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I found this line in an old blog post from 2013 in my drafts folder. > But honestly, I've been thinking back, trying to remember the last time I felt like I wa
by Kluny 9y ago
I found this line in an old blog post from 2013 in my drafts folder.
> But honestly, I've been thinking back, trying to remember the last time I felt like I was really in control and being the person I wanted to be.
That was 5 years ago and I now realize I've felt like that almost the whole time, with brief breaks. My goal is to treat this as a real problem and solve it.
- adamnemecek 9y agoLet me guess you are employed? I was in a similar situation and quitting my job helped me get out of this. Beginning was bumpy and I regreted it somewhat for some time, but I don’t even think about it anymore. It’s ok if you don’t have a plan or a project, you need some curiosity and general area of what you are interested in (a stack of unread books counts). You aren’t betting on your project but on your skills. Like if you spend a year doing a thing, you’ll be a beast. And even if your thing doesn’t work out, you’ll be fine. Email me (<my username>@gmail.com) if you need someone to help you plan it. I don’t have all the answers but I have some. This counts for anyone else reading this as well.
- Kluny 9y agoI left my job early in 2017, did an internship for a few months, moved to another country at the same time, lost the job I was supposed to get after the internship, came back to my home country, and got another job. I'd say I've done my "year off", looking for stability at the moment. I like the idea though. The thing is, I'm not super self-motivated to work on programming. It's fun when I'm getting paid, but when I'm not getting paid I'd rather play outside. I'm a lot more interested in management-type stuff, running projects and working at a higher level. Any idea how to practice that on your own time? So far my best idea is to throw parties and activities for my friends, which is fun, but hard to put on a resume.
- adamnemecek 9y agoI know where you are coming from. Since quitting, I’ve been contributing to a lot of open source on github. It solves the resume problem. And strangely enough, these contributions turned into social events, I’ve met people working on this one project called audiokit that I contribute to.
- snarfy 9y agoReally good artists hate their work. They are their own worst critic. That's why they always improve. It's the poor artists that think their own work is great, better than everyone else. The person you want to be should be better than the person you are today, but that also means it's unattainable.
- joaomacp 9y agoI agree. I've concluded it's good to have this self-improvement mindset, even if you never get to where you want to be (because it's always changing), and you should accept that, because human society is built on that uncomfortable feeling that gets us to make things. Related video (it's a bit weird, but stick through it, it's a good one): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yWkq7btSQvs https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yWkq7btSQvs
- zapperdapper 9y agoJust checked your blog. Are you really clear about the person you do want to be? Are you moving to Denmark? BTW a former colleague of mine moved from UK to Copenhagen and absolutely loves the quality of life there. Funnily enough another colleague just emigrated to Canada!
- Kluny 9y agoI did go to Denmark, and already came back. I spent the whole time there being depressed and not adapting, and I freaked out and came home because I thought it would never improve. Coming home didn't help either. I'm doing cbt now and waiting to see a counselor. I want to get my head straight and return to Denmark.
- zapperdapper 9y agoSorry to hear that. I guess it's a case of "wherever you go there you are". The CBT should help a lot. Good luck!