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> She never wanted children (“I was very independent,” she says)—her husband did. Premarital counseling would have caught that. > “It would have been a deal-b
by JustSomeNobody 9y ago
> She never wanted children (“I was very independent,” she says)—her husband did.
Premarital counseling would have caught that.
> “It would have been a deal-breaker.”
IT SHOULD HAVE BEEN!!! Now you made a new person that you don't want! Shame on you and your husband!
Kids, money goals, debt, work goals, travel goals, where to live; these are all HUGE things that need to be discussed, while in the presence of a trained counselor, before saying "I do."
- reverend_gonzo 9y agoAbsolutely agree, though I don't think its necessary to have done so in front of a counselor. Before we got married, there were a number of things that we discussed and had to make sure we were on the same page. Of those, the most important were children and religion. I personally made it a point to get an understanding before we were even serious. Now that we're married, the question isn't "Will we have children?", it's "When..." and that's much easier to figure out if both people are playing the same endgame.
- JustSomeNobody 9y agoI say in front of a counselor because most people just are not honest with themselves. A trained counselor will help them come to terms with things. Oh, and thanks for pointing out religion, I forgot that on my (knowingly incomplete) list. Edit: I say most, but I probably should have said some.
- djschnei 9y agoPersonal responsibility?!
- sidlls 9y agoLife isn't that simple. Even people who have studied and think they're prepared for all that having kids entails aren't really prepared for it.
- JustSomeNobody 9y agoThus the counseling.
- sidlls 9y agoCounseling may have revealed an incompatibility. She married him and had a child in spite of her own desires, though. Perhaps her desire for that relationship would have clouded counseling as much as it did herself anyway.
- foxh0und 9y ago> in the presence of a trained counseler I agree with your sentiments that people need to be more open and have these harder types of conversations with their prospective spouses, but you shouldn’t need a counseler to have an adult conversation.
- jschwartzi 9y agoIt's hard enough to know what you want when you have it. Knowing whether you want something that you've never had and have only experienced vicariously is basically impossible. The only things I really regret are things I asked for and found out I didn't actually want.
- majikandy 9y agoThis is cruel, they never said it's a child they don't want.
- LitFan 9y agoI believe that relationship and marriage counsellors are treating symptoms rather than the root cause. This is anecdotal, but: I attended family counselling with multiple counsellors for many years, I found those sessions helped only for as long as they were scheduled. Rather than gaining tools to assist in resolving future problems, we were provided with solutions to our immediate problems. Personal counselling is a different story, and I think the root cause for these marital issues is that people don't have an understanding of themselves, or what they need in order to be happy. Personal counselling can teach you how to express yourself and your needs, which would obviously go a long way in helping you structure your relationships. In group counselling everyone still has opportunity to believe they're not the reason for the dysfunction.