEpistemologically, the Internet: As a kid in rural Florida, it was the 3G usb modem that allowed me to use the internet at home. Hugely pivotal. I could browse Wikipedia, Hackaday, 4chan, etc when ever I wanted and I just started chugging. Negative Socially: 2013, Getting wrongly charged of a crime, going to jail then having to fight it at 19. really altered my view on how just the world is. I was verifiably innocent and the ordeal was dragged out for six months. The terms of my bond made me lose thousands to drug tests and missed work, then the judge throws it out right before the trial. Still a little angry about it, but it really opened my mind to the idea of the social injustices the State can facilitate. Positive Socially, careerwise: After that, being given the chance to run the local music store in my city. It was the Marching band and Orchestra sort. It really helped with social anxiety and learning to talk to people. Before that I would compulsively rehearse what I would say before I used the phone or approached someone. Dealing with people made me feel comfortable in my own skin. Careerwise: At 22, I worked for one of the largest optical components and systems manufactures in the world assembling and testing lenses for the optics in one of Illuminas genomic DNA sequencers. Learned a lot about software, optics, manufacturing, Six sigma, Lean, corporate/ business stuff. Career2.0: Starting a Startup. It's confounding, exhilarating, risky, and hard. The hardest thing I've done so far and I love every minute of it. I would shill it, but it doesn't face the public yet. I'm very proud. It's been a journey, these are the moments I feel guided me to who I am.
- CodeWriter23 9y agoAn open mind. I have many personal growth experiences, all of them candidates to be the most influential. Perhaps each was most influential at the time of the experience. But there was one thing common to all of those experiences, having an open mind. With maybe a little discernment. One can say “No” and still maintain an open mind, if the “No” is more of a “not right now”.
- southcarolina68 9y agoRealize that what i least liked about me was me a part of me I was that person- it gave me the leeway to appreciate my humanity to put myself in your shoes
- BjoernKW 9y agoFreemasonry, which I'd describe as a sort of meta-framework for living a good, ethical and worthwhile life. Freemasonry among many other aspects can serve as constant reminder to behave ethically and make the most of your life. It also allows to get to know people from all walks of life and backgrounds that otherwise you probably wouldn't have met. Apart from being a great way to discover novel ideas and broaden your horizon this also helps with becoming more tolerant towards others who don't share your background or points of view. Although the question implies just one thing I'd also mention having worked as a paramedic for some time.
- Toast_25 9y agoWhat is being a freemason like?
- BjoernKW 9y agoThere are perhaps as many specific answers to this question as there are freemasons. In a nutshell, being a freemason is about trying to become a better person as well as trying to help others to do so as well. Lodges usually meet once a week. Lodge meetings typically consist of open discussions (excluding arguments about party politics and religion), someone giving a talk or merely brothers sharing things they might find noteworthy or interesting to the others. About once a month there's a special meeting where the Masonic ritual takes place. This ritual basically is part allegorical play, part lecture and also includes elements of meditation and contemplation as well as music. Being a freemason also means being part of worldwide community and therefore being able to visit fellow brothers in virtually any somewhat larger city (and many of the smaller ones, too) in the world.
- Toast_25 9y agoSounds really cool! Thanks for explaining!
- bernardino 9y agoWhat influenced my personal growth the most? Becoming aware that there is no need to be anything special.
- andrewjl 9y agoTen minutes of meditation done daily. The benefits compound exponentially over time.
- milkytron 9y agoI'd have to say my significant other. Before we met I was working at a car wash, selling weed, and barely passing my classes. She inspired me to be the best I can be and pushed me out of my comfort zone. Since we met, I got A's in every class afterwards, built an app that got me a job at a software company, and now I'm working a job a love at one of the best companies in the industry with a career I find satisfying. I attribute a lot of my success to her, although I do know I put in a lot of the work. I just needed some guidance and motivation and she helped me find it.
- m_fayer 9y agoThat's sweet and inspiring. We shouldn't overlook the importance of being loved by a person that believes in us, can provide just the right kind and quantity of push, and is truly happy when we're happy.
- amorphid 9y agoPraying for success, running out of money, and becoming homeless.
- DrNuke 9y agoBeing able to detach myself from all and everyone at will since I was a kid has been a blessing in disguise in terms of personal growth but it earned me soon a mr Spock kind of reputation ehehe.
- pruthvishetty 9y ago- Reading (especially, Inner Engineering by JV) - Listening (Farnam Street/Knowledge Project podcast) - Speaking with the many smart folks I meet at work/school/meetups. - Realizing how little I know.
- psyc 9y agoI would say role models. I've always enjoyed reading biographies and biographical information about people with various qualities I admire. I won't tell you which people, lest a dozen cynics seek to educate me about those people's unforgivable atrocities against humanity.
- preordained 9y agoSome guy on a forum running circles around a group of us doing some golf/puzzle programming in Haskell. Made me realize how much I had to learn, got me into functional programming.
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- virmundi 9y agoA long, deep struggle with God. I've always been a believer, but often a half-hearted one. Fortunately, I've been put through many economic issue to learn my dependency is not on myself, or other, or money, but Yahweh and him alone. I quit my job, moved to Florida to support my wife. I had 50k in the bank, so I figured I'd be fine. We bought an old house that we always wanted. It passed inspection. Then we found out that the chimney's had to be rebuilt. 18k gone. Found out later that the company that rebuilt the chimney's scammed us. They're solid, but not properly fixed. That was crushing. I prayed and found comfort in the fact that this was part of God's plan to say that my money will come and go, but I needed to trust in him. Saved up money over the course of the next year. 150k in the bank. Thought that I'd be fine. I can finally focus on my software. Turns out that a lot of my self-image was wrapped up in being the expert for others. I needed to be the Tech Lead. I needed to hear how great the solutions I made were. Now I'm alone in a small office everyday. Depression set in. I didn't get much accomplished during that time. Drank more. Ate terribly (fast food twice a day for a year). Gained weight. Wouldn't pray much. Then we found out that the house was missing a sill beam (true 8"x8" bean that held up 7 feet of the 40ft tall wall). I could't get anyone to help. So here I am with money, but that won't do anything since no one wants to take it. After all this I finally decided to surrender. I cut back drinking. I'm trying to go Keto. I read to my wife from the Bible every night. I finally learned to internalize the song I've known since my youth, Through It All, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ouJ8JOzdjrc https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ouJ8JOzdjrc
- pori 9y agoComing out. Before doing so, I closed myself off from all manner of emotion, creativity, and honesty. I tried to be invisible. I closed myself off from people. I lived in my own mind. Being closeted led me to compensate by leading a double life that hurt a lot of people. But now it's different. I am now doing my best work, I am exploring new things to try and learn, and I have many wonderful relationships that makes me happy to be alive. For the first time, I really feel like I'm living life.