4 ms·

I always had much better luck with online dating. At least on those sites you are reasonably certain they are available and wanting to date and/or hook up with

I always had much better luck with online dating. At least on those sites you are reasonably certain they are available and wanting to date and/or hook up with people. I went to a ton of meetups and group events in real life over the course of three years (and to a lesser extent for years before that), met a lot of women through that, but very few of them were either not in a relationship or emotionally available at the time (either too focused on their career, in an 'it's complicated' situation, going through crap with family, not very financially stable, waiting for their unicorn and would accept nothing less, etc). Many of these women I never saw with anyone or spoke about being with anyone over the course of many years in successive meetups. To be fair, I was in a similar situation through a good chunk of my 20s when I was either working my butt off for startups or completely broke, so I understand. But online dating was much less frustrating for me.

fencepost 9y ago
> I went to a ton of meetups and group events in real life over the course of three years (and to a lesser extent for years before that), met a lot of women through that, but very few of them were either not in a relationship or emotionally available at the time Don't go to events and activities looking for love. Go to events and activities looking for interesting people to get to know and be friends with - and let them be a filter of "Hey, I know someone you should meet" when they know you're single. Similarly, if you have friends who've never met but who are single and have similar interests, don't be afraid to introduce them to each other.
- cableshaft 9y ago
  It wasn't specifically looking for love, I was mainly trying to get out of my shell and meet more people. I made a ton of friends from it, more than I can keep up with, and some of my closest friends today came from that period of time, so it was still very valuable. But I was also hoping it would help my dating prospects and it didn't seem to help much with that.
  - fencepost 9y ago
    Do some of the people you've met that way know you're single and looking? There may even be 1-2 people that strike you as "this person knows everyone" or even "I think X hangs out with the kind of people I'd like to meet."
    - cableshaft 9y ago
      I'm not actually single and looking anymore. I've been dating my current girlfriend for the past two and a half years, who I met on OKCupid. Also I was sorta kinda that 'person who knows everyone', or at least as much as anyone was. I went to a lot of meetups across many different groups that interested me. I ended up being the organizer for one of them.
ravenstine 9y ago
I've had similar experiences with group events. It's true that a lot of the women you meet are not available or looking for a relationship, which can be pretty frustrating when you meet someone you really like. So I definitely get you there. Online dating does separate the wheat from the chaff in that sense, but I still find it more frustrating because there's far more competition I have to deal with and 99% of the time there's no return. When I'm in public with someone I find attractive, there's a high likelihood I can at least strike a conversation with them. Even if nothing comes of it, I gain experience. With online dating, I just get experience updating my profile and sending messages with almost no payoff. It definitely works for some people. My best friend met his fiance on OKCupid years ago, and I've gotten multiple dates through it in the past, so I know that it can work. Whether the online dating sphere still functions properly is a different question, considering my online dating success decreased while my situation in life drastically improved, which makes no sense to me. I'll add that I'm not particularly bothered by any of this. As you were in your 20s, I am at a stage where the benefits of dating don't outweigh the benefits of focusing on my craft until I can reach a certain threshold.
- cableshaft 9y ago
  My girlfriend I've been with for the past two and a half years I met through OKCupid as well. Honestly OKCupid is the only site I've ever had any luck with for online dating, the rest have been pretty much useless.

fencepost 9y ago

> I went to a ton of meetups and group events in real life over the course of three years (and to a lesser extent for years before that), met a lot of women through that, but very few of them were either not in a relationship or emotionally available at the time Don't go to events and activities looking for love. Go to events and activities looking for interesting people to get to know and be friends with - and let them be a filter of "Hey, I know someone you should meet" when they know you're single. Similarly, if you have friends who've never met but who are single and have similar interests, don't be afraid to introduce them to each other.

cableshaft 9y ago
It wasn't specifically looking for love, I was mainly trying to get out of my shell and meet more people. I made a ton of friends from it, more than I can keep up with, and some of my closest friends today came from that period of time, so it was still very valuable. But I was also hoping it would help my dating prospects and it didn't seem to help much with that.
- fencepost 9y ago
  Do some of the people you've met that way know you're single and looking? There may even be 1-2 people that strike you as "this person knows everyone" or even "I think X hangs out with the kind of people I'd like to meet."
  - cableshaft 9y ago
    I'm not actually single and looking anymore. I've been dating my current girlfriend for the past two and a half years, who I met on OKCupid. Also I was sorta kinda that 'person who knows everyone', or at least as much as anyone was. I went to a lot of meetups across many different groups that interested me. I ended up being the organizer for one of them.

ravenstine 9y ago

I've had similar experiences with group events. It's true that a lot of the women you meet are not available or looking for a relationship, which can be pretty frustrating when you meet someone you really like. So I definitely get you there. Online dating does separate the wheat from the chaff in that sense, but I still find it more frustrating because there's far more competition I have to deal with and 99% of the time there's no return. When I'm in public with someone I find attractive, there's a high likelihood I can at least strike a conversation with them. Even if nothing comes of it, I gain experience. With online dating, I just get experience updating my profile and sending messages with almost no payoff. It definitely works for some people. My best friend met his fiance on OKCupid years ago, and I've gotten multiple dates through it in the past, so I know that it can work. Whether the online dating sphere still functions properly is a different question, considering my online dating success decreased while my situation in life drastically improved, which makes no sense to me. I'll add that I'm not particularly bothered by any of this. As you were in your 20s, I am at a stage where the benefits of dating don't outweigh the benefits of focusing on my craft until I can reach a certain threshold.

cableshaft 9y ago
My girlfriend I've been with for the past two and a half years I met through OKCupid as well. Honestly OKCupid is the only site I've ever had any luck with for online dating, the rest have been pretty much useless.