5 ms·

I think the concern is that mothers rather than fathers are expected to provide care giving.

by justonepost 9y ago

WalterBright 9y ago
Fathers are also expected to provide full financial support, both culturally and legally.
- rangersanger 9y ago
  Assuming the father 1)is known 2) is able 3) is willing. Re #3, Paternity must be established and that burden falls on the mother. Where the assumed father does not voluntarily submit to a paternity test, the mother has to file suit to compel him. That's not something that's going to be easy for someone already in poverty. When the Welfare People Come is great read on the the way the welfare system is stacked against those who need to use it that delves into this and OP's points in greater detail.
  - WalterBright 9y ago
    Another factor is the large number of men put in prison for long periods of time, and even when they get out their record destroys their ability to earn money to support their families. > 1) is known If the woman doesn't know who the father is, who's choice was that? > 2) is able yes > 3) is willing The courts routinely assess child support on both willing and unwilling fathers. It's not an option for fathers.
    - DoreenMichele 9y ago
      If the woman doesn't know who the father is, who's choice was that? In some cases, the man who raped her.
      - deleted 9y ago
        [deleted]
      - rcpt 9y ago
        I think he was referring to terminating the pregnancy or putting the kid up for adoption.
        rangersanger 9y ago
        Terminating the pregnancy is another choice that's not practically available to many poor women in the united states.
        DoreenMichele 9y ago
        It is also incredibly shitty to suggest that if a woman is raped she can just get an abortion, problem solved. It is surgery, this another insult to the body, and some women feel strongly that abortion is murder. So the choice becomes "Do I try to spend the rest of my life loving this demon spawn that will be a living, breathing reminder of my rape every day, or do I swallow my morals and commit what I view as baby murder?" Acting like it is no big if a woman is raped and left with such a conundrum sounds just mind-bogglingly callous.
    - rangersanger 9y ago
      #1) Don't moralize the situation. The woman may have been raped, her partner may have lied to her. She may just have wanted to get off and the condom broke. She may be a prostitute, willingly or unwillingly.. Doesn't matter. The only reason any of these are an issue is the unremunerated responsibility of the woman to raise the child. #2) Yes, your prison comment overwhelmingly impacts the poor, particularly minorities. #3) The burden is on the woman, if the woman is poor she may not have the resources to force the father to pay.
      - d0100 9y ago
        It kind of is a moral situation isn't it? Excluding rape, all the others are in the sphere of womens control. Accidents are only accidental in intent, not in results.
      - SpliffnCola 9y ago
        My mother cheated on my father and he left her because of that. He was required (by Texas law) to pay child-support to my mother up until we were 18 (I am 29) to my mother who cheated on him; he still owes back pay on that and refuses to pay until they put a warrant out for his arrest. My mother demonized him to us by crying about not knowing why he left her; she never once mentioned until 5 months ago that she cheated on him. Dad regrets leaving us (his kids, not my mother) because it put a rift between us. We never knew the truth until recently when my mom let it slip in a conversation. At this point I feel like he has been punished enough by the state of Texas for leaving my cheating mother. Recently my eldest brother had a girl and my father has been in her life as much as he can and I'm incredibly happy for that (not jealous one bit) because at least my niece will have something my brother and I never had because he was soured by her behavior. We grew up poor because of my mother's infidelity...
        dragonwriter 9y ago
        > We grew up poor because of my mother's infidelity... No, from your description you grew up poor because your father abandoned you, and his legal obligation to support you, as retaliation for your mother's infidelity.

I think the concern is that mothers rather than fathers are expected to provide care giving.

WalterBright 9y ago

Fathers are also expected to provide full financial support, both culturally and legally.

rangersanger 9y ago
Assuming the father 1)is known 2) is able 3) is willing. Re #3, Paternity must be established and that burden falls on the mother. Where the assumed father does not voluntarily submit to a paternity test, the mother has to file suit to compel him. That's not something that's going to be easy for someone already in poverty. When the Welfare People Come is great read on the the way the welfare system is stacked against those who need to use it that delves into this and OP's points in greater detail.
- WalterBright 9y ago
  Another factor is the large number of men put in prison for long periods of time, and even when they get out their record destroys their ability to earn money to support their families. > 1) is known If the woman doesn't know who the father is, who's choice was that? > 2) is able yes > 3) is willing The courts routinely assess child support on both willing and unwilling fathers. It's not an option for fathers.
  - DoreenMichele 9y ago
    If the woman doesn't know who the father is, who's choice was that? In some cases, the man who raped her.
    - deleted 9y ago
      [deleted]
    - rcpt 9y ago
      I think he was referring to terminating the pregnancy or putting the kid up for adoption.
      - rangersanger 9y ago
        Terminating the pregnancy is another choice that's not practically available to many poor women in the united states.
        DoreenMichele 9y ago
        It is also incredibly shitty to suggest that if a woman is raped she can just get an abortion, problem solved. It is surgery, this another insult to the body, and some women feel strongly that abortion is murder. So the choice becomes "Do I try to spend the rest of my life loving this demon spawn that will be a living, breathing reminder of my rape every day, or do I swallow my morals and commit what I view as baby murder?" Acting like it is no big if a woman is raped and left with such a conundrum sounds just mind-bogglingly callous.
  - rangersanger 9y ago
    #1) Don't moralize the situation. The woman may have been raped, her partner may have lied to her. She may just have wanted to get off and the condom broke. She may be a prostitute, willingly or unwillingly.. Doesn't matter. The only reason any of these are an issue is the unremunerated responsibility of the woman to raise the child. #2) Yes, your prison comment overwhelmingly impacts the poor, particularly minorities. #3) The burden is on the woman, if the woman is poor she may not have the resources to force the father to pay.
    - d0100 9y ago
      It kind of is a moral situation isn't it? Excluding rape, all the others are in the sphere of womens control. Accidents are only accidental in intent, not in results.
    - SpliffnCola 9y ago
      My mother cheated on my father and he left her because of that. He was required (by Texas law) to pay child-support to my mother up until we were 18 (I am 29) to my mother who cheated on him; he still owes back pay on that and refuses to pay until they put a warrant out for his arrest. My mother demonized him to us by crying about not knowing why he left her; she never once mentioned until 5 months ago that she cheated on him. Dad regrets leaving us (his kids, not my mother) because it put a rift between us. We never knew the truth until recently when my mom let it slip in a conversation. At this point I feel like he has been punished enough by the state of Texas for leaving my cheating mother. Recently my eldest brother had a girl and my father has been in her life as much as he can and I'm incredibly happy for that (not jealous one bit) because at least my niece will have something my brother and I never had because he was soured by her behavior. We grew up poor because of my mother's infidelity...
      - dragonwriter 9y ago
        > We grew up poor because of my mother's infidelity... No, from your description you grew up poor because your father abandoned you, and his legal obligation to support you, as retaliation for your mother's infidelity.