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I would like to add that praising can backfire as well. For example, if a child gets a good grade and you praise its intelligence instead of their work it seem

by dudzik 9y ago

I would like to add that praising can backfire as well. For example, if a child gets a good grade and you praise its intelligence instead of their work it seems that they won't put in the effort next time.[1] 1: http://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/10.1111/j.1467-8624.2007.00995.x/full http://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/10.1111/j.1467-8624.2007....

dsego 9y ago
I think this was me. Being praised as an intelligent kid, thought I didn't need to practice or study as hard. Being smug, possible narcissistic tendencies, thinking you're better than other kids. Then getting frustrated when other kids who shouldn't be smart do better etc. It can develop into a manipulative and damaged personality.
pluma 9y ago
Ugh, yes. When I was little my parents kept telling me I'm smart so every time I got a bad grade they told me I could have done better (but didn't show me how) and whenever I was sure I was going to get a bad grade because I knew I didn't fully understand something or hadn't prepared well enough they just reassured me I'd be fine because I'm smart. At the time all I would have wanted to hear is "it's okay if you don't do well on this one" (because it'd have taken the pressure off when I knew I couldn't do well) but what I really would have needed to hear would have been "yes, you're not well prepared, so you might not do well on this one but we'll help you prepare for next time so you won't be in this situation again". I mostly got by avoiding homework and underperforming (I had the talent to do well enough but didn't put in the effort to take advantage of that) but my parents only intervened when I was at risk of having to repeat a year -- and at that point the only way to make progress was rote learning, which I hated and was (and still am) extremely bad at (because I had never done it before). So IOW you may think your kid's a genius but the important thing is not to let them rest on their laurels. Don't obsess over grades but make sure your kid participates in class and does their homework like they should or else they'll skip on that out of habit and will be woefully underprepared when they run into situations where they can't get by on simply being a "genius" (which may be sooner than you think).

by dudzik 9y ago

dsego 9y ago

I think this was me. Being praised as an intelligent kid, thought I didn't need to practice or study as hard. Being smug, possible narcissistic tendencies, thinking you're better than other kids. Then getting frustrated when other kids who shouldn't be smart do better etc. It can develop into a manipulative and damaged personality.

pluma 9y ago

Ugh, yes. When I was little my parents kept telling me I'm smart so every time I got a bad grade they told me I could have done better (but didn't show me how) and whenever I was sure I was going to get a bad grade because I knew I didn't fully understand something or hadn't prepared well enough they just reassured me I'd be fine because I'm smart. At the time all I would have wanted to hear is "it's okay if you don't do well on this one" (because it'd have taken the pressure off when I knew I couldn't do well) but what I really would have needed to hear would have been "yes, you're not well prepared, so you might not do well on this one but we'll help you prepare for next time so you won't be in this situation again". I mostly got by avoiding homework and underperforming (I had the talent to do well enough but didn't put in the effort to take advantage of that) but my parents only intervened when I was at risk of having to repeat a year -- and at that point the only way to make progress was rote learning, which I hated and was (and still am) extremely bad at (because I had never done it before). So IOW you may think your kid's a genius but the important thing is not to let them rest on their laurels. Don't obsess over grades but make sure your kid participates in class and does their homework like they should or else they'll skip on that out of habit and will be woefully underprepared when they run into situations where they can't get by on simply being a "genius" (which may be sooner than you think).