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> The problem I have with meeting people from "real life" is that they're mostly random people that I usually have little to nothing in common with. What meeti

> The problem I have with meeting people from "real life" is that they're mostly random people that I usually have little to nothing in common with. What meeting people in real life means is basically just getting on with your life and doing things that interest you. Like comics? Go to a comic shop. Fascinated by chainmail bikinis? Start spending time at Renaissance Faires - or learn to make them and build a community around yourself. Enjoy mountain biking? Go biking, then go grab coffee or drinks with some other people doing the same. Don't focus on doing these activities to meet potential romantic partners - do them to have fun because you enjoy them and meet other people who enjoy the same things. Don't expect those people to be possible partners, expect them to be friends or acquaintances and to be people through whom you may meet a possible romantic interest. To quote Ben Carson, "I don't have facts to back this up," but I feel pretty sure that a huge percentage of relationships come from either having some common activity (e.g. "high school," "college," "coworker") or from knowing someone in common (e.g. "friend's brother/sister/other friend"). The one thing I can pretty much guarantee for you is that sitting at home and hoping for a date with an interesting delivery person (or service person if something goes out) is not going to be a successful approach - and if you're that delivery or service person instead, remember that asking out someone whose home or office you've just gone to would be just as creepy as being hit on by the people you've been sent to.

YuriNiyazov 9y ago
"Don't focus on doing these activities to meet potential romantic partners - do them to have fun because you enjoy them and meet other people who enjoy the same things." I can't disagree with this enough. If you want a job, are you going to continue going to the activities you've always been going to and hoping to meet someone that gives you work? If you want an apartment to live in, are you going to go to the same activities you've been going to and hope that someone there is a landlord? Maybe you would. But most people would check a jobs site or a rental site. Why would romantic relationships be any different?
- fencepost 9y ago
  > most people would check a jobs site or a rental site. Why would romantic relationships be any different? That is absolutely a viable approach, and it's one that works for a lot of people. In fact, the two of us have just described "searching for jobs" vs "networking for jobs." My point though was not so much to do those things to find a partner, but to get out and do things. Part of what you're looking for is not just relationships but (possibly) higher-quality relationships found through people who will vouch for those they're introducing. For different people "Our matching algorithms say you're an 80% match with this person" vs "Hey, I know someone you should meet" will have different levels of credibility and acceptance.
- TheCoelacanth 9y ago
  Jobs and apartment leases are transactions. People don't like to think of their relationships as transactions.
pm215 9y ago
http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/magazine-35535424 http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/magazine-35535424 has some stats, and in particular the 'how couples met their romantic partners' graphs. Even back in 2009, for heterosexual couples "through friends" was 30% and falling, with "at a bar/restaurant" and "online" taking up most of the rest and other options including college/coworkers all in steep decline. So I dunno that the stats are entirely behind you, especially if you consider likely changes since 2009. (Maybe there are more recent figures out there.)
borplk 9y ago
I think this has become increasingly infeasible over the past decade due to the rise of social media and internet usage. People have become very picky with very short attention spans (scroll through feeds, swipe left/right, filter people on dating apps based on very specific attributes, etc). Also to a large degree "locality" benefits (and limitations) have faded. 10-20 years ago people didn't have access to such a seemingly infinite pool of people. It was more limited to the people around them (people likely to visit the same pubs and coffee shops and events and so on). I don't think young people today have the patience to "invest" in getting to know random people like that anymore. Instead of spending days and weeks with someone only to find out that they don't match well together, they go through 300 profiles and talk to 5 of "the best" ones out of that pool. And often times there's lots of information packed in social media that they can pick up quickly (politics, job, education, culture, etc). It would take much longer to pick up that stuff in organic real world interactions because people don't quiz each other like that.
derefr 9y ago
The one key problem is that if your preferred partner is themselves a homebody with mostly-asocial interests, you’re unlikely to meet them by going out, because they aren’t going out. Meeting people in real life implicitly filters for extroverts (and introverts with a lot of willpower to burn being temporarily social.)

YuriNiyazov 9y ago

"Don't focus on doing these activities to meet potential romantic partners - do them to have fun because you enjoy them and meet other people who enjoy the same things." I can't disagree with this enough. If you want a job, are you going to continue going to the activities you've always been going to and hoping to meet someone that gives you work? If you want an apartment to live in, are you going to go to the same activities you've been going to and hope that someone there is a landlord? Maybe you would. But most people would check a jobs site or a rental site. Why would romantic relationships be any different?

fencepost 9y ago
> most people would check a jobs site or a rental site. Why would romantic relationships be any different? That is absolutely a viable approach, and it's one that works for a lot of people. In fact, the two of us have just described "searching for jobs" vs "networking for jobs." My point though was not so much to do those things to find a partner, but to get out and do things. Part of what you're looking for is not just relationships but (possibly) higher-quality relationships found through people who will vouch for those they're introducing. For different people "Our matching algorithms say you're an 80% match with this person" vs "Hey, I know someone you should meet" will have different levels of credibility and acceptance.
TheCoelacanth 9y ago
Jobs and apartment leases are transactions. People don't like to think of their relationships as transactions.

pm215 9y ago

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/magazine-35535424 http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/magazine-35535424 has some stats, and in particular the 'how couples met their romantic partners' graphs. Even back in 2009, for heterosexual couples "through friends" was 30% and falling, with "at a bar/restaurant" and "online" taking up most of the rest and other options including college/coworkers all in steep decline. So I dunno that the stats are entirely behind you, especially if you consider likely changes since 2009. (Maybe there are more recent figures out there.)

borplk 9y ago

I think this has become increasingly infeasible over the past decade due to the rise of social media and internet usage. People have become very picky with very short attention spans (scroll through feeds, swipe left/right, filter people on dating apps based on very specific attributes, etc). Also to a large degree "locality" benefits (and limitations) have faded. 10-20 years ago people didn't have access to such a seemingly infinite pool of people. It was more limited to the people around them (people likely to visit the same pubs and coffee shops and events and so on). I don't think young people today have the patience to "invest" in getting to know random people like that anymore. Instead of spending days and weeks with someone only to find out that they don't match well together, they go through 300 profiles and talk to 5 of "the best" ones out of that pool. And often times there's lots of information packed in social media that they can pick up quickly (politics, job, education, culture, etc). It would take much longer to pick up that stuff in organic real world interactions because people don't quiz each other like that.

derefr 9y ago

The one key problem is that if your preferred partner is themselves a homebody with mostly-asocial interests, you’re unlikely to meet them by going out, because they aren’t going out. Meeting people in real life implicitly filters for extroverts (and introverts with a lot of willpower to burn being temporarily social.)