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I don't have biological children - I was never in a position where I would have considered it a good idea to have them (for various reasons, internal and extern
by djaychela 9y ago
I don't have biological children - I was never in a position where I would have considered it a good idea to have them (for various reasons, internal and external), and I've always seen it as about the biggest responsibility that you can have. However, about 9 years ago I met my current girlfriend, who had 4 kids from her 16-year marriage, and I'm now considered by them to be their step-parent.
I remember I found it absolutely exhausting when I first started seeing her - it took a couple of years for that to not be the case - and they are -not- difficult children; quite the opposite, they are all really wonderful, and we generally get on very, VERY well. But it's an immense amount of work, and every time my girlfriend compares herself to where she would have been had she not had children and committed her time to be (what I consider to be) and excellent parent, I have to remind her that she's been a full time + (and then some) parent for about 12 years. Returning to the workplace for her has been difficult as she now works a full time job as well as being a mum - and one who cooks just about every night of the week, and has generally impossibly high standards for herself as a parent; despite her/our eldest now currently studying at Cambridge University.
I can totally understand why some would regret having children; it's presented as being a utopian existence that you get immense satisfaction from in many quarters, and anyone who dares question whether it's the right move for them (or indeed their prospective children) is given short shrift. It's not for everyone, but everyone is expected to have children. I have been given long-winded lectures in the past for not having my own, and I'm sure anyone who dared to question the experience with said inquisitors would have a very hard time!
- brango 9y agoI honestly never understood why you'd put yourself through all that for someone else's genes to propagate.
- djaychela 9y agoHalf the genes are those of my partner... and I guess it could be that way even if they were biologically my kids? TBH I used to think about it a lot when we first got together, but now I don't really think about them other than they are my kids... not biologically, of course, but there's more to life than biology. Otherwise I'd be my Dad, and that would be Worst Case Scenario for me.
- brango 9y agoI guess so.
- thedevilslawyer 9y agoMaybe because you see children as human beings, capable of giving and receiving love.
- MrBingley 9y agoI think you misunderstand the nature of parenting pal.
- brango 9y agoMaybe. The cost-benefit of kids never really seemed to make much sense to me. Perhaps I'll live to regret it or change my mind in future. Either way, I make my bed...
- menacingly 9y agoI don't know. I've got a bunch of biological kids, and while propagating my genes is not the only reason I care for them, it's an explicit strong positive for me.
- goatlover 9y agoYou really care about their genes? What if they adopt kids or choose not to have any? Will it distress you greatly that you went through all that effort just to have your genes not continue to the next generation? I think it's likely you're applying an evolutionary explanation to your parenting behavior, but don't really care that much about your children's actual genes. You care about your children as persons, not their molecular machinery. If you really, really cared you would have your genes cloned and be donating massively to sperm banks and what not.
- menacingly 9y agoOh, I definitely care. I'd prefer at least some of them have biological kids, but the odds of that are good with my buckshot approach. I think mine is actually the simpler explanation, and yours is reaching a bit. We're surrounded by vicious competition for genetic reproduction, I don't know why humans would be the exception. And I don't want a clone, I want to pick a partner with all kinds of good genes to bring to the mix and toss them together, which I did. A partner I'm attracted to in part because of a lot of cues she gives me indicating her genes. I think when you've had the pride of a son or daughter who is the spitting image of you, or walks just like you, or is noticeably muscular in the places you are, it's hard to deny exactly where that is coming from..
- goatlover 9y agoWhy do the genes matter? Human beings matter, not genes. Who really cares what genes propagate, with the exception of defective ones that cause diseases.
- deleted 9y ago[deleted]